Me, Truly

ChiQaLiFe breathes her last

2007-02-19T22:00:00.000+08:00

Tag reply

Yep yep childish it is. Happy CNY to you too =)
**************************

At the end of the day, only the loved ones matter. Thank You for praising me when I'm right and scolding me when I'm wrong.

That's why I'm an Ariean. Typically headstrong, but I do listen.. right guys? =)

It's not about how much time you spend, rather it's about how long you've been together.

To the loved ones, I can't emphasise exactly how much I love you guys. Thank You, for making me realise that I don't have that long left to tolerate the nonsense. Just a lil bit more and I'm out. They say, it's the journey that matters, not the destination. It's not an easy route, but I believe it's not impossible either. Now, it's the destination that matters.

If Allah brings me to it, He'll bring me through it. I have faith in the Almighty. Yes. Should I face anymore foes or troubles, it's He who I'll look for and seek solace in.

Grant me the strength to carry on.

My heart goes out to all those affected in the train blasts. Both Hindustanis and Pakistanis were victims of the blast...

Dr. Ved Gupta, head of post-mortem operations at the hospital in Panipat, five kilometres (three miles) from Deewana said, "It is difficult to say who is who, whether they are Indians or Pakistanis."

Then why the difference?

Anyways, here's my final post. Thank You to all who have been reading my posts altho it gets more n more dead. I'm shifting! A new start requires a new blog, even newer layout!

So til then, goodbye.

Mr Dream Guy??!!

2007-02-16T19:26:00.000+08:00

I know the previous post was supposed to be my last but oh well. I can't keep my fingers off the keyboard!!

Anyway, today's fannnnnntassssssssticccccc! I wish everyday can be like this.. seriously. I woke up at about 12pm (which says a lot about the ideal lifestyle haha!) and then went out with Mummy dearest to Causeway Point. We had lunch at Pizza Hut (my treat!) and then walked around a lil before going back to Northpoint and shop for some last minute groceries. Gawwwd the place super packed la..!

Then, mummy treated me! It was a real surprise though... I didn't expect that. Thanks, Mum.. =)

And and.. I came back home.. I received another reply from Immy.. he actually invited me to go and see him during one of the events. Surprise surprise~ Has he really changed or what?? Oh well, Mr Hacker, see.. you can't do nuts to cause trouble between us. Loser.

And and anddddd.. I received a hell lotta comments and compliments from all over.. it's pretty overwhelming. Even Models Inc added me up. Hardly means anything to me actually.. cos the main highlight wasssss...

AHMED!!!!

Yes! Ahmed darling and I go wayyyy back since I was 16. He was born and brought up in the UK. Arab by blood. When we last talked, he was sitting for his As and damnnnn now he's already studying medicine!!

Here's a sneak peak at my Hot Doc ;) [yes you know ur hot baby!]

(awwwww! very boy-next-door sort, no? and the nose!!! AHHHH!!!!)

(he looks damn fine to me)

2 years ago, he was this very chubby boy who was pretty fat.. God knows how he lost that much of weight in 2 years! Hell, if I lost 10kg in a year, I bet he lost even more.. must be the Medicine studies driving him crazy.. HAHA!!

Anyways, we're talking again and I was SUPER stunned seeing his pixxies.. he's changed a hell lot! He's so like Mr Dream Guy!

Did I mention.. he's Wuzzy's mate? WOOHOO!!! =P

ANDDDD HE'S COMING DOWN TO SINGAPORE!!!!! Double yay-nessssss!!!!!!

Oh well.. for now, I gotta keep myself updated with the Cleo thingy... since Immy is in it and expects me to be there... honestly, this Cleo Elig. Bach. thingy seems more like a gigolo showcase to me. Just take a look at the cheap things they have to do! From sleeping in a bed with all 50 Bachs plus more people, to stripping in a private party..well, almost~ If it's not a gigolo showcase, then I don't know what it is.

Alright thats all for now. Excuse me while I wander off to LaLaLand..~ *beams*

farewell

2007-02-15T00:39:00.000+08:00

I'm no longer keen on keeping this blog since it contains memories I wanna erase completely. Besides, it's kinda "empty" already, if yall get what I mean. The other blog has higher readership so I guess I'll abandon this one. No more personal stuff to be added. I'll be moving my other blog to blogspot I guess... but do not link me aight. I do not want the bloody SOB hacker to know anything about my life (since you were NEVER interested in it even when we were together). So, to the hacker, don't bother knowing anything about me. I hate you to the deepest pits of hell.

But you know what? Even you can't separate Immy and I. Thank goodness he blocked off everyone from messaging him and viewing him (on his blank account)... so only I can view and message him actually, since I'm on his friends list. We've been contacting each other again and we're very happy. I have faith in him still. I don't know why but I just do.

I think YOU should know where YOU stand. Bloody hell. Fancy hacking into MY account. You honestly don't know what ur in for ey! Fuck off from my life. Ur a BIG mistake. NP Hockey seems like a bigger mistake now. I should have known. I should have known.

Heck, I'm restricting my profile view the moment I get my new blog ready. So that I can paste my link there. But if you DO find your way there (since ur a maniac who hardly has a life) then good for you. But I hope you understand that you are totally unwelcomed in my life.

In fact, just forget that you know me. That makes it easier. It's a bloody pain. I don't know what the fuck you were thinking when you hacked my account. You probably thought that I won't ever find out. Fancy putting a damn malay "kepalabiskot" (translate: biscuit head) id. Yeah that's just how intelligent you are. Why am I not surprised!

I hate bringing out the bitch in me but you drove me nuts and bolts when you hacked into my account. My parents know you already. And I swear my mum hates you more than I do. As it is you NEVER did have integrity at all, you proved yourself turning from worse to worst.

I am bloody disappointed in you. I won't be surprised if you've been checking up on my profile everytime (since I'm always logged on 24 hours and I wouldn't know even if you snooped). But I bet you did. If you can hack, whatmore snoop!

You are a joke man! Seriously. What was I even thinking back in Nov-Dec?? I must have been out of my mind!! I TRUSTED you not to do anything to my Friendster account which was why I didn't change my password. I TRUSTED you when you said you'd deleted my password from your computer.

Mr Nice Guy??? NICE???? Do you even deserve that?? You don't fucking know the meaning of "nice". You don't fucking deserve the status of an ex la.

I highly doubt anyone in the world will believe me cos I am seen as the evil, bitchy one whereas you put on this "nice guy" front (which is very deceiving) so you have nothing to lose. 'cos no one would believe me. Hell, thank goodness for the cooperation I got from the Friendster team or I wouldn't believe myself either.

I will never ever date a paki guy. And in case you haven't realised by now, we dated for 18 days. Dating means getting to now each other better, that's all. You weren't my hubby or anything. Hell I'm glad I broke up with you earlier. I thought I was heartless enough but hey! You got your revenge back man!

Just when I wrote my reply to Immy in my other blog as "Mr Mystery", the next thing I know my f'ster account got hacked. I almost went crazy 'cos I couldn't find Immy's blank account by searching for his 1st name. But thank God for Firefox.. I managed to track his 2nd name as well. If I lost Immy's blank account thanks to YOU, I swear I would have taught you a NICE lesson. Because Immy means the world to me.. and his message was a sign that my old days would return. And if I lost that cos of you, I wouldn't hesitate killing you. That's how much I love Immy. Even circumstances couldn't separate us, what makes you think you can???? DREAM ON MAN!!!

You should just go back to your damn country and make your "biscuit head"s there since their heads are just as fragile as biscuits LoL. (and no guys, he's not from Pakistan but from a neighbouring country)

You are one person who I hate so much, I don't even wanna see your face 'cos you traumatise me.

GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY LIFE.
***************************************************

And yes, well, to the rest of yall I wanna thank you guys for tagging (sorry to Wuzz and Rav cos I'm feeling kinda lazy to reply to your tags =P) and taking time off to read my blogs. I'm not sure how many of you do, but eitherways, from the bottom of my heart, thank you... =)

Goodbye, Chiqalife...

i love you Mum and Dad!

2007-02-12T01:18:00.000+08:00

I'm so glad I have people like Nadiah in my life. I swear, girl. You made me feel a hell lot better. I told her everything... about how my Year 1 got screwed up starting from "losing friendship over hockey match" which was a big HAHA to groupmates screwing up the deadlines. And like what she said, He has His way of making us see things in a different light. I've been so proud of the fact that I always mix around with the right people and laughed at bro, saying he's dumb.. cos he wasn't able to distinguish between good and bad. So, God made me realise that I should never be complacent about anything at all. Who says I'm a good judge of character after all? The SOB hacker alone proved to be one solid proof la. well done. I've learned my lesson the hard way.

I've neglected the teachings of Islam. I've neglected my daily prayers. I haven't read the holy Quran for a very long time now. I realised how bloody selfish I have been. I think of God only when I land in some trouble. No way, I can't leave it just like that. It feels as if I'm a Muslim in name only. Very, very shameful thing. My parents never brought me up that way. I started praying since age of 5, started fasting since I was 4 and a half years old (the record is still unbeaten.. in my family), went for religious classes til I was 13. Last year, I thought of wearing the hijab (I look like an Arab with the hijab on. seriously) but my mum said,"Use it only when you REALLY feel like it. Don't use it halfway and then take it off".. that made a lot of sense.

I love God. But saying it alone isn't enough. Time I let Him know through my prayers. And thank Him for blessing me with nice people... and for teaching me life lessons in ways no one else can. Thank Him for blessing me with such wonderful parents. Especially my dad. Over the past week, I became closer to dad. He dotes on me so much, I don't wanna ever let him down. The day I do, I know he'll shatter. Dad loves me a hell lot. Often giving in to my every whim and fancy. Thanks to him we have a good life (of course, complete with God's blessings and I'm so thankful for that).

Dad is so nice... today, I was pissed with the mother cos she sms-es me whatever she wanna say instead of talking to me. I got upset, of course. I was about to watch the tv when I saw Dad concentrating on this Channel 5 program. I wanted to watch my Hindi movie. So I told Dad to change the channel but he said "this one's good!"... yea Dad never got the chance to watch his own program ever since we all got hooked on to the Zee Tv dramas. But unreasonable me threw my tantrum.. and went down to 7-11. When I came back, I was visibly upset, still. But dear Dad said so sweetly,"Baby, you don't wanna watch this? Okay la... I'll change the channel for you..." Yeah it's no big sacrifice but it's darn sweet. Especially the way he said it. Dad pampers me a bit too much. I was so touched that I went into my room and cried. Why?? Why are they so giving?? Why am I so unreasonable towards them? Why won't they ever say NO to me? Why do I always get what I want? Why are they so nice?

My parents are very protective of the brother and I. Anyone makes us upset, D-I-E. Mummy wanted to call this Mass Comm mate I fell out with (we know who) and screw her up for God-knows-what reason. They are a bit too protective, I say. Their love for us speaks volumes!

I know of people whose Dads hardly care for them (or so, they say). It makes me feel ever-so-thankful that my Dad has showered me with not just my materialistic wants, but also with a lot of love. He's always so busy working that he hardly has time to interact with us. But simple things like picking me up from work last Friday really made my day. And then talking about my future... I feel so blessed that both my parents are already planning for my future, along with me. At least now they know what I want and I know what they expect from me. I thank both my parents from being my pillars of strength and giving me utmost support in everything I've done/I'm doing. Thank You for showing me the light whenever I'm lost. Thank You for picking me up whenever I'm down and out.

I remember the first time I failed my Physics test when I was in sec 3 (CT1)... it was the first time I failed in my entire life. I remember both my parents were there to hug me and wipe away my tears. They assured me that "failures are stepping stones to success". No, I never got better in Pure Physics, but they definitely played a huge part in motivating me to excel. No matter how badly I think I did for O levels (r5 17 is BAD), they tell me that they're so glad that I made it. How can I disappoint them this time? If there's any reason why I decided to stay on in Mass Comm then it's only because of my Dad. He never wanted me to become like the brother.. drop outta course and join another course. Dad wants me to become a teacher, eventually. I will, but I wanna do something else first. Not sure what exactly, but yeah. We'll see.

For now, I thank God for blessing me with these wonderful people. Life ain't that bad after all ey? =)

At the end of the day, friends come and go.. some stay back for my tomorrow. But the ones who were, are and will be there forever are my family. Mother, father, brother... I love you all!!!!

Countdown: One month plus to our family photoshoot! Hooray!

plans plan and more plans!

2007-02-11T17:08:00.000+08:00

I'm not the kinda person who'll go like,"How can you say it's a class outing when you never invite us? We'll have our own class outing (us 4)" Familiar? LoL! It's hilarious seeing how double-sided people really are sometimes. This is life, I guess. Yucks. It disgusts me totally thinking about it. Talk about being upright ey?

Anyway, I demanded for the day off today. I think Joseph is taking advantage of the fact that I've been so nice. So yesterday, I made no sales (who cares really when I still get my basic pay?). He sms-ed me asking how many vouchers did I sell and I didn't reply. The naggy old man would have called me up at that hour to ask about how come there weren't any sales, what was wrong yadayada. So far I managed to sell 3 booklets of my 1st day and 2 booklets on my 2nd day. Yesterday was the 3rd day but I didn't feel like working already. I kinda lost the mood. So I didn't reply him.

Today morning he sms-ed me TWICE and left me a CallerAlert. I got fed up and replied,"0. Sorry for the delay, 'cos I went to sleep immediately after having my medication". Shortly after, he sent me an sms saying,"Ok today don't go work. Have a rest". I was DAMN happy of course! Less than 5 minutes later, he sent me another message,"Sorry wrong person. You go down to Bt Panjang Plaza at 5pm. Thanks". WHAT THE F**K!!!!!! So coincidental eh! Same context, but different person! I got so pissed off, I sms-ed him saying,"I really don't think I can work today 'cos im feeling unwell. Sorry." and there you go~ I off my phone. He's like one bloody stalker la! I think I'm gonna complain to the Deli head office regarding this. How can an employer be so unfeeling?? How can you force me to stay on when I really don't want to?? THAT'S IT!!!!!

Last year, I quit my job around the same time too. In fact, I worked for everyday from 11am to 9.30pm (sometimes 10pm) at Taka Dept Store. Stand all day long okay! I lasted for about 26 days... left just 4 days before the contract ended but oh well.. it was seriously nice working there. No way in hell I can stand THAT long in a cafeteria like Deli. At least while I was at Taka, I could walk around, from the first level to the third, stock up on the tees, fold the clothes over and over again, talk to the other staff there from various brands like Timberland, Dapper, Ashworth and a hell lot more! Sigh.

The staff all over the Deli outlets are damn nice though. Super duper nicey! So nice that I think I'll drop by to visit them some time! =)

Nothing beats life in school man. Minus the Mass Commers here and there, minus the bloody loser of an ex who hacked my account (wait, you don't even deserve the title "ex"), some seriously double-sided people, i think everything else went a-okay. It's seriously sad that I can't say that I've made most of my time in poly 1st year. I hope the brother and the childhood mate get through to NP.. that will definitely perk things up a lot more! And andddd Raudah and I gotta start hanging around the West more often!

Upcoming plans...

24th Feb ... eve of Raudah's (the bro's gf) birthday!! I think I'll get her a gift this time round. We never got the chance to get to know each other better while she was with bro for the last 3 years. So, we're having our day out on 24th Feb! Seoul Garden, Bugis Village, Memsaab.. just a few places we're planning to hit! Gonna be funnnnnn spending day with the gorgeous one!

This is the only known date by far. The rest are not fixed on any days yet.

-Day out with my 2 fav mates back then in AISS! (I swear I can't wait to see you guys again!! The last time round it was kinda brief.. we have a hell lot to talk about!!)

-Outing with Jes and Angie (yesterday just wasn't enough!)

-Outing with the childhood mates (plus Wuzzy this time round! we have been tooo busy! wait til Sarah's done with her exams)

-Spend-a-day at my Nani's (maternal gramma's). With the cousins. MSN isn't enough at all.

-Drop by and visit Shefkat (my eldest Paki cuzz) at his shop @ Golden Landmark. We'll see if he recognises me still.. it's been almost 8 years.. and no, we've been living in Singapore since forever. Just, never met for some reasons. But this time round, I wanna make it a point to visit him 'cos I miss him so.. he's damnnnn good looking. If you thought my brother's good looking, wait til you see this one! And yes, he's single.. very smart too (from TJC). BUT! he's 4 years younger than my mum! Hahahaha. That's like.. ummm.. 37 this year?

-MOSQUE!!! Yes!!! High time I go to the mosque and pray. I haven't been to the mosque in a wee long while. Shame on me, as a Muslim. High time I do something about it. YESSSS.

-Gym-ing sessions. Yes yes, time to start running on the track again. Once I've gained my stamina back, I can start hitting the gym on a weekly basis. I wanna get toned.

-I'm thinking of hitting the beach actually, but I don't wanna get tanned. I'm starting to regain my colour slowwwwwlyyyyyy. Which is why I'll go running only in the evenings =P

-I wanna go movie marathon-ingggg! Target: Childhood mates again! YAY! Either that or, rent some DVDs, drag the mates to my place and mess the entire house up after that! That's what we do all the time, anyway~

-I wanna get my new fone! Yayyyy!! It's amazing that I hardly touched my 200 bucks from the Miss Bollywood title okay. God knows how hard it was resisting the temptation to shop my money away. It's a tough fight between Samsung (again, yes yes! i want the 12.9 one!) and Sony Ericsson (more or less, the IN brand now).

-Grand Hyatt with the family. This is a MUST! We haven't been to Hyatt for.. a month or so? ARGHHH. Let's go Hyatt-ing again! This time round, Raudah shall be with us! Yay! I think my future bf is so lucky. *winkwink*

-A date with myself~ Yes... I feel like heading to Nad's Starbucks @ Novena and chill my day away.. either with a book or the iBook. I'd prefer if it rains.. nicey~

Alrighty that's all for now~

I love you.. you know this, don't you?

news, news and more news!

2007-02-10T22:24:00.000+08:00

Woots~ Previous post sounded so angry eh. Don't worry though, I'm okay with everything already (except THE ONE who didn't bother to show up or apologise at all). I greeted Cheak very nicely yesterday, mouthing "*TOOT* YOU!" but he was seriously apologetic. hahaha. Basket.

Anyways, I've been busy working and earning lotsaaaa monehhh. WOOHOOOO~!!!!! I did relief teaching on thursday, supposedly on friday as well but Delifrance booked me already much earlier. So dammit..! I miss the kids!!! 2 Patience... sweet bunch!! I saw this REALLY cute lil boy and asked him what race he was... turns out that he's Eurasian. That explains his hair colour, fair complexion and very cute lil ang moh features. Nicey!

Today while working, there was this American Muslim family that dined at Deli. Like seriously, pure ang moh but Muslim.. the wifey wore a hijab. And they looked very nice together, complete with 2 adorable kids; 1 boy, 1 girl. This lil girl wanted to colour the stuff we have on the Kids' Menu, so she came up to me and said..

Girl: Excuse me, may I have some crayons pleeease? (in a SUPER CUTE TONE!)

Me: Sorry my dear, we don't have any~

Girl: You don't have any? (biting her finger at this point.. DAMN CUTE LA!)

OMG! I felt like kidnapping her there and then!!!! I don't know about you guys, but I hardly see American Muslims around. The ones I know are desis, so that don't really count. Sorry Waseem darling =P

Mum got pissed off with bro and I (yea yea michievous us!) so she haven't talked to us since Tuesday. But Dad saves the dayyyy!!! He's been spending so much time with us, since mum's busy working.. everytime we quarrel, she takes more overtime. I don't know why she prefer running away from us than to talk to us again. Oh well, I don't differ at all. I feel damn tired right now but I'd rather work than to stay home and see Mum looking unhappy, ignoring me like I'm invinsible. So as you can tell by now, things aren't really bright on my side. Oh well. This is life.

Other news... Freestylerz didn't make it to the top 10. But I definitely prayyy they get through the wildcards choices! You go, G!!!! G and I go wayyyyyy back since the Immy days. If there was anyone who knew how much I was into him back then, it was G. He'd make fun of the zoo trip, talk to me and when the fan blows, he'd say,"ooohhh there ur going up Mount Everest again!" Haha inside joke. We were the "trenty" bro and sis! The word "trenty" came from this guy we punked on IRC some years ago on #Eurasian (or was it Eurasians?). His name's Joshua Trent and he wanted to dirty-talk so G posed as a girl and "trented" him bigtime!!! It was HILARIOUS!!!!! Cracked us up totally! Then, G went missing for a while.. and when he emerged, he left soon.. 'cos of a misunderstanding, which he finally got over since long ago. He asked me to vote 100 times for him... hahaha crazy. I did vote a few times though. Mind you, I've NEVER voted for any competitions. But since G's THE MAN, I had to. For "trenty" sake!

And G looks very cute, I think. He's the fairer one from FS. He hasn't grown at all (height wise). Haha. Cuteeeee~ Go on and make Yishun proud ok! =)

I saw so many people while I was working. Well duh, I was at Northpoint's Deli so.. what else can I expect eh? Hehe. But it was ABSOLUTELY nice seeing Jes, Angie and Weiyuan again after sooooo long laaaaa!!! Others like Nabil, Shafiq, Farhan, Yan, Mirah (although she didn't notice me). And some juniors likes Sharmila, Kanitha, Hashwini and so many more lah. I can't even remember already. Yesterday noon, I was there as well. Saw Putra (my favourite Minah's ex), my juniors like PJ, WL, CL, Joy, and i forgot who else. Oh yes! Ex pri schoolmate like Nizar (which reminds me, I saw Ain and her bf today!). And Khai Anwar!! I went lunch with him. Irsyad and Fayyadh met us after that.. we went down to AI (except Yadh).

I swear I almost teared when I reached AI. Life was so much simpler back then.. After school, lunch.. and then training, and finally back home. Dammit. I stood at the courtyard, where the netball court was at. I stood there, reminiscing the days I spent there. Strangely, I can only recall the Sec 4 days.. glorious! Besides, I was with Immy for the later half of the year. Uhuh now it makes more sense innit? LoL. The canteen, the corridors, the courtyard, the hall, the stairs leading to my 4E6 classroom, the staffroom, the library and the room beside it (debate days). So many things.. I felt so sad at that point of time, I almost teared. Now? I have a bigger school, friends from all walks of life, tertiary level so more is expected of us.. supposed to be a cool ride but here I am thinking how I screwed my life up by putting Mass Comm as my first choice.

I screwed my life up bigtime. Wrong school, wrong people (thank God not the whole lot is like that, or I'll just D-I-E), wrong route. Vish from CWP Delifrance asked me where I'm schooling at so I replied,"Ngee Ann Poly.. majoring in Mass Comm" and he was like, "WOW! That's COOL!" I turned, smiled and said, "not so.. heh". Another one, Khairunnisa from Northpoint Deli said it was her bigtime DREAM to get through to Mass Comm and that she envies everyone who got through (she's doing higher NITEC this April). So I looked at her and said,"Don't be mistaken. It's not as rosy as you think it is". And finally, I met Shane at my block's void deck just after returning from work. He asked me the same question so I said,"I'm in NP la" and he immediately guessed,"Mass Comm?" and I was like, yeah.. and yet another bugger who went,"COOOOOL!!!" Bloody fool la cool cool...

I told Dad that I was thinking of quitting my Deli job and he was behind me, totally. I mean, he's MY DAD! He kinda made sense when he said,"They are paying you 7 bucks an hour to sacrifice ur weekend. That's prolly just twice the normal amount. Is it worth it then?" It made perfect sense to me!!! Yes, I'm gonna quit! Relief teaching suits me fine. The promoter job is boring man... all I do is, I stand until I see customers coming in... approach them and ask if they're interested in the vouchers or not. Easy job but standing for hours can kill. Like what Dad said,"You are used to the home environment kind. You can't do these tough jobs! These vouchers are meant to "con" people, after all. And lying is not your forte". I hate to prove him right but well... it's so true la! Oh well. I'm still young anyways. We'll see what happens after I resign.

Oh oh! Fashion show number 2 coming up!! One of the contestants from Bolly Nite contacted the brother's girlfriend and I and asked if we were interested to join this fashion contest. It's really different though. Bolly Nite got screwed up and they didn't sponsor us the costumes so we wore our own (yes yes our own). But this one's different. VERY different in fact. I'm not gonna spill anything, wait til the photos come! Ooops~ Looks like modelling isn't too far away ey? =)

Shape up shape up shape up!!!

jolly gone wrong

2007-02-09T00:54:00.000+08:00

I went to work today, relief again. They are a sweet bunch of people man.. seriously! I enjoyyyy working with the teachers there! Makes me feel like im one of them already! *thumbs up!*

I spent half the day talking to the brother's gf, Raudah. She's a sweetie pieeeee no one can resist! And no she's SO NOT malay. She's Paki. A very, very pretty Paki =)

We're gonna take part in yet another contest!! But I hope I won't fly off to Thailand then =/ cos I'd be flying off (yoohoo! Thai Airways again!) in late March, most likely. I don't wanna spend my bday in Singapore... even though Nad suggested meeting up on my bday and have a lil celebration.. but we'll see how it goes. We know why I don't wanna be in Singapore for my bday yea... It friggin hurts...

And so Immy got nominated as cleo's top 50 bachelor thingy. Hmm.

So, all my final projects got screwed. Not one. Not two. But three. God, bless me please? I'm just glad that I'm done with this already. I wanna pretend as if there are no exam grades to care about. please please. I don't know how everything got fucking screwed.

Thanks. Seriously, all.

Someone please remind me not to FUCKING trust anyone to do anything right? Someone please fucking knock that in my head.

I'm sorry if you think I'm too paranoid but I'm not THAT smart. I need every single mark. Good if you've been scoring but don't be fucking selfish. I need the damn fucking marks la FUCK!

Sarah, what's the point in saying all this now? You are in MASS COMM. You can't fucking trust anyone, stupid girl. You don't get REAL friends here. You don't fucking let anyone gain your trust.

Trust me. If you've broken my trust at any point of time this week, I'm never never gonna trust you at all. I swear I won't. I may talk to you, but forget about us being real friends at all. Yes, I'm being damn direct here cos I don't like bitching behind others much. I'm telling yall that I'm seriously disappointed and I don't think yall will ever gain my trust back. Not this lifetime at least. Just think for yourselves... is it fair to me? If not for work (on BOTH occassions) I seriously wouldn't bother you guys. I swear I wouldn't.

Ah fuck those la. I got no mood to blog already.

Warning: Mighty Long Post

2007-02-05T02:10:00.000+08:00

Okay, so last Friday, I went to work.. first day! I was all excited, of course. So when I reached JP's Delifrance outlet, I was greeted by this smiling waitress. She knew I was there for the VVV promotion. The manager appeared strict at first but it took us only 5 minutes to settle the admin stuff and then he switched to crazy mode! He was super hyper and fun to work with!!!! And and... the aunties in the kitchen were... *thumbs up!* They were DAMN friendly and nice la!!! I like 'em so much, I'm missing them already!!!

Aunty: What's your name?
Manager: Sheriffaaaa Aini!! (he said it in that slang. and in case you don't know, Sharifah Aini is this Malay singer with many moles.. i think)
Me: Haha no la... just Shariffa...
Aunty: Ohhh.. Shariffa Alsagoff?
Me: Eh no lah Aunty... I'm not arab
Aunty: Ohhh! You look like an arab!

Awwwww... I was flattered of course. Then they started teasing me, saying that I should work on Sat and Sun without fail cos the hunks are there all the time then. Haha. VERY sporting crew!

Then, after 2 hours of standing and doing nothing, I started talking to the nice waitress. Suddenly, I felt damn giddy! I almost blacked out! And I knew why... I skipped almost 4 days of meal. I survived on Florida's Natural's orange juice and a bar of Hershey's cookies and cream for those 4 days. So, she helped me to the kitchen and I sat on this stool there (damn detailed huh? haha. just read lah!). She got me hot chocolate (yumz!) and I felt so much better after having it. I was about to leave when the aunties stopped me.

"No girl no! You must have something! You will be working til night right? You have to eat!!"

So, one of them made me chicken sandwhich. Nice la~ I was munching on my sandwhich when the manager came into the kitchen...

Manager: (storms in) YESSSSS!!! I just sold 38 booklets!
Me: SERIOUS!? (the commission is his, you see. about $177 in commission alone.)
Manager: Yeah.. some company wanted it la, so I sold it to them.

Ohmygawd. If I didn't feel giddy then, I would have asked them if they were interested to purchase the vouchers... oh well.. it's okay..

Then... I went for break at 3pm.. Thank God someone was there to accompany me for the whole 2 hours. Then again, if you weren't there, I would have booked a nice spot and slept comfortably! =) I kid I kid.

Anyways, I went back to work at about 5pm and my myyyy~ The crowd started to come in by then. And oh, the waiters came soon after... GOODNESS! There's this SUPER cute, SUPER nice Indonesian waiter!!! He's tall, fair, has a nice nose, pretty eyes (woah!), his voice can make any girls go weak in their knees, he's so hardworking, and the way he served the customers... he has a way with them! Damn polite kinda person... damn nice la...

So, working at night was better... despite the fact that my blisters were killing me left right centre. Oh well..

I sold 3 booklets!! I never thought I'd sell a single booklet at all! Not bad! =)

Then when I reached home, I logged on to Friendster... I saw the message I've been waiting for, for 2 years now. Not exactly what I expected but I guess, there's hope still. I love you too much that it hurts... Immy...

Strangely enough, the very next morning, I was about to reply Immy (yes, it took me a whole night to think about what I should reply him), when Friendster asked me to verify my email add. I clicked on the "verify email add" link and some kepalabiskot@yahoo.com.sg appeared. Which Malay Mat have I offended?? HAH! Think I don't know ah!? You are the world's most useless hacker I've ever seen la, YOU BASTARD!

See, this hacker probably thought that I would never know the email add he used to replace it with mine. And, I gave my password to only one person in my entire life (which ended up as a BIG mistake) and that person happens to speak malay so often! WOW! Coincidence or what! What's more coincidental is that it happened just a few hours after I announced here in my blog that Immy messaged me. And no, Immy never did have my password. So, who then??

I sought help from the Friendster Team and tadaaaa... it didn't take a lot to find out at all, Mr Useless Hacker. Like what Rav told me earlier, it's damn childish and stupid to hack into someone's account. And I agree. So kaypo! Thing is, if you messed with my account even, I'd feel glad cos I'd know that someone hates me. But if you don't mess with my account and just read my inbox, it makes me hate you a hell lot. You know what? Watch your back. Just watch your back.

So, when I realised that I couldn't log on to Friendster on my Safari browser, I screameddddd!! At 10am in the morning, when the parents were having breakfast and the brother just woke up from sleep. Friendster's like, my LIFE (after MSN). I used Friendster mainly for finding old-time friends and here, this bastard hacks my account, sealing me away from my people. WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?! WHO THE FUCKING HELL TEACH YOU TO INVADE IN OTHERS' PRIVACY?! YOU ARE THE BIGGEST LOSER I'VE EVER COME ACROSS IN MY ENTIRE LIFE! FUCK OFF FROM MY LIFE.

See, just when I mentioned about the Net stalker 2 posts ago.

Anyways, I was damn sad... so I created a temporary account... all the while when I was outside with the parents, I kept whining over my great loss. They advised me to not trust anyone with my password anymore. The mother added,"Huh? This is what you used to call, a nice person? Sarah, please. You hardly trust anyone in ur life then now why?" Mummy was damn right. I've been wanting to change my password actually.. just that, I never got down to doing it. And this had to happen a day after Immy messaged. As if it will make a difference at all.. bah!

My parents and I went to Lil India to get my pair of earrings to suit my elegant Indian costume which was turqoise in colour. We had lunch first and once we were done with that, off we headed to the accessories store... on the way there, I saw this fortune teller with her parrot and cards, shells everything. My cousins went to her for fortune telling before... for the fun of it though. We Muslims are not allowed to believe whatever the fortune teller says, no matter how tempting it is to believe it. So I went to have my fortune told, for the fun of it.

Fortune teller: Orang kaya punya anak! (reach man's child!)
Mummy: (looks at me) of course la... who provide everything for you after all?
Fortune teller: She's a smart girl and will excel in her studies. Send her for high education, she can make it. But, she will have guy problems. She must not get attached while she's studying. once she reaches a higher level, she'll get a very good man to marry. BUT the parents MUST inquire about her guy's family background and his own one also.

Sheesh. I was shocked la... And I read the card the parrot pulled out for me..

"You are very impulsive by nature. You are very straightforward and frank and this is why you have your enemies lined up. But, you are highly ambitious. You will obtain abundant wealth and a position in future. You need to bank on your education because you are bright by nature. Your charming self will attract many, but don't be impulsive."

For a moment, I thought I was reading my own horoscope! Seriously! Go check out what an average Ariean's horoscope's like.. very similar to this.

Then again, my fate lies in the hands of God... =) only He knows what lies in store for me.

Off we went to the accessories shop... and damnnnn... I got this pair of earrings for 30 bucks!!1 But it's damnnnnnnnnnnnnnn PRETTY! I swear I love it SO MUCH! Damn fashionable! Will post a pic of it in the next post. Talk about impulsive shopping eh? Haha!

We drove back home and I had to get ready quickly to meet Raudah and Mumtaz. We were all so excited la!!! Bolly Nite 2007 was fun, but it could have been better.

Raudah and me in the makeup room.

After the makeup and hairdressing! (Mumtaz, Raudah and me)

Us, with another contestant

Hahahahaha! This pic cracks me up! I look like Mumtaz's mummy! And she looks sooo comfortable leaning against my shoulder! HMPH! Hahahahaha.

Soon enough, we had to leave the room and head for the backstage where Raudah's cuzzie, Faisal and all were. He's pretty cute too, and sings damnnn well! *thumbs up to the Yaadein band!*

I was contestand number 4!!! The other 2 were 10 and 12 respectively. I was damn nervous la! We had to parade on stage for a minute and the stand at the mic to indicate that we're ready for the QnA (thank God for Speech Comm!).

When it was my turn, I decided to do something different from everyone else and live up to the Bolly title. So my entrance was different from everyone else's. I draped my scarf over my head and held it my my hands, my head bowed down slightly. Very Indian bride-ish! Then came the catcalls and all... and the moment I lifted my dupatta (like a shawl), I saw my brother!!! OH BUMMER!! OF ALL PEOPLE IN THE UNIVERSE!!!! He was giving me that freaking irritating smile.. I actually laughed a lil onstage but covered it up by smiling like this :D urgh! so I made a few poses onstage and then stood in front of the mic, ready for my question.

This Peranakan lady whohas been in the "industry" for long, asked me.. "Who is your favourite actor and why?" Come on! Surely you can give me something more challenging! The 2 girls before me had really challenging questions. But oh well~ Of course I said Hrithik Roshan 'cos he's such a versatile actor, so charismatic and of course, good looking.. he has what it takes to be the next Bolly hit actor.. his performance in Dhoom 2 showed a lot. They seemed rather impressed with my simple answer.. =)

The brother's girlfriend sashayed so sexily on stage!! Mumtaz and I were like, WOAH!!! HOTNESS!!! As it is, she's super gorgeous...! All 3 of us had to avoid eye contact with my brother 'cos he'd make funny faces... and he has this smile which looks evil but really cute!

All our mothers were there as well.. snapping away as we sashayed... unfortunately, the mother didn't get to snap pixxies of me sashaying 'cos she said I walked too fast... what the hell! ARGHHH! Should have recorded the entire thing..

Weeeweeeet! Mumtaz sashaying!

Mumtaz answering her question..

Woohoooo!~ Sexay lady on the floor!

And there she goes... walking towards the mic

And we all gather...

As you can see, some are horrendously old.

The one near Raudah is a 15 year old model. Really tall for a 15 year old! Then again, I was taller at 15. Muahahahahaha!

I think I was whining... Mumtaz hearing on... Hahaha funny expression there!

Cheeeeeese! (verdict gonna be out!!)

Everyone receives a prize except Raudah and I. The brother said from before that his gf would definitely win me. I expected that too, since she looked SPLENDID!!! Surprisingly, my name was announced as Miss Bollywood.. *blush* Mum captured everyone else in this pic except ME when I was receiving my prize! WHAT THE HELL!!! ARGH!

When it was down to just Raudah and I, we were mumbling,"Ah it's okay.. after all we're gonna walk away with either $150 or $200.. worth it la". I won 200 bucks for doing nothing. Worth it, I swear. Hahahaha.

Us, with bro

My sis in law-to be-if all goes well. InsyAllah.

They look like a movie-star couple!

Thanks for everything, bro. I love you a hell lot. =)

And todayyyyy... I spent the day setting up my new account and messaged Immy on his blank account, informing him of the hack. And he already viewed my page today. I'm happy. I don't know why but I am. =)

Some messages to some people...

Harish, I can't let history repeat itself. Let God decide what happens next yeah?

And Rav, I love today's conversation. 6 more months and we're gonna spend late nights at Changi Village, enjoying the breeze at Changi Beach, and Hindi/Punjabi songs on the way back home... gonna pimp ur ride again! Or hopefully, mine, if I get my licence by then! I'm really looking forward to this one. Many wuvs and huggiez! =)

Vanes, thanks for introducing me to the online desi radio.. now i'm addicted to it!! =)

Mumtaz, you are the bubbliest person I've ever come across! We met for the second time yesterday, and we never did chat at all between then and yesterday but we hit it off so well!! Hindi karaoke-ing some time?? *grinz*

Raudah, my precious sis... the way bro disturbs you each time and puts you on loudspeaker everytime you guys talk every night, the way you sound, the way you both connect with each other... I swear it's so touching to just observe you both. I wish I'd share the same thing with my special someone some years down the road. You guys have been together for 4 years now.. it's a veryyyy long time. I didn't like the brother's first but you... are absolutely genuine and nice. God bless you both. =) Mwaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!!

I chatted with more than 10 people today. Goodness.. I'm off now! nitey!

The failure of my love

2007-02-03T01:31:00.000+08:00

Today's my first day at work and it went fine. I had a lot to say initially, but when I reached home, logged on to Friendster, I saw this message I couldn't ignore.

Hi Shariffa..I've been a while since we last communicated..and i think i owe u a big apology over incidents couple of years ago..i should have spoken to u about it..i believe u know who i am..if not, thats ok..i was just going on your friendster and blog..and i think i've missed out on that..my sincere apologies..hope u're doing great..all the best in ur studies..pls terminate this email after reading..
wish u well and all hapiness in your life.

:-)

Regards,
U know who..

Yes. I know who you are. How can I not know you? If I don't then obviously I don't love you enough. But bloody hell, I bloody do. You missed out on a lot, honey. You seriously did. I needed you so badly exactly a year ago, where were you? The least you could have done was to tell me.. tell me the truth. Instead, you hid it from me... that made me really upset, Immy. I swear it did.

He created an account just to send me that message, and for future profile-snooping, I bet. Since he knows that anyone can view my profile now. Anyways, I "opened" my profile up for a purpose and this was it. I had to reach him and he knows how much I can't resist blogging... whenever he knew something wasn't right with me, the first thing he'd do was to check my (old) blog and then ask me about it. You were too nice... No one has been that nice with me like the way you were.

I have a lot to say to you and you know this too. I can act tough outside but you know I'm a softy at heart, especially when it concerns you. When I saw a new message from a "blank" Friendster account, I knew it must be from someone who's tryna conceal his/her identity. When I read the first few lines of your message, I already knew who it was. Yes Immy. 2 years ago isn't too far behind. I can still remember every single stupid joke you made... the way you sound, the way you spoke, the way you were... I liked everything about you. And today, you seek my forgiveness over your one and only mistake.. it's too huge a mistake. I know that someday, we'll talk again. Whether as just friends or more, I don't know. But if that day comes, then your feat will be mine. If that day comes, I'll be more than happy. But if it doesn't, I hope that we'll be happy for a very long while, no matter what we do and where we go.

...and I still love you. a lot. more.

dreamy me + sudden tappings = ivan's 2nd victory!

2007-01-31T19:02:00.000+08:00

Yawwwwwwwwwwn!!! I'm gonna take a nap in a while. But before that...

Ivan's victory number 2!!! Here's what happened...

(Lav talks to some fellow MCM-ers... I started to daydream.. you see, before I reached school, Lav said that she saw my eye candy... so NATURALLY, I would slip into daydream mode)

*bubbles appear*

*sudden tapping on my shoulders*

"Shariffa~!"

I screamed my ass off, I swear the whole Atrium turned to look where that came from!!! OMG!!! The loudest I have screamed so far! It was like.. "AHHHHH!!!!!!!" And yes! No prizes for guessing who the culprit was!!!!!!!!! ARGHHHHHH!!!!!

I don't know what Ivan's gonna do tomorrow. Will he make it a hatrick? Or will he give up? OR will Shariffa take revenge!!?? *MUAHAHAHAHAHA!*

Sooo... I was in school to do Speech Comm with Lav.. we had to synchronise our speeches and made sure that it flows nicely. And tadaaaaaa..!! We're both pretty excited actually!! *grinz*

Oh yes yes, I finally got down to messaging the 1st "ex's" cuzzie on Friendster... her wedding pixxies are ABOLUTELY stunning!!! Like, WOAH! Seriously. And got the reply todayyy.. Not just that, someone else messaged me on Friendster.. no, that's not new but from girls, yes! It's new! My brother's friend though.

"I seriously think you are pretty no matter what your brother says!"

I knew the bugger will never have anything good to say about me. So I replied,"hey thanks for the compliment! And why am I not surprised! I still think that he has very nice legs for a girl"

Hahahahaha. Whoever told him to start his nonsense! But she's nicey =) I like!

Oh yes, talking about Friendster... I like the fact that many people are non-anonymous on Friendster these days. But what irritates me is when someone I really,really dislike views my profile. Like, please. Get over it. I don't care if I'm being a bitch but if this carries on, then I'll be forced to delete you off my list and restrict my profile viewing to my 1st degree of friends only. You know who you are. To put it bluntly, I don't believe in second chances. I don't fancy emotional buggers cos they NEVER score points with me. As far as possible, stay away from my life. Enough damage has been done and now that everything is over, just go away. OK? If you think you'll die if you don't visit my profile, then kindly go anonymous. 'cos ignorance is bliss.

Besides, I know you read my blog. Get a life please. You have no right to get in touch with my life anymore. I am VERY happy with my life. I don't know if you are and I won't even ask 'cos you'll go all emo on me again and I seriously find that sickening. You don't bloody sound like a despo when someone asks you politely, how are you doing? Got that? For the love of God, quit "Net stalking" me.

Alright enough of that. Speech Comm tomorrow! Yay! Radio to be done tomorrow too.. yay! HOPEFULLY, Writt Comm to be completed by tonight! YAY-ness! Joseph called to confirm that I'll be working this Friday and Sunday. I don't know which Delifrance outlet yet. All I know is that, I'm getting my pay on Monday. I have 4 different paydays every month between now and mid April. Let the moolahs flow in! =)

And I hope, this hols I'll find time to get closer to Him. I have distanced myself from Him for so long now... it's about time I become a proper Muslim again. =)

Oh oh!! Aunty Haseenah and family are going for the Bolly Nite as well. Yay~! Gonna be fun!~ And how small is Singapore? Apparently, Aunty Haseenah is related to the brother's girlfriend's dad! As if that isn't enough, my cousin is dating Aunty Haseenah's 2nd son! OMG! Is it the world or is it just Singapore?

I can't wait for Saturday!! I skipped lunch today. Just had dinner though. Yes yes back to THE routine. I need to shape up! *ahem* Desi hunks gonna be there on Saturdayyyyyyyy... time to get the oggle goggles on! Hahaha!

Countdown: 47 days to go (who will I spend it with this time round?)

Psst! It's an important day! =)

blur me + prank call = ivan's victory!

2007-01-30T21:59:00.000+08:00

Today's like.. so hilarious!!! And Ivan Ng shall get it from me!!! Here's what happened...

Last night, before hitting the sack..

Me: Mummy, can you wake me up at 9.45am tomorrow? I need to meet my friend before my lesson.

Next morning..

Mummy: Wake up wake up! It's 9.45 already!

*checks handphone.. many missed calls from an unknown number*

Me: May I know who called Shariffa?

Bugger: Uhh.. did you apply for Moulin Rouge?

Me: (damn blur) uhhh... is this regarding the job application?

Bugger: (burst out laughing) I'm Ivan la!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How MEAN is that!! I just woke up from sleep laaa!! I thought it was my employer or something! Rawwwwwwrrrr!!!! Thank goodness I didn't say,"Oh yeah! I applied for the Moulin Rouge thingy!" Hahahahahahahahahaha! ARGH!! I've been prank called like, countless of times and trust me, I'm the easiest person to fool. So, if you're an amateur, do start off with me. =(

Anyhows, Lav and I decided to scrap today's meeting since she wasn't feeling too well either. But I was supposed to meet Jorge at 2pm for radio. So..

Me: Mummy, can you wake me up at 11? I need to reach school by 2pm

At 11am..

Mummy: Wake up wake up! Or ur gonna be late!

*checks handphone*

*1 new message.. Jorge*

"I think we meet at 3pm lo"

And I agreed. So...

Me: Mummy, can you wake me up at 12.30? I need to reach school by 3pm

Mummy: I'm sick and tired of waking you up already!

Hahahahaha. Every hour was THAT crucial.

Something seriously funny happened during radio production today. I swear I still laugh at the thought of it. Someone rocked his/her chair and the next thing i knew, this person was still on the chair. Only difference was that the chair landed on the floor. HAHAHAHAHA! I swear it was SO funny but damn cute!!!! I'm not gonna mention who though. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. I think, I'm damn evil. I didn't even realise that he/her fell of his/her chair until I turned and saw no one beside me. Whoever knew that the person landed on the floor! Hahahahahahaha.

Okay, here are some pixxies from last Sun's..

Sharifah and Shariffa.. friends since 1996 =) (our brothers were friends wayyyy before!)

Acting cute is so not me. My fingers are too long. Hahaha!

Awwwwww~

Vanity in the changing room. As usual.

I a-d-o-r-e this top!!!! I need ze moolahs! 5th Feb, 5th Feb come quick pleeeease!

Oh, and and... yesterday, I was at my dumbest!

I didn't realise that one of my earrings came off, so I went to school with only one side! Yes, only one earring! Worse part was, I didn't even realise it la!! I went to school and on the way there, I bumped into this bugger who used to admire me. I tried to act cool and all not knowing that I only had an earring on! Then, I reached school, went to the radio production room where I met Jorge... once we were done, we were about to take the lift down when Jorge asked..

Jorge: Do you usually wear ur earring on one side only?

Me: *stunned* no??

Jorge: But there's only one on ur ear. Thats why I was thinking, ur not the kinda person who'd wear only 1 earring.

Me: IM GONNA DIE!!!

It's white gold and definitely not cheap. I have lost many, many earrings, both gold and white gold and this time round, if I lose this one as well, my mum (especially) won't hesitate to murder me brutally!! Haha!

So, I started to get all gabra, traced back to the production room, the lift and all but I couldn't find it still. I even went to the extent of carefully scrutinising the CARPARK at the FMS block. What on Earth!! I could hardly see anything la! So, after 15 minutes, I gave up.. took the cab down to Lakeside and went for my job interview. I felt so down.. 'cos I kinda have an attachment to the earrings... my parents gave me this pair and told me not to lose 'em... but.. oh well...

My job interview went well.. it was more like a briefing though. The other guy who came for the interview, Marcus, was from NP too! So we talked a lil... the job is cool.. just what I wanted! Weekends only.. of course, I can choose to work on weekdays as well but Delifrance is not really "happening" on weekdays.. and I dislike working when there's hardly any crowd 'cos it's damn boring. Chances of oggling are like, damn low! So, this hols I'm gonna do relief teaching on weekdays and the Viva Voucher Promoter job on weekends.. woohoo~! Both jobs have good pay.. Thank God.. it's a matter of managing the moolahs now. Let's hope I don't get careless with the expenditure.

Oh yeah, back to the "mystery of the lost earrings"...

When I reached home, I changed into my home clothes and chucked my jeans on the chair. Then, I saw an earring on my bed, so I thought it was the same one that I took off when I realised that I only had an earring on while I was in school. Then, just to "try my luck", I checked my jeans pocket and YES!!! I found another one!! That was the one that I took off! So this means that, DumbSarah didn't realise that she left home with just an earring on!! Oh well~!

THE day is drawing closer!!! Mumtaz, Raudah and I are definitely damn excited!!! We're like, having tonnes of butterflies in our stomaches! Just the thought of it makes us so anxious! We're all vying for the Miss Bollywood title. Wish me luck! =)

Alright! Gotta do something more productive now! Til then.. ciao~!

yawnz

2007-01-29T01:18:00.000+08:00

I feel extremely tired right now. But I'll still blog. No pixxies for now though. Maybe laterz at noon or night..

I feel extremely loved. I swear I love my brother more after every quarrel. He's probably the best brother anyone can ever have, 'cos he'll flare up for no reason but he cools down damn fast. And maybe thats why we haven't had any major fights... Thank God.

SO, today I had a pretty long day. Started off with the outing I had with Bahiyah. It was nice catching up on a lot of stuff.. mostly family stuff... we're pretty much family girls, I guess. =) In fact, my childhood friends are ALL family people! Weeee~~! Anyways, Bahiyah has changed, definitely.. we lost touch for 6 years.. geez... and come to think of it, I really don't think I've seen her brother, Ali, around.. damn.. he's good looking la!! Glad to know that Isa's doing well too.. =) I think my brother and Isa haven't spoke for a veryyyy long time.

We met up at Northpoint.. then headed down to Shaw Tower to get my tix and off we went to Bugis Junction. Pretty much the normal stuff... got bored after a while so off we went to Centrepoint, Marks and Spencer. I swear I ADORE this particular top... DADDDD! I NEED SOME MOOLAHS! Will post pix of myself in the changing room again.. Went to Cineleisure, took neoprints (for the fun of it... although I'd rather Photoship my pixxies!)... they turned out great, so I shall post 'em up soon enough! =)

Sooo.. I went to meet Mummy dearie at Shaw Tower after that... Mummy actually SLEPT halfway through the movie! She was really tired, but still made it a point to accompany me to catch the movie.. 'cos she knew how much I was looking forward to it and there's no way I'd watch a Bolly movie with anyone except Mummy/Waseem/Ridhi/Rav. Wuzzy couldn't find time for me today and Ridz n Rav aren't in Singapore... so, Mummy to the rescue!

The last time I went to watch a Hindi movie at Shaw Tower (movie, Baabul) it sucked. Don't know why but it just did. The movie was a-okay, but I guess Bolly movies aren't exactly the kinda movies I wanna watch with someone I date (only). When the company gets boring, the whole atmosphere just sucks. I LOVE it when the theatre's SUPER crowded (like today's!!!). It's a whole different feeling! SHIOK!!! So, Mr Dream Guy gotta be as passionate about Bollywood as I am! =)

After the movie, we went to Beach Road for dinner (bloody hell, the movie lasted for a good 4 hours!)... was so sleepy by then... took a cab back... and the brother started disturbing me.

"Hey, so Miss Loser-to-be of Miss Bollywood, are you ready for this Sat's defeat?"

Me: Shut up, really. I'm gonna prove you wrong! Watch me sashay on the runway (as if it's a real runway!). I'm gonna make you stunned.

"Oh really! But Mumtaz is gonna be 3rd for sure, my girlfriend will be 1st or 2nd. You can't get beyond 3rd at all!"

Me: Time will tell. You wait and see!!!

Dammit. He's been giving me unnecessary pressure! I'm joining it 'cos someone requested and I agreed... that's all!~ And most importantly, HAVE FUN!!! So, mission for this week, complete Radio by Tuesday, Speech Comm by today, Writt Comm by Tuesday. That leaves me with the whole of Wednesday to rehearse for the speech with Lav and Thursday... THE day man. Hopefully, by Friday Cheak and I will finish our respective Ps... and do up the design and we can call it a semester! Saturday.. gonna boogie the night away and groove to the ~~armada~~ Bolly beats!

Nach baliye!

when the mind stops and heart thinks

2007-01-27T23:22:00.000+08:00

Lav and I met up to do Speech Comm, only to realise that we should have prepared our speeches and THEN meet. Haha. But we did discuss a lil stuff... I have a feeling our speech is gonna stand out from the rest. Definitely not the mundane, typical kinda topic.. So, watch out for it! I hope we pull it off well =)

We kinda had a long talk... about how poly life was and stuff. It was then that I realised, after the quarrel I had with someone, I’ve been pretty much concerned about me, myself and I. It’s all about me, me and me. Just what I need. I need to know me before I know others, I figured. I don’t know where my faults lie ‘cos people don’t ever dare to tell me in person. Like, “You know what’s your problem? You think you are always in the right!” Yes, too many times I forgot that I’m human to and that I err. I can’t expect to be forgiven for every single mistake I made and neither can I undo things which has turned out for the worst. That’s what I’m like.

I don’t know how you guys, T109, feel about me. What’s your opinion of me? How have I been as a friend? If you know me close enough, where do my faults lie? In what aspects have I failed as a friend? I don’t know how many of you guys actually know me close enough ‘cos I hardly opened myself up to anyone else apart from the clique I used to be from. And, maybe, I won’t ever open up to anyone at all. I have become defensive, I don’t know why. It’s like, after a failure, I become too afraid to let anyone get close. Too afraid that history might repeat itself. Too afraid that I’ll fall again.

I am not a quiet person. Definitely not the kinda girl who would sit down quietly and just giggle. I’ve become that person off-late. Why? I have never been this quiet in my entire life. I don’t usually keep to myself. If I’m pissed off, I say it. If I’ve got something dumb to say, I’ll say it. But why do I prefer to keep quiet? Not like I’ve become TOTALLY quiet, but definitely a lot more quieter as compared to the past 17 years of my life. I can’t stand keeping quiet!!! I HAVE to make noise in order to survive. Yeah, I’m that kinda person. I’m not the demure, girl-next-door kinda girl. I’m bloody loud, nonsensical, ENJOY poking fun at others but only for the fun of it.. nothing personal, and I tend to drift from one topic to another like, really fast! And every topic has a story! Hahaha...

Bet you guys didn’t know this right? Heh. I shouldn’t hide my true self afterall. High time people know me for who I am and not for who I seem to be. Anyone of my frequency? Raise your hands up high in the air!!! (not you long-timer mofos)

Mass Comm. It’s not about the workload. It’s the people.

One year has passed. Number of real friends who have been there... ummm... 2? Lav (hey I still remember that night when you called me) and Mohsen (i’ve lost count the number of times I ran complaining to you and you were there man... you were there allll the time), definitely. Thank God for them at least. Otherwise, I’d prolly just die in Mass Comm. I swear.

I haven’t got a chance to know quite a number of people personally. Like, Gloria... seriously, one of the best people I know in MCM. Hope to get to know you even better! Wella... we started talking since SnW, i believe? We so love netball! =) Wella’s a really, really nice person to talk to as well. Shirin... we started from the whole VK thing.. haha! One super friendly person, but a pity I haven’t got a chance to know her well. Rashmi... super hot, hot and HOT! I swear she’s the first girl who can pull the mohawk off SO well! Her features stand out so well. Like, woah! And she’s quite funny... we all sit nearby during Speech Comm’s lecture. Along with Mehul and Prashant. We’re quite generous with sharing answers. Hahaha! Mehul..! From Medisoc lecture to Speech Comm.. big jump ey. Last sem we used to get teased a lot by our classmates ‘cos of our noses. Haha. The guy who’s never on time for lessons. Quite funny too.

In this one year of Poly life, I have learned a lot and it’s seriously overwhelming. I’ve never appreciated weekends more. I’ve never loved my friends from childhood, primary school and secondary school more. I’ve never treasured my family more. Now I know why they say Poly grads are way more mature than JC grads. Seriously. What we learn in Poly, you guys don’t get that in JC. It’s not about the modules, but “it’s the experience” as Shaheen said. Before, I used to think that I’ve wasted a year by going to Poly ‘cos suppose I went JC and pass my promos and As, I’d be going to a local university (most probably) a year earlier. But now, I think going to Poly is rather wise (I can’t say much about going to Mass Comm though). What we get is beyond textbooks, notes or visual aids. I hardly studied in this one year. Yet, I’ve learned so much. The different kind of people you meet here... some are undoubtedly nice, some are totally indescribeable. The different way of learning... projects, assignments... textbooks are, more or less, passe.

CCAs are different too. Or, let’s just say I made a mistake in joining something I wasn’t sure of instead of going back to netball. It would have saved me a hell lot of trouble. But that would subtract the very-very-sweet memories I had in NP Hockey. But, oh well. Shouldn’t have. Shouldn’t have. 2 moves and that was it. The end.

I told Lav the r-e-a-l reason why I broke up with the ex. *awkward silence*

So, after every break up, my list of criteria gets longer and longer.. let’s see...

TURN ONs!

1) Brains (c’mon... not too much to ask for right!)

2) Looks (oh, I don’t wanna be a hypocrite and say it’s optional or unimportant. At least have THE features)

3) Attitude (yeah. Men SHOULD have attitude please! Not too much though. Otherwise, it’s a TURN ON!!)

4) Good sense of humor (my kinda humor.. which, only a few people I know of understands. But if you do, then ur my best friend already!)

5) Integrity (top of the list please! Men or guys without integrity turns me off big time. If you don’t have it, it’s like telling me how incapable you really are and that’s as good as useless)

6) Chivalrous (not TOO chivalrous ‘cos I’ll end up getting too dependent but still, chivalrous. If you don’t believe in chivalry, then at least have integrity)

7) Family person (Just like me! Family guys make great dads and even better life-partners! It’s definitely a plus point)

8) Listener (This is a MUST! ‘cos if you don’t listen when I talk, I get SUPER pissed off and that’s as good as BYE BYE! When someone listens, it shows how much he really cares about you and how interested he is in knowing you even better)

TURN OFFs!

1) Romantic fellas (no, you don’t score points with me for being romantic. I may write like a Juliet but don’t be mistaken. I hate holding hands in public ‘cos the first time, you get “the feeling”. But after a while, it dies off. When Mr Dream Guy holds my hand and looks into my eyes, I know he wants to tell me how much he loves me. It’s that kinda connection that keeps you going)

2) Deaf buggers (I’d rather talk to the wall than to talk to such fellas. I swear! I HATE the feeling of getting ignored. It’s WORST when I talk and then you say something DAMN random. That’s like, asking for it man. I know we’re incompatible when you turn a deaf ear. It’s another BYE BYE sign)

3) Bad English (c’mon! This is the bare minimum! All you have to do is to AVOID speaking English with a Malay/Chinese/Indian accent and I’m fine. Speaking Malay turns me off big-time, don’t ask why)

4) Integrity-less (I have no comments on this. A man/guy without integrity is as good as him being male minus his manhood)

5) “Sloppies” (If you dress sloppily or without enough ‘attitude’, it turns me off. Maybe this is why I prefer the older dudes ‘cos they know how to dress and when to dress. It’s like, “Hey look! This one’s mine! All mine! Step back!” Ummm... right.)

6) Emo losers (Don’t and I mean, DON’T go all emotional over me ‘cos that NEVER works. It makes me feel like, “Oh bugger off!”. I’m pretty heartless so you can’t expect an “awwwww!” from me... you will most likely get an “arghhhhhhh!” So, avoid saying things like, “Oh, I’m gonna die any moment now. Will you want me?” That’s a big HAHA. And trust me, I’ve seen emo losers who think sympathy can get them to places they dream off. Bleah!)

7) The I-DIE-DIE-WANT-YOUs (possessive jackasses should get a life. If you are possessive, it means you are insecure which CLEARLY shows that your self-esteem is friggin’ low. Low self-confidence. That sucks big time)

8) Jealous buggers (an extension of the I-DIE-DIE-WANT-YOUs. I have many, many guy besties so live with it. They have been there for me, way before you bugger(s) came along)

Please note that the above aren’t hints at someone(s). Like I said, after every failed relationship, my expectations get higher and higher. No one has, so far, crossed the bar Immy set. I talk like I’m damn perfect and am gonna get a guy like this but oh well~! You never know who’s out there looking for you, innit? *wInKz*

To top it off, the BEST guy isn’t the one who tries to match or avoids these criterias. He doesn’t try to be someone who he isn’t, but makes me appreciate him for the way that he is. =)

Tu mere pyaar ki kahani hai~ Kaun ho tum?

"short" post

2007-01-26T21:39:00.000+08:00

Okay I'll make this a quick post.

'cos SOMEONE said,"Sarah, please DON'T sleep when you get home. 'cos you won't wake up!"

so I'm waiting for 10pm, when SOMEONE finishes tutoring his 2 kids.

=P

Someone, someone~ Tsk tsk. Irrrritant! *nanny nanny poo poo!*

Anyways, I'm feeling a hell lot better right now.. was pretty down yesterday 'cos of what the brother said... he claimed that my parents showed favourtism, I always get what I want, I get all the attention from them, I'm the smart one, I'm this, I'm that... but of course, egoistic me put on the brave front and acted like I was indifferent to whatever he told mummy.. I went into my room, locked myself up and started crying... it freaking hurt... the way he said it...

Then today, met Biggy at about evening... at our usual place... where there's nothing but peace and ease. Really. If not for Biggy and the huggy wuggy, I would be feeling miserable still... but I thank God for you, Biggy. Seriously. I can't imagine how it'd be like when you leave Singapore for Aussie about one year from now... who will irritate me? Who will sms me out of the blue when I'm on my way to school and say,"That outfit does/doesn't suit you" and make me look for you in the train like a mofo when you were actually IN A CAB on the way to JURONG EAST! Gawd... I got fooled bigtime man... =/

Heart-to-heart talks with Biggy's always nicey nice nice!

Anyways, some birthday dedications here...

20th Jan

Harish!!! Yet another Gujrati friend of mine, who has been there for me.. whether in Singapore or when he's in Australia, I know he's just there. And it's been nice knowing you for a few years now... cheers to more! =)

21st Jan

Zahirah Khan!!! My Paki sista!!!! She's like, THE best kaki I can have! One of the few girl friends I totally LOVE being with.. real whacko, total fun! Our Paki Princess has turned 18!! Woohoo~!

26th Jan

Prashant!!! OMG the first Mass Comm mate (non-AI, that is! first being Li Yan, of course!) I knew even before school started!!! We got along SO well that we ended up talking for hours the first time we talked on the phone. I recognised Prashant as the guy who was from NPS for a while and then he went missing.. and I saw him again at the SRJC Debates when I was in Sec 3... had a lil confusion there thanks to RANI (remember Nats?) but it's all good now. Hahaha!

26th Jan

Yea yea I know you're waiting for this! Nats aka PADTUMAMY!!!!!!!! We go wayyyy back since sec 3 days.. or rather, the "Eddie days" (oh shut up!)... got to know you thanks to debate... makes me wonder sometimes, where were you back in our lower sec days!?!?! BUT! I'm DAMN glad that debate brought us together and since then, it's been all good! You have covered up for me, been there for me like, countless of times!! And what can I say man... the only thing I can remember about sec school is our Sec 4 English lessons with Miss Zuraida! Of all people, she made you sit near my place!! BIG mistake! Hahaha. But hey! She's my best friend now! =) No more whatever-ing! Hahahahaha! From BK to i-dunno-where... B2W is incomplete without you dude. And, from the bottom of my heart, I love you.

27th Jan

Hohoho!!! My partner-in-crime, my counselor, my love, my everything... BIGGY!!!!!!!! Biggy's turning 22 and gawd! Time really flies!!! No one can irritate me the way you do... sometimes, you remind me of G... and maybe thats why I love you more. You have been the best friend, you read my mind so easily that it scares me sometimes (and you know why.. HAHA!)... I feel like wringing your neck so badly sometimes, but otherwise, it's all hugz n lovez from me! I love the fact that we meet up more these days (yes yes ever since I realised that NUS is in Clementi as well) and there's nothing I can hide from you. You are like the brother I never had. The love I feel so appreciative of. You have no idea how much you mean to me man... and hopefully, someday, I'll see you in Australia as well.. =) I love you and you know that hunny!
*************************************************************

Oh oh!! And did I mention!!! There's this eye candy in NP... he's in Mass Comm, 2nd year it seems. I saw him yesterday in The Atrium, today in the lift... seriously an eye candy! Ohhh the nose!!!~

Talking about candy... I was at Vivo yesterday with Benson Hohoho! We were there for a job interview, supposedly... Sigh. Forget it, I'll just stick to relief teaching. My lil dollar signs, say good afternoon, Miss Shariffa!!!! =)

Oh, candy yes yes... We "invaded" Candy Empire.. I tell you.. the chocs there can drive me crazy! It's like a bloody Choc Haven! GAWD!!! I picked out all the pralines.. yumyum!! Plus, Arnott's choc chip cookies... hmmm.. not too bad, but I prefer Famous Amos'.

Tomorrow, gotta meet Lav at noon for Speech Comm... can we not meet in school please please pleaseeeee? Sunday... oh man SUNDAY!!!! It's THE day man!!!! Gonna hang out with Sharifah at Bugis and then meet up with Mum.. for the highlight of the day... Salaam-e-ishq!!! OMG! I've been counting down, every single day to this!!!!

I've given up counting down to when my Aunty will arrive from India... she's supposed to arrive this week latest by India's immigration is so screwed up. Maybe next week. Or the week after. Or even later! Argh!

Bolly Nite! Bolly Nite!! Watch us sashay on the runway!!! Woooohoooo~!!!!

Alright. Gotta go... SOMEONE'S bugging me now! Boo!

bursting with excitement, excitement and more excitement!

2007-01-25T00:09:00.000+08:00

GUESS WHAT!!!

After a WHOLE stretch of sway-ness over the past few days, finally something good came up!!!

I love the brother's girlfriend, Raudah Khan!!!!!!!!!!!!! Like, TOTALLY!!!

There's this Bollywood Nite going on next Sat.. so most likely, the mother the brother and I will be going. But that's not all! Apart from the music, dance, food and desi hunks (oops!), there's gonna be a fashion show.. and GUESS WHAT!!! We're gonna be a part of it!!!! Raudah, Mumtaz and Shariffa are gonna rock the show! Woohoooooo~!!!! We're gonna wear costumes provided by some boutique or bridal house. Yay!! Pretty pretty costumes!!! Nicey nicey makeup!!!

Wooohooooooooooooooo~!!!!! I'm so excited!!!!!! =) =) =)

Gonna boogie the night away!!!

Oh! And she just told me, that we'll get some prize money if we win or something.. so it's like a "competitive fashion show". The brother was just telling me,"You better win her. Part of the money should go to me ok, 'cos if I never got attached to her, you wouldn't know about this".

...

I need this so badly! Time to shape up! =)

Writt Comm has to be completed by next Friday!!! Cheak, let's jiayou!!!! Wooooooooooohooooooooooooo~!!!!!

(yet another motivation to speed things up a lil. work on it, Shariffa! almost there!)

final blow

2007-01-23T21:11:00.000+08:00

Until today, I've never hated anyone 'cos I believe no one is worthy of such hatred. BUT DAMN! Guess what! Ashley (the "white" one person u see in Mass Comm) made it to the list!!! Thanks to her, I hear, I've got a "reputation" now!

I have seriously reached breaking point. I can't take this Mass Comm shit anymore. I swear I can't. I want to get out of Mass Comm now and now itself!!!

Ashley marked me down for peer evaluation DESPITE the fact that I was THERE beside her for EVERY single session (minus one, 'cos I was on MC) and YET she marked ME down for peer evaluation, claiming that "the timing just clashed". Uhhh...? SHE took control over the mouse EVERYTIME and when I give her suggestions,"Hey! this SFX sounds okay!" she says,"huh! NO!"... everything HAD to be done HER way but guess what! "Shariffa didn't put in enough effort!" BRAVO LA! GOOD GAME PLAYED MAN!

Good enough I put up with her super bossy and nauseating attitude for EVERY SINGLE SESSION! She couldn't even justify why exactly she marked me down! WHAT THE HELL??? Talk with sense la please! Ur in MASS COMM! The media shuns hollow heads! So, time to wake up, you whited-faced ghostly figure!

I never liked her from the beginning, but I wasn't THAT irresponsible as to ignore that whole assignment 'cos I realised that in poly, there comes a time when you have to work with the biggest bitch/bastard! So? Endure la! And I thought I should feel proud of myself of having endured the "Ashley days".

Good luck to anyone who's gonna work with her in the near future. Be careful, 'cos she might just garland you with that "reputation".

BUT! Instead of being a sore loser who chooses the easiest way out and quit Mass Comm, I have decided to be bloody effective for EVERY SINGLE GROUP WORK now on. I think I've been working fine with the current and past ones, but you see, people like ASHLEY makes them all total up to a zero again. But I hardly care. I'll prove that I AM NOT IRRESPONSIBLE (I think my groupmates can vouch for this?) and that I AM WAY CAPABLE THAN SHE IS!

HER own classmates told me "Good luck" when I asked the how it's like working with her (i didn't know her that much then).

Thanks Ashley, for giving me this crazy drive to succeed in Mass Comm now, even though I never liked being in Mass Comm. Thanks, bitch.

****************************************************

I feel a lot better now. Really. Lav, thanks for hearing me rant this afternoon over lunch. Jorge, thanks for being there too. Most of all, Mohsen... be it online or in school, you've been there for me every single time and I can't thank you enough... thanks for pulling me up again and making me understand that it's the people who care for me who I should be glad about. And that bastards and bitches are all around. I keep forgetting that, thinking everyone is as nice as they seem. Someone please remind me next time, okay?

"Bastardsandbitchesareallaroundbastardsandbitchesareallaroundbastardsandbitchesareallaround"

Why is the world so fake? Who's original? Raise your hands up please!

Miss Upset speaks

2007-01-21T00:27:00.000+08:00

I broke down today 'cos I was disappointed. Like, seriously.

...

Just a while more. I know I can do this. I've done my part. I fucking did my part.

Signing off,
Miss UPSET!

Update:

I found something to cheer myself up...

Heh.. his face occupies almost his entire face. Okay, not true. But I think he looks so cute here, it cracks me up. My favourite man, after the Dad. The 2 most protective men I have in my life. The following ones are like Wuzz, Rav, yadayada...the childhood mates, the cousins... but my favourite one is still the brother. Of course, if there's the favourite men, then surely there's the favourite women too! The mother, the countless childhood gfs I have.. I don't quite like the cousins though. Apart from my dearest one turning-11 year old... Damn... she's growing fast... I miss her so...

I am not gonna do any work today. I've done what I had to do. Radio Production Script, Writt Comm research, Contemp Issues' Podcast (just gotta put it up). Maybe will revise Speech Comm a lil, here and there and I'm done. I'm so not touching the computer, otherwise. It's an evil, evil thing 'cos it reminds me of my assignments all the time. Urghhh!!

press on, mates!!!

2007-01-20T02:25:00.000+08:00

Geez... I just realised how much I've been ranting the past few days!

Sigh. Don't mind me. Just that I feel frustrated. I'm still doing the Radio Production Script, working on the Ps for Writt Comm and thinking about Speech Comm. All 3 in one night is just crazy... I just sent reminders... I hope Writt Comm (not the whole essay, of course. just the remaining Ps) and Radio can be done by today, hopefully. Then I have Sunday to work on Contemp Issues which shouldn't take too long. And work on the speech... topic selected already! I hope everything turns out smoothly.

I don't wanna push anything til the very last minute. I mean, I hope you guys understand why I'm "rushing" to complete. Of course, we HAVE to do well too! We all want a longer break, don't we? =)

I feel so geared up to do everything at one go today. 24 hours, 3 hours has passed... which leaves me with 21 hours. Yes, should be enough. (I must be crazy!)

Final lap!! We can do this!!! =)

the wise and the angry!

2007-01-20T01:17:00.000+08:00

I was reading someone's blog and I got emotional. Let's just say that 2 of my exs (Haniff n Immy) are "related" to her. She's a really, really nice person and if you look through her Friendster profile, you can't help but to envy the perfect life that she has! Seriously. Then, I read her blog and realised how real her life really is.. She never had the love of her father ('cos he left her mum and her for another).. she wish she did.. her wedding reception is taking place really soon and her dad said he won't be attending it...

I know people who never got the chance to know their parents better 'cos they built this barrier against them, people whose parents passed away while they're young and the rest who never got the love of their parents for other reasons.

It makes me appreciate my parents even more. I have their blessings in everything that I do, support in every decision I make and most of all, I have their love.

But don't be mistaken. We have our ups and downs too.

Just few days ago, there was this IndoPak "cold war" going on over at my place. It didn't bother me at first, but eventually, I got really disturbed. Thankfully, today, they decided that it was enough and we're back to the usual happy, crazy family.

My family is my everything. I can't imagine a life without Mummy, Abah or Nezakat (the brother). I tried thinking how life would turn out without either, and ended up crying each time. Just the thought of it hurts me so much.

Exactly one year ago, my family went through something we thought we'd never face at all. I'll never forget that day... and I guess, after that whole incident, my family became even closer. We stood by each other during that period of time..

I remember I was at work (Taka) then and when I heard the news, I couldn't take it... I cried and cried... I didn't wanna go home. I wanted to pack my bags and stay at the Aunt's until I cooled down.

Yes, I am like that. When I'm really pissed off, I prefer to be left alone, weigh my thoughts and consequences and then execute the necessary actions. 'cos in the pique of anger, people say anything. People don't think when they are angry... they just blurt every damn thing out and after a while they realise,"Oh shit.. I shouldn't have said that. It must have hurt".

So, for the first time in my life, I felt like I had no one to turn to. I called the cuzz Fareed and told him.. he was as stunned as I was. But I knew it wasn't wise calling him 'cos we're both similar.. in fact, almost alike.. we're both pretty hot-tempered, rash, stubborn, we're-always-right kinda attitude. Heh. He supported me of course, but I felt that someone I love so much so that I'd give my life up for her, needed me more. Why run away from the issue when the people in the house were facing it so bravely? I had to be there for them at least, if not for myself.

I called Nats and he (along with Ganesh and Wee Siong) rushed over to my workplace. I tried controlling my tears but it didn't work. I cried and cried and cried (to the extent that I told my supervisor that I really couldn't take it). It was a horrible feeling.

I guess, it was a test from God.. He wanted to show me that these sort of things can happen to anyone, anytime. I was too confident about my family's "perfection" and took that for granted. Perhaps, this was His way of showing me how fragile even the strongest of all relationships can be. And I thank Him for that lesson 'cos ever since then, I have matured a lot. My family ties became more solid ever since then...

No one leads a perfect life, after all. Then again, "perfect" itslef is subjective. I may define perfect as having quite a bit of family time, going overseas with them, away from the hustle and bustle of the citylife. Someone else may define perfect as having a mother and a father.

My family = mother father brother. The relatives, cousins, yadayada aren't included 'cos they were never there. Both the India and Paki side. Ironically, I grew up with the Pakistani side. And look how reality slapped me hard?

"Wake up, Sarah! They are bloody hypocrites! The whole lot of them! You go over to their place for Eid and they ignore you! What for! Why show respect to people who make you invincible?! Do they even deserve that?! You go there, you go home, you hear another story! They say things about you, your brother, your mother! Why the hell would you respect such people?! They emphasise so much on blood being thicker than water but they contradict themselves totally! C'mon!! They won't even spare a 10 year old, let alone a 17 year old!"

Basket. I hate them. They care about their freaking white faces and nothing else. Face = everything. We've always been outsiders. I don't effing care anymore.

I may be Pakistani by race, Paki-Hindi by blood but I'm pure Hindustani by heart and soul.

(how did the entry end up this way again? =/)

rawrrrr!!! sigh

2007-01-18T23:37:00.000+08:00

I am gonna knock out in a while. Just thought I'd rant a lil on here.

Well well. As if it isn't enough that my brain is almost drained out, GUESS WHAT! My Writt Comm groupmate has, apparently, withdrawn from Mass Comm! *thumbs up!* What a timing! Just when Cheak and I were planning to...... heh heh heh *eViL gRiNz*

I HATE going to school at 3pm and here's why. I leave home at 1.30pm and wait for the feeder bus near my place. The Chung Cheng High (Yishun branch) kids annoy the hell out of me!! Firstly, they occupy almost the whole bus by the time it reaches my place, and THEN they act like MONKEYS on the bus! SO ANNOYING!!! As if that isn't BAD enough, the Northland Primary School kids and I have to squeeeeeeeeze to board the bus. And gawd!! Their bags are so huge, it's as if they carry 101 dictionaries in their bags!! Poor, innocent kids, I know but at least spare me!! One girl actually stood behind me (she was on the steps and so was I) and kept tapping her waller against the EZ-link card reader. Please laaaa! Tap once is enough what!! Die die must tap 10 times before alighting at the next stop. Grrrr!!!! Worst part is, these students stink the whole bus!!!! Ewwwwww!! The typical smell you get after running around for half an hour and then going back to class to study and pack the bags, head for the bus stop as quick as possible so as to pollute the entire bendy bus!!! RAWRRR!!!

So, today's the first day for the open house. I saw the NP Netball booth and asked about the training days and timings. I'm definitely interested!! I can't take it anymore. I can't stand this typical no-lifer phase!!! I called mum to inform her and guess what! We quarreled! FINALLY!!! After so long la! I think the last was... many, many, MANY months ago.. about hockey. Bah!

I don't care. I insist on joining a CCA (NOT hockey though. I must be crazy). What's the point of returning home early each time, only to find that the mother's out to work, the brother's hogging on the phone with his girlfriend and the father asleep, tired after working for the whole day. And I'm left to entertain myself. Of course, there's Waseem around now but once he flies off to the UK, I'm left alone again. I hate that feeling. It's worse when Dad's not in Singapore. And, Dad's leaving for offshore again in April/May/June this year. Damn. Good news is, the car shall be fully utilised by the mother and I (if we succeed in getting our license quickkk). Bad news is, Sarah is left alone AGAIN. Besides, the brother will be schooling then too... he'll be too busy to disturb me =( unless, of course, my worst nightmare turn to reality and he gets a place in NP!!!! AAAAHHHHH!!!! NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Edward said that he has a "lobang" for tutors... should I take it up? Hmm... just give it a shot lah.

I miss netball too much.. I grew up with the sport.. I miss those days when we'd "fly" in the air.. I miss that excitement.. I miss my "toned legs days"... I miss "hopping" on the overhead bridge's steps... I miss that super nerve-wrecking feeling before every match... now I'm starting to miss debate too... SIGHHH! =(

Mummyyyyyyyyyyy pleeeeeaaaaassssssssssseeeeeeee!!! (oh, we've made up already =) )

yay! ouch! ohhh!~~

2007-01-17T18:51:00.000+08:00

Aaaaaaaaaahhh!! My Aunty's coming down tomorrow! Tomorrow!! YAY!!!

Damn, I wish I could see her tomorrow itself... But oh well~ She'll be reaching here when I've got Speech Comm.. =/ The mother and the brother aren't free also.. so we're going on Saturday. Family day (minus the Dad. urgh. I can't stand the IndoPak "cold war" going on)!! Oh well~ Heck that. At least I've got something to look forward to this week. What's the first thing I'll say to Aunt Afeera? How do I even communicate with her? =/

And and andddd!!! I'm so pissed off!!!

Mum and I were walking under the void deck and suddely, I thought I stepped on something sharp so I quickly took my feet off whatever I was stepping on. When I turned back, I saw this HUGE piece of broken glass bottle.. and a small boy was kicking it all over. HMMM! But I thought I reacted fast enough. When I reached home, GUESS WHAT! I saw my feet bleeding! Basket!!!!!! Just a small cut though... imagine if the glass pierced through my feet!! Ouchhhhhhhhhh!

Oh, and a joke from home...

Me: Bro! You have PhD.. Poly Halfway Dropout. Mum has a PhD as well. Pakistani Housewife Degree. Appa (paternal gramma) has a PhD as well! Pakistani Hypocritical Daughters (referring to the Aunts)!

Bro: You have one too, don't worry okay.

Me: What's mine?

Bro: Permanent Head Damage.

Dohhhh. Why did I even ask =/

Oh oh! It's Nadeem's birthday in a few hours tim! So just a short dedication post for the dear friend!

I think our friendship started off pretty weirdly 'cos his ex girlfriend and I could NEVER get along. She's f*cking rich, but double snobbish, arrogant, everything in one. My brother never liked Nadeem and I never liked Nadz's ex but strangely enough, Nadz and I became as close as his ex and my bro were.

Nadz teaches me Hindi/Urdu, been there whenever I needed to cry badly and made me understand when I go wrong or praise me when I make wise decisions in dealing with problems. This good looking mate is blessed with green eyes (like, w-o-a-h!).. one of the very, very few Hindustanis whom I know who have green eyes. Wait, make that the only one, actually.

Just last Monday he said he saw someone who looks exactly like me at Geylang in the Guardian Pharmacy uniform. Whatttt theeeee helllllll! My cousin works at Guardian, but not the one at Geylang! And we don't even look alike! Geez. This is creepy man. I've been hearing about my lookalikes around.. have I become a common face? Nooooo wayyyyy!

Do you guys believe in the 7 lookalikes thingy? Seems that in this world, there are 6 other people who look like you. Hmm.. I've heard of 2 of my lookalikes here in Singapore. So, let's say one is in Bollywood, the other one is in Puerto Rico, another in UK (Waseem said there's a Desi UK girl who looks like me), then perhaps the last one in a far flung village in a corner of this world. Hmmmm... interesting~

random reminiscence

2007-01-16T22:52:00.000+08:00

I was asked to send a family portrait to my groupmate if I had any. I searched and found this one.. which made me tear.. it's been about 3 years now.. how different our ties were back then and now.. I was 15 then, young and ignorant but still happy 'cos I had it all.

The cousins.. Farida, Farrah, the small girl, Fareed, the brother and me. The Pupphi (with whom I had a big tiff with a year ago) and my dearest Dad... notice how huge my Dad's and Bro's noses are! Bro is a carboncopy of Dad many years ago.. =)

The India side.. that was taken when I was 15 too, by the way. I think I looked damn matured. But special thanks to Aishah the cuzz for the makeup! =)

Aight. I'm off now.. to plan my week.. *sigh*

Nitesss!~

The good, the bad, the sole fact

2007-01-16T19:44:00.000+08:00

My Aunty is coming down from India this Thursday or Friday. Yay! Mum hasn't seen her for the last 36 years.. that's long isn't it? I don't know what I'd do without my brother beside me for 36 hours even!

I'd like to think that everything will be ok.
I'd like to think that I'm strong; I've endured the worst, this one is nothing.
I'd like to join in this facade.

Home is where my Heaven lies =)

no one knows what the future holds. be happy with the present.

2007-01-15T17:52:00.000+08:00

I feel so bloody shagged. Slept at about 2am last night thanks to the Star Screen Awards... Lage Raho Munnabhai triumphed!! Hoooweee~! Surprisingly, Bips and Kajol lost to Kareena Kapoor int he Best Actress Category. Oh well.. Bebo's performance in Omkara (Hindi version of Shakespearean play "Othello") was pretty good. *thumbs up!*

The initial plan was to head back home right after school but nooooo. I had to hang out with Waseem. URGH! Oh and we've made a fantastic plan! *wInKz*Fitness, here we come!!! *gRiNz*

SO, it's back to relief teaching during the vacations. I drrrread waking up early during the holidays! But it's okay. Gonna give myself the first week off... besides, I have to save up as much as I can before we head for Bangkok, 'cos I wanna shop my ass off there! Weee~! (that's excluding how much Dad will be giving me. So, MORE shopping!!!!!!) In the meanwhile, I have to start calling the schools up. Geez. So many of my AI mates are planning to do relief as well. As long as they don't disturb the schools I'm so comfortable with, I'm fine. =)

Parvin and I have made up. He surprised me bigtime!! I mean, he's turning 25 this year. We got to know each other through my "NP stalker" but ever since the "stalker" and I stopped talking, I figured, it was best that I cut connection with Parvin as well 'cos it would be so awkward. Surprisingly, with the maturity of a turning-25 year old, he made me understand that I shouldn't have done that 'cos that's not the right way of dealing with things and he was right. Geez. Some 25 year olds really amaze me! *double thumbs up for Parvin!* =)

Oh, back to the day out with Waseem. We thought of hitting the beach but nah.. you never know when it will start raining. So, we played pool!!!! YAY! I looooove pool now! =) Thanks to the coach Mama Pool King, Raj! Muahahaha! But of course, Waseem won me i-don't-know-how-many times.. =( It's not that I'm lousy.. it's just that I'm good, but he's better. Grrr.

On the way back home, it started raining catsdogsmonkeysgorillaschimpanzeesandwhateverelse. Due to the fact that we are such smartasses who think that bringing umbrellas when we're out seems so tedious, we got caught in the rain. So.. by the time we reached home, the mother was like, "See! Both so stubborn. Told yall to bring an umbrella but noooo"

Sigh. Such fun we had, even in the rain.. A pity Waseem's returning to the UK in March.. ='(

When he's here, I feel like nothing in the world can affect me. Absolutely nothing can make me upset. He will never allow that to happen at all =) The best part is, the childhood mate understands me so well that I don't have to say anything and he'll know what I wanna say. It's that kind of "connection" you often get with your best friends or ex/boyfriends.

I feel so lucky sometimes, 'cos I've been blessed with such wonderful people who always keep a lookout for me, making sure that I don't fall flat on my face (or my nose will break!)... if they don't define love, then I don't know what does. *awwwwww*

Oh yeah, talking about nose... sensitive issue but Xiaxue's "thing" for the nose job tickles me so much! Why so? Well, face it. If you don't have nice features then so be it. Shouldn't people be glad with the way they look? I'm totally anti-plastic surgery. Oriental chicks hardly have sharp noses. If you weren't given that much-desired nose, then be happy with what you have. At least you weren't born nose-less or something.

Of course, sharp features always mean a plus point. Why, Bolly's so hot! =P

And if there's anything that I love so much about myself, it's THE NOSE!!! ;)

Aight it's getting boring. Ciao! =)

a need for a new start

2007-01-15T00:12:00.000+08:00

New skin! YAY. It took me a while to do up the pixxies nicely. =/ I am planning to shut this blog down for a while and have a new one (the add remains though!). Reason being, I don't wish to rely on Friendster blog anymore 'cos I think the Friendster alerts are rather annoying no? Besides, the new blog will be shown to more peepz, so naturally, it will be less personal. Too much info on my personal life ain't cool. I'm gonna be selfish now, so only the loved ones will get a share of my personal life.

There is no tagboard here currently due to some complications =/ but fret not! You may leave comments if you wish, though!

I am soooo excited! The 13th Annual Screen Awards is on now!! *all smiles*

Oh, and I found the song lyrics for Apna Sapna Money Money's "Paisa Paisa" so hilarious! Typical materialistic lines...

If you want my love, sure enough, tumhe miljaayega
(If you want my love, sure enough, you'll get it)
If you pay my bill, mera yeh dil, tera ho jaayega!
(If you pay my bill, this heart of mine will be yours)

Hahahahaha. The entire song is quite funny but I can only remember these 2 lines for now. Back to the Awards function! =)

(I hate award functions when my favourite stars don't turn up!)

Update: Shariffa Parvez has had yet another offer from Mediacorp Singapore. Hmmmm... to disappoint Vineet yet again, or to make this bold move?

back and high tired

2007-01-13T23:00:00.000+08:00

Yoohoooo~! I'm back (not for long though)! Reason being, the deadlines are getting closer and I thought Week 15 was still far off. What the hell! Buck up, Sarah! Just a lil bit more!

The whole week my brain was down. Like, totally worn out. I completed Writt Comm beforehand, but the references alone killed me (and I thought I was already done!). Luckily, everything ended soon enough and I had just a teen weeny bit of time left to complete my work. It didn't help that I upchucked (as how Shaariq would say it!) last Tuesday morning and felt sick again. Urgh. Had to skip radio, as a result. Spent Tuesday and Wednesday at home, working on assignments and preparing for SocPsych test, which was a sheer waste of time if I knew they were providing us with helping words. Urghhhh!!!!!!

I'm glad this week is over but the next 2 weeks will be even more tiring, I bet. Let's see...

- Radio (final!!)
- Speech Quiz, Oral, final speech
- Writt Comm's Proposal Essay
- SocPsych's AT2 (and then we're done!!)
- IAC (waste of time, if u ask me. hurr)

There you go. I have a feeling it's Writt Comm that will take up most of the time. Maybe Radio as well, I don't know. Whatever it is, I plan to settle everything before the 27th. Nothing and I mean nothing should hinder my Salaam-e-Ishq's opening! =)

Oh, guess who are back on Friendster?? Immy and his girlfriend. And guess who sent me a message? Immy's girlfriend. Guess what was said? Questions which took me by surprise. Nice to know that people have conscience. She's not as bimbotic as I thought she was, after all. =) As for Immy... wellwell..

Hmm.. I slept at about 3+am this morning and woke up at about 1.30pm. Then, did the usual and settled in front of the tv... lay on the couch and I was gone, again... I woke up at about 7pm... geez... I feel so recharged now!! But, as a result, I didn't manage to talk to mummy until she called me.. =(

I miss Mummy... =(

Oh, my Aunty from India is coming down only later this month (don't clash with Salaam-e-Ishq pleassssssse please please). And I won't be in Singapore for a few days in March.. most likely late March... once my bday passes, driving centre, here comes Mummy and me!! I hope Dad isn't kidding about getting the Honda sports..!

And I have to say that Indian advertisers are like, THE best! Their ads can put local (and even abroad) advertisers to shame! Check this one out..! I saw this on Sony Tv but someone kindly put it up on Yahoo! Cracks me up everytime I see it!

Hahaha hilarious!!!! But only if you know the Indian culture... well, when the husband pass away, the wife must wipe off the sinndoor (better known as the "dot") off her forehead since she's supposed to use it in her husband's name.

Aight let some random pictures (not of myself, don't worry) do the talking now..

My favourites! How can I leave home without having any of them on me! Let me introduce to you guys...

The "make my skin smell so nice" items from The Body Shop.

The "smell so good on hair" items

Hugo Intense.. one of my favourites still!

Before there was Red Delicious...

This completes me.. =)

Red Delicious... sensual~

My very first nail polish, given by Cheak! I've never manicured my nails before, reason being... I'm not daring enough.. I think my complexion isn't fair enough and I think it looks good on fair people... once I'm more "confident", I'll use it, for sure =)

Aight that's all for now... =)

when they say that happy moments are momentary, they must be lying

2007-01-07T17:05:00.000+08:00

Yayyyyy! It's been nothing but good news and more good news today! *flashes brilliant smile*

Well, one of my 5 aunties in India is coming down to Singapore!! Weeeeeeee~! And goodness, believe this or not, but she had about 16 children but 2 died at birth. All 14 are pretty grown up now though. I so wanna see the rest of my aunts as well. But we'll prolly have communication considering the fact that I can't understand their Urdu. It's so different from the dialect my dad's side speaks (which im more familiar with). Well, as long as I get to see them once in my life, I'm happy enough.. =)

I haven't seen the UK cousins in person either. All I know is that they are hot. Hot. and hot. As for the US ones, a few of them came down before. The latest one being my distant Uncle.. one of the top buggers in the Grand Hyatt management.. they had some kinda board meeting last 2 months (i think?) here so he dropped by to visit (I never knew he existed. Otherwise, I could have asked for discounts or even FOC lunch/dinner buffets everytime I go there!!) Besides, *ahem* Bollywood stars put up at Grand Hyatt all the time, in almost every country, everytime they come for an award function or shooting.

Come to think of it, I do have a huge family. Just that we're all so scattered... As far as I know, I've got relatives in India (duh), Pakistan (DUH), Singapore (DUHHHH), UK, US, Australia, Canada. Plus one bunch of the distant Paki relatives in Malacca, I think? How come there's so few of us here? =/

How come the desis here are so not good looking??? Nothing compared to the ones overseas!! I mean, look at my bro and look at Wuzz!! Both are good looking but Wuzz has that gonna-make-you-drool kinda effect on both girls and guys. Hahaha!

And and anddd... when I was about to take a nap, I had a surprise!! =) These kinda surprises I likeeee.. =)

Okay! Enough for today! Ciao!~

biggy makes me smile so bright, i can shine through the darkest storms

2007-01-07T14:52:00.000+08:00

I had this super funny conversation with Biggy earlier.

Saad says: (2:54:57 PM)
i hope
Saad says: (2:55:04 PM)
its the right guy this time round :P
Saad says: (2:55:05 PM)
and now just someone
Saad says: (2:55:11 PM)
u'll take up for 3 months :P
«Shariffa Parvez» i've got feeeeeeever! :'( says: (2:55:31 PM)
if it even pass that mark, i'll throw a grand celebration
«Shariffa Parvez» i've got feeeeeeever! :'( says: (2:55:36 PM)
*passes
«Shariffa Parvez» i've got feeeeeeever! :'( says: (2:56:16 PM)
if it hits one year, i gotta publish it in the papers.. HEADLINES!! hahaha
Saad says: (2:57:01 PM)
:|
Saad says: (2:57:04 PM)
i'll prolly
Saad says: (2:57:08 PM)
give u a pwesent :P
Saad says: (2:57:10 PM)
if u pass
Saad says: (2:57:12 PM)
that mark :P
«Shariffa Parvez» i've got feeeeeeever! :'( says: (2:58:09 PM)
you gotta book an appointment wimme for tat, cos i think the rest of the world will be waiting to congratulate me for hitting 1st year anni :| (just how sad is that!)
Saad says: (2:58:58 PM)
u sure
Saad says: (2:59:01 PM)
u r gonna make me
Saad says: (2:59:08 PM)
take an appointment :|
«Shariffa Parvez» i've got feeeeeeever! :'( says: (3:00:17 PM)
i might need a secretary for that one day, but just leave ur name as Biggy and i'll pick the fone up n go,"ok my present now please!!"
Saad says: (3:01:46 PM)
i'll call u up
Saad says: (3:01:46 PM)
on ur damn cell
Saad says: (3:01:46 PM)
and i'll bang
Saad says: (3:01:47 PM)
ur head
Saad says: (3:01:50 PM)
onto the wall :P
«Shariffa Parvez» i've got feeeeeeever! :'( says: (3:02:14 PM)
i know ur jealous of my huge brain cells but don't go to that extent please
Saad says: (3:03:20 PM)
yeh they're huge :P
Saad says: (3:03:24 PM)
thats why unusable :P
«Shariffa Parvez» i've got feeeeeeever! :'( says: (3:03:45 PM)
hahahahaha! nah, just a matter of whether they choose to function or not

Hahaha what the hell?? Anyways, he was right about the whole deal (minus the brain cells part). IF I EVER hit a year, the whole world should celebrate along with me (hey I did hit a year before)! Otherwizzzzze... like what Yus said,"Ur the first girl I've met who's totally disinterested in this"... uhuh! Right on!

Shariffa likes the way her life is moving 'cos her loved ones (family, close friends, friends) turn her frowns to smiles. =) =) =)

Oh, and did I mention, I'm feeling a hell lot better now?? I'm as fit as a fiddle! Not really, but just a lot better. I skipped the ex-NPS outing to Vivo... next time, guys! =)

Shariffa signing off with lotsa love...

Mwahhhhh!*

thank you all ever so much...

2007-01-06T17:25:00.000+08:00

Last night, just when I was about to go to bed, I had this strong urge to puke again. And there you go... I felt like the merlion!! It was a horrible, horrible feeling... Almost passed out there and then...

The mother spent the night nursing me... even slept beside me... awwwwwww~~! I was so darn touched... Bro and I get really,really pampered whenever we fall sick.

This morning, when I woke up, my head was still spinning like crazy.. I found it so hard to get up from bed and head to the bathroom. And when I did, I passed out in the hall.

It has never been this bad man... The mother selawat thrice and made me drink the cup of water when I revived. The method was taught by an imam, apparently.

I went back to sleep and woke up, feeling soooo much better!! In fact, now I feel so good that I think I can go Vivo with the ex-NPS gang tomorrow! Yay!!!! But I still can't eat yet, cos whatever I eat suddenly taste like crap... got I've got this bitter thingy going on down in my throat... ewwww... I can't taste now =/

The aunty was so sweet, she called to ask if I was fine 'cos she had a bad feeling about me and that I must have be having a problem with someone. She has this knack of knowing what is wrong with her loved ones.. my brother proved her right time and again when he had problems last year. She said,"Please, you deserve better friends than that. Besides, you already have so many. A real friend will never behave the way she did to you".

The aunt, the mother, the brother.. all said the same thing. "Stay away from her". Hmm.. they must be right. And they all said one other thing, which made me think further..

It's amazing how my loved ones can feel the exact way I feel. Why, I love them so much! =)

I thank God that He made my fever go away.. =)

puuuuuukes hard

2007-01-05T22:23:00.000+08:00

Just my luck. Even posting a new entry seems so... weird. Suddenly, everything's gone!

Anyways, yes yes I've decided to take the post down after much thought (and may I say, request??). Reason being, I'm tired of asking around. Tired of looking and you wondering,"What went wrong with us?" It's a fugly situation. I've been wanting us to talk for WEEKS now. Mind you, WEEKS. You can't even last after 1 day?? You wanna tell me your side of the story and I should just nod my head and go? What am I, a dummy? How conveniently you said you didn't wanna talk to me after that when I was finding ways to mend the damn friendship! I was downright STUPID, if I may say.

And haven't anyone told you that insisting that I talk to you there and then seems kinda rude??? You want it your way? I have to listen to you 'cos you really couldn't stand it. And what? I must be a stronger person than you are then, 'cos I've been tolerating everything for WEEKS now. You could hardly last a day! I wanted to give it all some time but noooo.. she HAD to force me to stay n thrash it out with her, regardless of whether I'm sick like crap or almost got a foot in my grave. (Ohhhh wait lemme guess... how would you know right?? Yeah. Okay! My fault. YAY) Can you just, for a lil while, see things from my point of view? I'm tired of asking people what's exactly on your mind and where lies the root of the problem!! Can you just tell me?? I don't wanna lose something without knowing where the problem lies. Seriously.

When you said that you wanna talk, I knew there could only be 2 reasons. Either, sort things out and mend the super-broken friendship (which was highly unlikely since I wasn't keen anymore and neither were you... tell me you were?) or, tell me what you actually said. I REFUSE to listen to you, just like how you REFUSED to clarify with me what the problem was (if there was any, to begin with). If you really knew you were in the right, you'd tell me why you behaved like that. BUT NO. You walked away VERY conveniently. Am I not human? I know life's like that, people enter my life promisingly and then just walk out. Don't I have damn feelings? I enjoy doing all this? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! I DESPISE the way things are now!

You must have felt upset cos you got accused for nothing, but don't I ever feel upset with the silent treatment u gave me? Go and read my previous post CAREFULLY. Didn't I include you guys in my '06 flashback? Didn't I include your "pink card accompanied by a lolly"? (if you even remember).. Wait, why would you care ey? WHO AM I???? You gave me such a harsh punishment for God-knows-what reason. Go on. Really, just go on. You have everyone, so be happy yeah?

*******************************************************

Joke of the day. (thank God for my loved ones!)

Mummy: (sms to bro) Don't get your uniform wet when walking in the rain.

Bro: Instead of saying, "Don't get wet in the rain", Mummy's more concerned about the uniform!
*******************************************************

Rav and Ridhz left Singapore for UK already =(

But, Waseem's still here at my place! YAY! =)

Back from the doc's.. running a high temperature now (39.2 degrees)... oh, why am I not surprised! This happens when you face people who makes you blood boil. And as expected, I puked a hell lot today for skipping 2 days of meals...

Hello, anorexia... we meet again~

Gonna get some sleep now. Ciao..~

day 1, 364 days to go!

2007-01-02T01:37:00.000+08:00

1. Where did you bring in 2006?
Harbourfront. beautiful fireworks, as far as I can remember.

2. What was your status by Valentine's Day?
single. (still lovin' it!)

3. Were you in school (anytime this year)?
yeah. for relief teaching and umm... school?

4. How did you earn your keep?
relief teaching, sales promoter and the warehouse thingy I worked with Moh n co.

5. Did you ever have to go to the hospital?
yeah. Mummy got admitted for a few days. =(

6. Did you ever encounter the police?
nope

7. Where did you go on vacation?
believe or not, I didn't go anywhere. just... didn't feel like following anyone anywhere.

8. What did you purchase that was over $500?
umm... if it cost that much then it doesn't come under my account. so, THANKS Mum and Dad for everything $500 and above! *gRiNz*

9. Did you know anybody who got married?
In Nov '06, Feroz. =)

10. Did you know anybody who passed away?
I doubt so... I can't remember

11. Have you run into anybody you graduated high school with?
Yeah! Like, almost everyday!

12. Did you move anywhere?
Na-uh I love it here!

13. What sporting events did you go to?
none. =/ this is bad.

14. What concerts did you go to?
none. ok this is really bad. no wonder my 2006 sucked!

15. Are you registered to vote?
Na-uh.

17. Where do you live now?
this place I call home. No where else I can be happier other than at home, with the family. =)

18. Describe your birthday?
the family tried their best to make me smile. but it was momentary. cos someone else i know shares the same bday as me. and it hurts to know that every year when I celebrate, they celebrate too. so.. yeah.

19. What's the one thing you thought you would never do, but did in 2006?
work. haha really. and ummm.. meet Harish? (thanks for the lovely testimo dearie!).. and ummm... go poly? HAHA! Yes yes. and ummm... join hockey? uhuh. and umm... tried moving on? yeah. oh AND! seek forgiveness from the Aunt... yea... i never thought i'd do that but hey! im glad i did.. =)

20. What is one thing you regretted this year?
I regret trying to move on. Bad attempt and ended up hurting another. But well, life goes on... I like my life right now.

21. What's something you learned?
At the end of the day, friends are just people who I can laugh with. The family means more to me than anybody else. Nothing comes before the family. NOTHING and NOBODY at all. I've started treasuring family time more than anything else this year. And also, I learned that the elderly often are wiser. when they err, they don't say or do anything about it. i don't know why but the peepz older than me are the ones who screwed my year up this time. i could forgive the aunt and seek forgiveness (duhh my Aunt after all so I still love her) but the other? na-uh. forget it, really.

22. Any new additions to your family?
oh, forget it. my cousins are ALL unmarried. We've got 3 generations only. Sad innit? Shall I get married tomorrow? Haha!

23. What was your best month?
Usually, it's March.. since my bday falls near the end of March, I get to countdown for the whole of March and *ahem* drop hints! Haha! But this year... I think June was nice?

24. What, from pop culture, will you remember 2006?
let's talk about Bollywood and I'll tell you what I cannot remember. =)

25. How would you rate this year with a scale from one (horrible) to ten (excellent)?
4.5

*****************************************

My first day of 2006 went pretty nice!! Did a bit of reflection with the trio, the brother and the Mummy and talked our hearts out. I teared a lil here and there cos there were times when I regretted what I did, when I felt I was totally misunderstood and wish I solved matters quicker than they solved themselves. I think, poly life is just screwed up. But I guess I have to make the most outta the 3 years there. And I've dropped the idea of switching course... since I'll be in Year 3 next year and this year's gonna fly real fast. Oooohhh yeahhhh~!!

I've got more solo V-days to spend so I should cherish 'em! Yes, cherish!! Surprisingly, I don't feel miserable.. cos I chose to be this way. And I like it. A lot. I'm in no hurry at all. Let time and tide decide. Who? Where? Why? How? I don't know. Just to the man who's popular with the senoras but seeks out for the one. Just the one who has a way with words as if they were made for him only. The hands I wanna hold, the life I wanna live with, the abundant of love I shall shower him with. I don't know whose or who, but just, the special someone. The day I find the one, I'll let everyone share my joy with me. 'cos that's the day my search comes to an end. The day I know that Immy's a complete loser (provided he's not the one). But don't worry, it won't come anytime soon and I just know it. My aim: Stay single til I get over and done with a friggin' degree! (I know I used to say diploma, but I guess, I'm really not ready at all... so I'm delaying it! If I delay any further, my parents are gonna find me one.. not that I mind, but not so soon).

And yes, they talked about my marriage today. How interesting! I looove all this marriage talks but umm... Dad kinda scared me a bit when he said,"I'll choose your prince" but thank God for cool Mums like mine!

Mum: No way! I won't let her repeat the mistake I made!

Dad: But she's so fickle! She won't know how to choose.

Me: Okay I'll prove you wrong! If I can't, then okay. You guys can find me one. But Hindustani Muslim only please.

Dad: You don't wanna repeat the same mistake ur mum made?

Me: YES!!

ROFL!!! Dear Mummy, you know it's not a mistake. Otherwise, where would your 2 lovely kids come from?? =) And Dad knew I wasn't kidding about the Hindustani part. =)

Seriously, I love marriage talks.

And, FYI if you tried chatting me up on MSN and got weird replies, I'm sorry, but that wasn't me. Wuzzy (Waseem) used my laptop and got so excited that he started chatting my mates up. Grrrrr.

Today's gonna be fun! The parents will be at work, the brother in camp. So that leaves us four at home. No adult supervision. Unless you count Rav, since he's 23 (more like 3 years old mofo).

Oh man. 1st day of school is on Wednesday! IS day. What a day to kickstart the school year with!!

I've not completed the socpsych journal. Argh!! The last assignment left, but soooo hard to get started on it. It's not the assignment, it's just me. And the lovely weather. I'm starting to get too comfortable at home. The parents have never been happier.

Shariffa/Sarah, do something!!

Nites allllll~

(pssst! if you survived this whole post then good on you! cos I was just... rambling about random stuff.)

happy new start!

2007-01-01T02:57:00.000+08:00

I am SO darn excited!!! 2007 is here!!!!

Yet another 12 months ahead of me, but whatever it is, I hope it's all good. I mean, I know there will be ups and downs, lefts and rights but I seriously hope that 2007 will beat 2006 flat! And of course, I hope that my loved ones stay here with me... now and forever... (so cheesy, but I mean it!)

I had a b-l-a-s-t today! Like what mummy said,"Today is your day!" and damn, Mummy was righto! The morning started with the usual Eid visiting to my Nani's and Appa's (paternal gramma). I love Eid cos it's one of those rare times when my relatives and I bond together.. we laugh, we joke, we talk rubbish (it's in the blood)... then again, I'm only talking about the India side. Let's not go to the Paki side. It's the new year.

ANYWAYS! As if sleeping at 5am and waking up at 9am wasn't bad enough, I had to last through the entire day and still force myself to hang out at Marina Bay with the mother (since the brother wanted to go clubbing instead). It was fun allllll the way UNTIL we got stuck in the human jam!!! It was the MOST horrendous one ever, I swear!!! I l-o-v-e crowds but this one was crazy!! Then we met up with the terrific trio (Waseem, Ridz and Rav) at Starbucks... snapped some pixxies outside Raffles City and took the long bus ride back home. It was super, duper nice... and when the clock struck 12 (we were in the bus on the way back already) we exchanged hugs and kisses! Everybody say "awwwww"!!

Oh, and we passed by Fort Canning Park.. I wanted to check it out but Mummy freaked out! Anyone wanna do something crazy with me some time? =)

So, it's the new year and naturally, everyone wants a fresh, new start. This is where I wanna ask people for forgiveness, in case I hurt ur feelings (accidentally or purposely! haha!) or did netin wrong to hurt you guys, I'm truly, truly sorry. It's a new year, a new start. But if YOU do know that I don't wish to have any connections with you, then kindly, kindly, most kindly, stay away. Don't hinder my new start, my new world. 'cos I'm all set and ready to go on yet another changing process. Don't doubt my unpredictability. Everyone knows that Shariffa is everchanging = highly unpredictable = don't bother figuring it out! Hahaha. Yeah yeah whatever.

And along with that, comes my new year resolutions!

1) Get over and done with Year 2 with pleasant grades (like, really pleasant ones)
2) Get the driving license (special thanks to DAD for sponsoring me!)
3) Tryyyy to save more cash... so that I'll have enough to buy a car although Dad has kindly offered to buy me one. (hey, who says I'm pampered???)
4) Keep a low profile as far as possible (ie work, school, home, family, few friends... if I can live with this!)
5) "Psycho" the Dad to allow me to embark on my "mission"
6) Find a proper part-time job (i kinda got one already!! and no, I'm not leaving relief teaching either)
7) Maintain a non-existent love life
8) Regain my Paki-fair complexion
9) Party harder!

Okay, that's quite a lot, but I think there's more... with each year, my self-expectations keep increasing and I better meet 'em or else... I'll feel so miserable that I'll turn anorexic! (shuddup Waseem!)

Oh oh! Guess who's staying over til Tuesday?? *flashes big grin*

YES!! The terrific trio!!! (they haven't stopped bugging me)

Oh and before I leave, lemme just share 3 pixxies (of myself, who else!)...

Goodbye 2006! You haven't been the best of all years, but still, thanks for teaching me some life lessons the other years forgot. I've learned and experienced a whole lot and each time, I came out of every single problem as a stronger person.

My latest hairdo! Courtesy of Ridz!

My current fav pic!!! Shaadi.com, here I come!! Hahahaha! That's my fav line, btw.
"Tere dil mein meri saason ko panaah miljaaye, tere ishq mein meri jaan fanaa ho jaaye"

*ahem* have I got what it takes to model for a bridalhouse? Hmmm. Saheli, call me quick!! Hahahaha *iwishiwish!*

I think I've messaged all the loved ones already and wished u guys but for formality sake...

HAPPY '07!!!!!!!!!!! =)

high on life!

2006-12-30T20:41:00.000+08:00

Chaaha hai tujhko, chaahoonga har dam
I have desired you, I will desire you at every 
Marke bhi dil se yeh pyaar na hoga kam
Even upon death this love from my heart
will not diminish
Teri yaad jo aati hai, mere aansu behte hain
When your memory comes, my tears flow
Apna to milan hoga, pal pal yeh kehte hai
Time after time they say that we will meet
Kya yeh zindagaani hai, bas teri kahaani hai
What is this life of, it is only your story
Bas teri kahaani hai yeh jo zindagaani hai
It is only your story that is this life of mine
Chaaha hai tujhko, chaahoonga har dam
I have desired you, I will desire you at every 
Marke bhi dil se yeh pyaar na hoga kam
Even upon death this love from my heart
will not diminish

Teri voh baatein, voh chaahat ki rasmein
Those words of yours, those actions of love
Jhoothe the vaadein, kya jhoothi thi kasmein
Were those promises and vows lies?
Jaane tamanna kya yeh sach hai, bas itna keh de
Dream lover, is this true, just tell me this much
Toot jaaye na lamha aitbaar ka
So that this moment of trust will not break
De koi sila mere intezaar ka
Give me some requital for my waiting


Chaaha hai tujhko, chaahoongi har dam
I have desired you, I will desire you at every 
Marke bhi dil se yeh pyaar na hoga kam
Even upon death this love from my heart
will not diminish

Teri hoon teri, jo chaahe kasam le le
I am yours, take whatever vows
you want from me
Mujhko hamraahi tu apne gham de de
Give your sorrows to me, my companion
Saari umar hai mujhko dard judaai ka sehna
All my life I have to bear the pain of separation
Raaste mein khoyi hai manzilein meri
In the roads my destinations are lost
Mere saath jaayengi mushkilein meri
With me will come my troubles

Chaaha hai tujhko, chaahoonga har dam
I have desired you, I will desire you at every 
Marke bhi dil se yeh pyaar na hoga kam
Even upon death this love from my
heart will not diminish

Tu saamne hai mere, phir kyoon yeh doori hai
You are in front of me, then why is
there this distance?
Tujhe kaise bataaoon main, haai kya majboori hai
How can I tell you what helplessness
there is
Yeh bhi koi jeena hai, sirf aansu peena hai
Is this a way to live, there is only
to drink tears
Sirf aansu peena hai, yeh bhi koi jeena hai
There is only to drink tears, is
this a way to live
*************************************************
Very, very nice song, accompanied by super emo music.
From the big hit Mann, this movie touched many hearts all over.
Really, one helluva nice movie
worth watching again and again. (since '97/'98! can't remember
exactly which year).

Well, it's the eve of Eid and as usual, the brother and I are going hyper. He
didn't spare me for the whole of today. On top of which, Ong Wee Wee aka
William, messaged me a couple of times, reminding me that I had to wake up
early but I just couldn't get off the bed! Finally woke up at about 12.30pm
and rushed! We met!!! YES!!! After so, so long!!! And we haven't changed a bit.
Still as childish when we're together. Went to the Gift Shop and played with
the teddies there. Haha!! FUN! Oh, the stupid things we do when we're
together!!!

Then he sent me home (how rare is that!!!).. I was so shagged, I slept on
the couch but noooo Dad came back home and started disturbing me..
ARGHHH!!! WHY am I the YOUNGEST!?!?! But guess wat! Bro is running a
high temperature now.. HAHAHAHAHA!!! *thumbs up!* I'm not evil,
just that he irritated me a lot, yall won't believe it! I have serious doubts
about him being 22.

Weeeee~! Eid tomorrow! NYE tommorrow!!! Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~!!!

Party out honeys!!!

So here's me wishing all of you Eid Mubarak and HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! =)

the BIGGY problem

2006-12-28T22:00:00.000+08:00

"Once I get back to Singapore, you're gonna die!"

Major threat from Biggy. And I better run away from him.. The last time round, he scolded me so much, I felt so horrible and just cried! But this time round, I doubt it'll be that bad. He cares, he cares. I know Biggy cares for me... a hell lot, mind you. When Dad wasn't in Singapore and Mum worked more and Bro was hardly around, it was Biggy who'd morning call me and make sure I get up. And who'd make sure that I was fine and dandy everyday? Biggy! He'd disturb the hell outta me, call me almost anything Oxford dictionary offers but at the end of the day, he cares. He listens like the big bro... treats me like the overgrown kiddo... so that explains why i'm his "lil one" and he's the "Biggy"! =)

I was kinda skeptical about telling him whatever that happened, but I did... I can't hide anything from Biggy... and his first reaction was...

"WHAAAAAAAAAAT THEEEEEEEEEEE FFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Die.

But I still love Biggy. =) *huggy wuggy*

change is constant

2006-12-28T00:43:00.000+08:00

"What happened to you! You've changed so much!" said Bahiya and Isa... 2 very, very dear friend of mine, and Bro's as well. =)

Well, I can only know how much I've changed over the year. But 5 years? I think that's a bit too much of change. I don't know, maybe it's just me. I'm everchanging. Maybe I've changed so much that now,I have trouble recognising myself...

1.21am, 28th Dec 2006

After many, many months... Immy and I are talking again... I don't know why but I feel damn happy... like, really happy... and I guess he was right... the distance made us talk a lot more... back to being friends.. (I called him a jerk and yet he replied... I thought he wouldn't bother at all...) He's still the same Immy I knew since 1 and a half years ago... the way he types, the way he sound on the phone... I can't believe he didn't change one bit...

Happy 23rd, Immy! =)

Suddenly, my 2006 feels complete... thanks, Immy.. =)

when dear friends come knocking at the door...

2006-12-27T00:51:00.000+08:00

Goodness. I'm SO darn impressed by Puneet's wisdom (yes! he finally has it now!). Suddenly, he knows so much about me and what I'm looking for! I'm so proud of you yaar! You have done justice to our friendship today! I feel so proud of you!!!!!! Finally, someone shares my sentiments. =)

Today went really nice.. finally, we had our B2W outing! Hoooweee!~ I was the earliest, surprisingly! Raj, 2nd!!! OMG. That's news, aight. Nats got caught somewhere... Woodlands was flooded... because... Nats went swimming.

So we spent quite a bit of time talking n talking away in BK (like what we did one year ago! damn, i miss!).. Azmi joined us too.. headed for pool at Orchid Country Club (OCC). Started off with the Mama Pool King (Raj)'s winning streak, but Azmi overtook soon after. And *ahem* guess who shone today? Yes, yes Bombay Princess did! The match Pakis v/s locals was really unforgettable... the Pakis triumphed! Woohoo!~ I shot the final black ball in too.. weeeeeee~! Cheers to Princess Zah and Bombay Princess! =)

One more outing, guys!!

Oh, and guess who's been playing Dr Love? YES! Raj, again!

Damn... I can never have enough of 'em.

Oh yeah, dad changed the doors... including the main door and main gate... I LOVE the gate! Here's a sneak peek.

Orrrr-chid!

The room doors are pretty normal.. just more solid... all the doors made of nyatoh, which explains its solidness. Of course, everything comes with a price... hurhur. But worth it, I say.

So.. after the day out with the B2W gang, I went back home.. guess who was over at my place? YES! Waseem! He thought he'd gimme a surprise, only to realise that I was out (see, I told you ur a duffo!) but it was really sweet of him to spend time with MY family while waiting for me.

Some random photos (of myself, of course!)

My favourite one... (below) my hair looks deceivingly soft and shiny. Can I have it this way forever? Hurhur.

Oh, and..

Last Monday, when the 3 mofos came to my place, they thought they my family and I shifted.. So they called me and said,"That's it. What kinda friend are you! You never told us that you shifted!" Then I realised that I forgot to tell them about the change of doors and gate, but I never expected 'em to be that dumb and not realise the fact that no one can shift in a few days! Oh well! Blame it on Mr Brit (pssst! Wuzzy!) okay~! Hahahaha smartasssss.

...and I'm still awed by Puneet's understanding of my idealisation. You have grown, my friend. I still need to grow up. I'm very 17. VERY 17.

The weather's perrrrfect for plain chillin' so off I go! =)

The good soul, more corrupted mortals

2006-12-26T00:15:00.000+08:00

I haven't been a good Muslim... high time I turn into a good Muslim... 'cos it's only through Him that I seek for peace in my mind and love in my heart.

My Journey to Islam - Jennifer Fayed

There comes a time in peoples' lives that you are compelled to think, why am I here what is my purpose in this life. These were my thoughts during summer of 2001. I had been married to my first husband for about 3 years. The marriage was going downhill. There was no ambition in my former husband, and with two children barely old enough to take care of themselves finding out I was pregnant; I started to ponder my purpose in this earth.

Yes, I was a wife a mother a daughter; however, the same thought came passing through my mind there has to be a reason for my existence. My family had recently moved to the Dominican Republic I felt abandoned. Abandoned you might ask, she's married with children how can she feel abandoned? I was 21 years old and my parents were the base of who I was who I strived to be. They were my example.

I was sleeping, when I got a frantic call from my former mother-in-law screaming "there was a plane crash a plane crash in downtown Manhattan" confused I said "what, what are you talking about!" I turned on the television only to find out that the second tower of the world trade center was being hit by the second aircraft. I was shocked! Who could've done this, who was capable of such atrocity? I was in disbelief on what I saw on the news. Was this real I kept thinking to myself, it was must be a movie please, please tell me this was a movie. I had just been in the world trade center the day before. I saw this as some proof that it wasn't my time to die and I hadn't completed my purpose in this life. I didn't know what purpose, but it wasn't my time. There was chaos in New York City that day; little did I know this day among other events in my life would only be the beginning of drastic changes that were about to happen.
Soon after the attacks of September 11th I went to Dominican Republic to visit my parents. I was about a month pregnant and no soul other than my mother-in-law, my former husband and I knew about the pregnancy. How was I going to break the news to my parents I mean I got pregnant with my first child out of wedlock and soon married as to make things right. So here I was pregnant with my third baby and I thought well at least I can think things through while being in the Caribbean. I left on American Airlines flight 587. This was the first time I was in an airplane so soon after the attacks of the world trade center. The security in the airport was intense, and people in the airplane kept praying some even during the whole flight. I started to laugh within myself. If we're going to die well then it's our fate. I kept thinking about my pregnancy. I didn't want this pregnancy it was unplanned and a third mouth to feed I could barely support two children let alone three. I was so confused. I spent time with my family trying to tell them about the baby. I couldn't bear to tell them that there first born daughter was yet again going to bring another major disappointment to them; therefore, I decided well I'll terminate the pregnancy and no one has to even know I'm pregnant. Easy solution, I thought to myself but at the same time I came from a strong Christian family and to even fathom having an abortion was a sin and taboo. After my quick trip to the Caribbean I went back to New York and finally called Planned Parenthood to set-up the appointment to terminate the pregnancy. I asked them if I could take the abortion pill and I was devastated to find out that I would have to go through a full abortion because my window for the abortion pill was one week past the time to end the pregnancy with a pill. I was so depressed; I thought to myself oh my God their going to rip this baby out of my womb. What am I doing?

I really didn't know if I could go through with it; as a result, I decided to pray to God not using the rosary or going to church but for the first time I was going to pray directly to him like a friend, someone who I felt had to help me it was my last resort. I cried while I continuously supplicated, oh God please I don't know what to do I want this baby, but my marriage is on the rocks and we don't have money to bring another baby into the world. I will put my full trust in you my Lord, please if it's your will for me to have this baby then I will accept that and if it's your will to end the pregnancy I will accept that too. I emptied my sorrows unto a God, a God that I worshipped my own way not the way I was taught to do. A God; one that to me had no partners and no son but just a being that I knew created me. I was at my wits end thinking about the pregnancy and just went through my usual daily routine. A few days past, I was watching television when a program was interrupted by a special report. I said oh no not another attack what happened next blew me away. I soon found out another plane had crashed, this time in Queens where I am originally from in New York. I was so worried I thought it must have been brought down by one of these terrorists yet again. I was astonished when they mentioned the flight number and its destination. It was American Airlines flight 587; yes the flight that I was on but only a week ago and it was headed to the Dominican Republic. I got chills up my spine.

I was numb all over thinking that this could've been me on this flight at this time. I saw this as a message from God that he was trying to tell me something. This wasn't the first time in less then a month that I came close to death. I thought to myself God is trying to tell me something. A week after that supplication I started to have cramps, these cramps were different from the usual first trimester cramping. I brushed it off like no big deal. As the weekend continued the cramping got more severe and then I started to have bleeding. I was so frightened was I having a miscarriage? I hurried to the hospital and they put me on strict bed rest. I went home that evening and stayed in bed the cramping got better. Once asleep there was this shocking pain and with this pain I felt that something came out. I didn't know what to do; I went to the bathroom only to discover a piece of round flesh on the pad. I was devastated. I never saw anything like this I lost my baby I was two months pregnant. I went back to the hospital and they confirmed to me that yes I had a miscarriage and they were sorry for my loss. The next day was the day of my abortion appointment October 15, 2001.

I had the miscarriage just a day before this appointment. They called me from Planned Parenthood and asked me why I missed the appointment. I told them that I had a miscarriage a day before. It was so surreal, was it a miracle from God, did God answer my prayer, and what did he have in store for me. I felt that God was telling me that my life was going to change. How was it about to change? I had no idea but I did know that I couldn't stay married any longer to someone who didn't want to work and had no ambition in life. So I made a conscious decision toward getting my degree and taking steps to divorce my first husband.

I saw how badly Muslims were being treated in New York. The aggression that played out so soon after the September 11 attacks, every other day there was a report on the news about a Muslim hate crime. It was horrible; I would literally see people walking on the opposite side of side walks if they even thought a person was a Muslim. Muslim businesses were empty people refused to buy from them. People would yell out horrible things to them in the street, "Go to your country, Terrorist, Taliban!! Why are people saying these things to innocent people? I agree the people who did this were horrible people, but why blame people who didn't have anything to do with the attacks. It felt like a witch hunt. I was curious about what these people really stood for my interest grew larger everyday. I soon enrolled in college and I would meet Muslims and anxiously ask them questions about Islam. Why do you wear a scarf? What do you believe in? Who is this Mohammed who you always talk about? Some had answers but on the most part people didn't know how to answer me. Most of the Muslim girls I did know didn't wear the scarf and would say it's a choice and I'm not that knowledgeable about Islam. I felt that no one was able to give me answers so I turned to the internet for answers. There I found out about Islam.

I couldn't believe that God (Allah) had sent another prophet after Jesus (pbuh). I knew God couldn't have put me and everyone on this earth without answers to our many questions. Why we are here? Why do people say God is three when in fact it only confirmed what I personally had believed in since I was fourteen years old that God was one with no partners. I was seeking the truth to my questions and Islam answered all of them. This was amazing prophet Mohammed (pbuh) was the last prophet the last one God had sent to reveal is final message unto us. His favor upon us was done. Then I decided to do more research on this Mohammed (pbuh) was he a real person did he actually exist? To my surprise he was a real person and not only was he our messenger but his whole life had been documented. I was stunned, this was my religion I thought, the faith I have been searching for many years and it's called Islam. I attended my first Ramadan that fall of 2002.

The mosque was full of people. It wasn't like a diocese in that generally one kind of race or nationality attends a specific church. The mosque had people of all different spectrums of the rainbow. They were all so friendly and kept saying salaam walakium, at the time I didn't know what that meant but I would just nod in embarrassment. It was time to perform the salah (prayer); this was my first time ever to pray like the Muslims. I had no idea what they were doing but a friend of mine at the time just told me "do what they do" so that's exactly what I did. I would mumble what I thought they were saying and perform the prostrations not knowing the significance or reason for it. I did enjoy it. I was amazed that all the Muslims face the Kabah in Mecca, Saudi Arabia at the same time for every prayer no matter what part of the world they come from. We didn't have this in Christianity, not at all. The Muslims had an unspoken code that unified them to Allah the Most High. I wore a scarf that day in respect to them. I didn't know how the women would put the scarf on so I bought a two piece scarf that I just slid on. I felt so wonderful and warm inside when I wore the scarf. I could walk the streets without men looking at me as a sexual object. I did get stares, but that didn't bother me at all. After that day in the mosque I made a conscious decision to wear hijab all the time. People kept emphasizing to me that I didn't have to wear hijab because I wasn't Muslim. I would just comment that it's my decision and it's none of their business. When I wore hijab there was this feeling of security, warmth in my heart and soul that I was pleasing my Lord. I didn't care about the stares or the negative remarks. I felt in my heart that I wasn't doing enough to worship Allah. I was fasting some days during that Ramadan. Then I started to ponder how I would tell this to my family.
I had told my father that I was reading about a religion that comes from the east, all he told me was "it's good to gain knowledge in different cultures and religions" I think that one flew by his head by a long shot. When my mother arrived from the Dominican Republic I was seriously considering declaring my shahada. I just didn't know how I would tell all of my family especially my mom considering she was so critical of me. I was wearing hijab already so I didn't feel good taking it off just to please her because my duty was to Allah then my parents. As a result, I decided to get it passed my younger sister Catherine. She and I are five years apart but I thought to tell her first as to see what might be the response of my parents. I called her and said, "Hey Catherine I did something" She wasn't shock as I usually did things that were out of the norm. She told me "What did you do this time Jennifer?" I bluntly told her that I was considering becoming a Muslim and that I already wore the headscarf. She went ballistic in laughter. She told me that now I had definitely done it and that my parents would kill me figuratively, and that she couldn't believe that I was one of those terrorists.

She quickly followed with you're my sister and I love you no matter what religion you become but that our parents would probably go into an attack of some sort. The funniest thing though was that telling my younger sister you can only expect some form of sibling rivalry. She soon remarked "Don't tell mom and dad without me being there so I can see you go down with a laugh". I knew she was joking, and to my surprise I couldn't believe how mature she had become during that year. As you can expect, I told my parents and my dad took it well I guess most men would if it means that their daughters would cover their bodies. My mother on the other hand, was furious and shocked. She kept trying to convince me that I was in the wrong and that Islam wasn't the right religion. The thing that bothered her the most was that I was wearing hijab. It took them about two weeks to calm down with the whole idea that I was changing my religion. They soon accepted me after that, however my mom kept persisting that this was only a phase and that I would come to my senses. One week later, I had made my decision to declare my shahada.

I woke up on the first Friday of January with the feeling that this was the day, this was the day I was going to say my shahada. I was going to make my declaration that there is no true god (deity) but God (Allah) and Mohammed is the Messenger (Prophet) of God. I took my shower and jumped on the train and went to the mosque to make my declaration. I saw the sheik and told him I want to make my shahada today. He looked at me with a smirk and said "Are you sure, is this what you really want to do?" I was so excited I told him "Yes, Yes, this is my decision" and so that day all my fellow brothers and sisters in Islam joined with me to witness my reversion to Islam. All and all I felt normal that day so many people congratulated me on my reversion and told me if I needed anything they would help me. I felt so lucky; here I was with a new family a nation of people from all different parts of the world. On that Friday night I went to sleep. My first night as a Muslim I thought, later that evening around fajr time I had the most beautiful dream a blessed vision.

I was in a valley, full of beautiful green grass and gorgeous hills nothing I have ever seen in this life, and I was walking there towards a man. The person came towards me also, he was dressed in a white galabiya his face was like light not a humanly face but bright like the sun. I felt so warm and safe. He held my hand and we walked together to a big round rock which he sat on and I sat on the grass. He then told me "Welcome to Islam". When I woke up I had this wonderful feeling in my heart. I thought this was the Prophet may the blessings of Allah be upon him. He came to welcome me to Islam. I later found out that it wasn't Prophet Mohammed (pbuh), but it was one of Allah's (swt) angels who had welcomed me into the fold of Islam for angels don't have a human face but it is blurred. I felt so special from that day forward. An angel, an angel of Allah came to greet me to Allah's religion my religion the faith that I so eagerly craved from a young age, Islam the one true religion.

Source: http://islamonline.net/english/journey/2006/02/jour02.shtml

Jennifer Fayed is an aspiring writer living in North Carolina, USA. She has a degree in business marketing and is an active member of the Muslimah Writers Alliance. Read more of her writings at http://jenniferfayed.blogspot.com/

I quote Prophet Muhammad (pbuh),"Those who sleep with his stomach full while his neighbours' empty, are not among my people". God created us mortals, but Prophet Muhammad is special. It's of no wonder why there was a huge uproar when the Danish press released horrifying caricatures of the Prophet. I'd give my life up for my religion, my country, my people. If Prophet Muhammad was alive today, he'd feel so sad...

Women (worse still, MUSLIM women) walking around with just a piece of cloth around them, baring whatever possible. People drinking, smoking, gambling... day by day, people sin more than anything! The Prophet said, never raise your voice in front of your parents. Always respect your elders. The gate to Heaven lies at your parents' feet. Have you read in the papers, children suing their own parents? These days, blood ties hardly ever matter.

God forbid...

The majority of Muslims in Singapore are the Malays. Mmmm.. says a lot, dun it?

It turns me off bigtime when I see someone wearing the hijab and holding a guy's hand (possibly her boyfriend). I've seen a few kissing in public, with the hijab on. Another case, I saw a pair of lesbians.. one of 'em wore the hijab. BASKET! Haven't they got any shame?? If they don't, at least we do! The worst ones are those who wear for show.

What is the world coming to??

the ups and downs of '06

2006-12-25T22:34:00.000+08:00

The very, very concerned childhood mates came over today and we had a good talk. High time we had that. =) And I'm very thankful to God for yall. The ones who grew up with me know me best.. all I needed was a big, big hug from them and the need to bare my heart to them.. something which I haven't done for a very, very long while... So, thanks Sarah, Waseem and Rav... =)

Tomorrow... B2W day out!! In case ur wondering, B2W stands for "Black to White". The guys are the darker ones, the girls are the fairer ones! The guys are indians, the girls are Pakistanis! But since I'm half north indian, it makes me dusky-coloured even though I was born fair. I haven't seen them all for so looooong...

Anyways, since the end of the year is coming really soon (even though I haven't had enough of 2006!), I'm gonna do a "brief" sum up of 2006... WARNING: This will be a veryyyyy long post!

Jan 2006

New year's eve mum and I were out til 3am along with Nadzyrah and family. Total fun. Whoever knew what was coming later at noon? A whole "Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham" episode at my maternal Aunt's. Cause of it? The brother. The matter went out of hand, so at night, even the paternal side came down... there I witnessed Indopak war after so many years. It was a heartbreaking episode for my family... even worst for me, since I'm the youngest among us 4. Mum cried. I cried. cried. and cried. I can't see my mum crying. I'll just break down. But Farah stood by me then. I remember her telling me,"Sarah, I'm leaving... at this point of time, your mum needs you most. You are her pillar of strength. You can't break down". I tried talking to mum... tried to relieve her off her pain... I'll never forget this one day... while the whole world rejoiced, I had my broken heart to mend, and my family to stand by...

I watched the fireworks in the sky on New Year's at Harbourfront... promised myself that I'll forget Immy... obviously, I never did...

Harish flew back to Singapore. His call made it seem like my whole world went right. We had fun while he was here... and then, he had to leave for Aussie again... the days we spent together is what that binds us both still... my Taka days. It was Harish who chased my Nigger stalker away =) (Harish is flying back next month! Hooweee~!)

Hari Raya Haji, Sunny and cousins came over, along with Immi didds. Mum never did stop pestering me to add Sunny up on MSN. The very young doctor-to-be and I became friends [to mum's disappointment] soon after. =)

Feb 2006

I remember meeting Raj on V'day only to hear how sad his day went past! He lost his money on that day when he got his allowance (if I remember correctly). Anyways, we weren't out for a date, but for something else... which never did happen. Hahahahaha!!!

And yeah, yet another lonely Valentine... =)

I finished my Taka contract with Redina co. in early Feb. My family faced another big problem... in which again, we stood by each other... If that day my mum didn't advise me, or I didn't meet Nats (who came down all the way with Ganesh), I would have run away from home. I was sick and tired of all the problems going on around me. Padtu, I owe you bigtime for that one day. Remember how I cried? Haha. I swer I couldn't control myself. The supervisor gave me half the day off.. I worked there for 2 more days and quit the job.. I had personal problems going on then...

And I still had my heart to mend..

Received my O level results the same week when my personal problem emerged. Finally, something for the family to be happy about! I wasn't happy, of course. I expected to do better. That evening, the mother, the brother and his then-girlfriend (Farah) and I went to Hyatt to celebrate, as promised. Great day we had..

Soon after that, I signed up for relief teaching (thanks to the info given by Azizah!) but in the end, Farah thought I was "copying" her. Then, it led on to a huge misunderstanding which was clearly her fault.. didn't talk to her since then...

Later in Feb, Moh asked if I was interested to work with them, so I jumped at the chance, not knowing what I was in for. Really tough work!!! I've never done anything worst than that! The whole setting up and selling the warehouse sales items was really tough. The setting up was horrendous. I skipped the last day though. Hahaha!

Oh yeah, I did my first relief teaching in Feb '06 as well.. just after V-day, I think. My first school? AISS, my alma mater. =)

March 2006

Early March. Immy updated his Friendster profile. I went to check. He got attached... as if it wasn't enough that I haven't recovered from my heartbreak.. I knew it was just a matter of time, but I wanted to deny that fact. I realised I couldn't run away from it when he finally "announced" it..

Late March.. my birthday. I had to do relief teaching on my birthday (and the days before). The family planned a mini birthday party for me. I went to Appa's (the grandmother's) since I was free.. took my noon nap there... woke up and saw the brother and the mother there too.. I was elated beyond words. Mum cooked my favourite dishes, bought the Royal Chocolate cake from Sweet Secrets.. deeeelicious!!!!!! The BEST cake I've tasted so far. Then, the Aunty came home and bought me a cake too.. from Polar.. chocolate tooo! So, I had 2 cakes! I was really touched. But I was more upset... cos I really wanted to share my day with the other loved ones... just that, none were there that day... and even worst, Immy's beloved gramma shares the same bday as me.. I kept thinking about him on my bday.. The mother brought me to Swensen's at Changi Airport later at night and guess who we saw? Immy and family celebrating his gramma's bday. Talk about coincidence ey?

April 2006

The cousin's bday party. A week later, a huge quarrel between me and my Aunt. Once again, clearly her fault. Everyone took my side. It was a huge blow for me. I don't care if anyone insults me or talks behind my back (just don't let me find out), but if you talk about my loved ones, then you shall meet your wrath. I cried for 3 hours straight that day. The mother couldn't bear seeing me crying a whole ocean (cry me a river.. ohhh~)... the whole family issue turned topsy-turvy...

Later in April, school started... twas kinda slow start for me... First lecture (Medisoc) day still fresh in my mind. I wore jeans and the yellow top... after Medisoc, it was break time... I remember Kalis coming up to me n say,"Hey, I really like your top" she was nice then. Soft spoken and all. Haha! Then later forged more friendships... the closer one being with Kat, where we "bonded" at Canteen 1, sharing her love for camwhoring.

(feels like it's just yesterday that I entered NP. Everything seems so fresh in my mind!)

Then we formed our clique of 4. (plus the sec school mate, Pebbles)

May 2006

Dad left for offshore... I knew he wasn't gonna return til October/November. I missed dad so badly that I spent some nights locking myself up in my room, tearing softly... I don't like others (even the family) seeing through my soft side.

I can't remember what I did in May, but I think I had a lot of fun with the "Demented Divas".

Plus, "stalker no. 1" in NP.

June 2006

The mother was admitted to hospital for 2-3 days... on the eve of her op, we quarreled... the next day, she left the house with bro (knowing that I can't get up in the morning).. Bro pestered me and of course, I went eventually.. the very first time I curled my hair... =)

On the way back home, I acted all cool and told mum to just rest... In the bus, I started tearing... I missed mum... and I knew she cried too when we left..

Once again, none of the effed up family members (from both India and Pakistan side) visited mum... which made bro and I pissed off to no end..

Oh, and in June, I made a new friend.. Saad!!! =)

July 2006

Mid/late July... I went on Friendster... only to find out that Immy got attached to that b*tch.. I told him not to contact me anymore since then (before that, we were still chatting, sms-ing. he was still guiding me).. I even called him a jerk.. cos he IS one. But my heart hurt like crazy. On the same day, that noon, I had a group meeting (Marketing).. I tried to put that aside but I couldn't. I kept thinking about that damn things he said.. I was broken. Inside out...

August 2006

Went for the National Parade with Nats, Serena and Zahirah... finally, we met after so, so long! It was nice... but I felt broken deep down still... Biggy (Saad) was there too but never bumped into him. He's the one person who made me see the whole issue in another sense. He tried to make me forget Immy... tried to convince me that he wasn't worth it and for a short while, he succeeded... =)

Pebs' bday special! The video clips are definitely damn cute. Haha...

September 2006

I can't remember what happened exactly in September.. I think we were all so busy and caught up with work... I hardly had time to think about Immy... I was happy then, despite the workload and everything else.. I had the company of the lovely family and friends.. Immy became redundant.

Oh, and we had the hockey camp too... "the camp which broke the ice". really. like one big, happy family.

Later on in Sept, I bumped into Asheeq at Bugis... Immy's younger bro... He recognised me and started whistling.. I turned but saw only 2 guys... and then, Asheeq emerged... I never knew he'd approach me at all... especially after everything...

October 2006

The super long holidays. Relief teaching. Fasting month. Then finally, Eid (otherwise known as Hari Raya).. this year's Eid was extra special... it was more than visiting and going back home. I apologised to my Aunt for the broken relations of 6 months. She cried, knowing that the fault wasn't mine to begin with, and that despite being 35 years my senior, I made that effort to save the family instead.. and yes, my parents, the brother (especially!) and the cousin Fareed were so darn proud of me...

November 2006

Back to school.. I can't remember much actually.. let's see..

Early Nov, we celebrated Kat's bday so, one more memory for the Divas.

Mid Nov, I can't remember anything at all...

Late Nov, the POL-ITE commenced... First match against ITE went well.. Second match, I skipped 'cos I placed studies as my 1st priority and thought that I was doing myself right by attending the lecture.. I didn't listen to any Tom, Dick or Harry. 'cos ultimately, the decision lied in my hands.. plus the mother's, of course. So, wanna blame anyone, blame me or my mum (if you even dare to).

The whole hoo-haa started. Something out of nothing. Nothing went right since that day. So.. yea.

That point of time, I missed Immy a hell lot... no idea why, but I just did...

December 2006

5th Dec... he proposed and I accepted... later on, told the mother and brother about it.. I thought of it as a new beginning...

And now, "a friend is all that I wanna be"... cos I'm not over Immy... I know all his numbers, but I refuse to dial still.. I know his addy, but I refuse to add still... I'm not over him. I don't know how long it'll take, but I'm definitely not over him... his elder bro made me realise this... funny how his brothers are maintaining good friendship with me (after months of online "stalking), but he's away so often... I wanna hate you, please???

So many songs remind me of him. My own Nano reminds me of him. We're both iPod fanatics... only that his is the very first iPod... the bulky one.. lime green in colour.. with tonnes and tonnes of songs! We had almost the same songs... cos we used to send songs to each other so often... plus the fact that both of us have similar music taste..
******************************

So overall, my year went fine... I think this year, I cried the most. But 2006 made me a stronger person. I never knew I could withstand all those personal problems and be the mother's pillar of support when needed. I always thought that I was too young to understand anything but I went through more than enough...

I've been misunderstood, quite a coupla times this year. But surprisingly, this year, I haven't had a verbal fight with anyone. I've cooled down quite a bit.. I am a changed person now. I remember getting upset at the slightest things back then at 16. But Immy changed me. When he left, I lost a part of me myself. Suddenly, I woke up to no new messages. No calls from him. Nothing... Poly helped me to get on with life... but then, now, I have problems in poly itself... sucks, dun it?

I don't know how 2007 will be. Dad's gonna leave again, in June. Bro's going back to poly (hell, I hope not NP!). Mum is still here, of course. And so am I. I'm not sure if I should switch course, but will see how it goes...

This hols have been fine (apart from last Sat's "break up").

Oh yeah, this year I met so many of my primary school friends too! Finally in touch again after 5 years!! The most recent one being, Sharifah! One of the Singapore minister's daughter. We've been family friends since very,very long but kinda lost touch.. everyone got busy. But thanks to Friendster (again!) I found her and Isa! Both got attached... happy for you guys.. =) Movie outing soon! Hoooweeeee~!

Aight for the record, my LONGEST entry! Gotta go off now.. or else, I'll be late, again! (can't lose to Mama King raj!)

Nitessss!

over..

2006-12-24T21:16:00.000+08:00

Half the universe says,"You did the right thing" and the other says,"It's your fault".

I don't know who to listen to, why I should listen to them or how I really feel.

Yes, I am the bitch who just wanna do nothing but run away from every possible relationship (think BGR). I am the "runaway girlfriend". The one who can last in her present situation because of the haunting past. Yet, the fingers point at me. I don't wish to justify my actions either 'cos I only have to answer to the one who is directly affected by this. Everyone else? Keep your opinions to yourself.

Yes, I am the bitch who goes around breaking hearts like plates. Shall I list all the names of them whose hearts I've broken cos of my one selfish reason? Shall I? Or do yall want their addresses as well? So that yall can look 'em up and justify how selfish I was/am.

Yes, I am the bitch who finds break ups "thrilling". I am downright selfish, heartless... I don't care about anyone else's feelings, I only care about mine. Only I have the right to love. Only I have the right to call the shots. Only I have the right to break others' heart like I don't feel anything.

I feel bloody choked up. Someone actually said "excuses" when I explained myself. Yes, if falling for the wrong person (Immy) is a damn bad excuse, then, by all means, go ahead and shoot me in my head with that.

I fucking tried. I fucking did try but I'm just not fucking ready! But what the fuck right? The world blames me too. No point talking about this already. The same reason why I turned anti-social last year. 'cos no one would understand either. So why bother talking at all right? right?

FUCK.

Nothing's going right. I swear.

1) The "break up"

2) I might not be staying on in Mass Comm/NP. Most likely gonna change course 'cos I don't quite like Mass Comm. Funny ey? See how..

3) If things get any worse, I'm gonna cancel all other activities next week. Sorry guys. Let's hope things get better ey?

Nadz, Wayne, Kay... thanks for understanding... really appreciate it...

I need ~~my girlfriends~~ God.

filler entry 2

2006-12-24T03:28:00.000+08:00

my family, my life

2006-12-22T01:56:00.000+08:00

Now I know why, no matter how many problems I have, no matter how many people come and go from my life, I'm still strong and steady.

Yes, I'm truly blessed... with the love of the family...

Unlike some of my peers, I have all the attention I can ever ask for from the family and I'm damn thankful for that. And we didn't start off that easy. The mother and I used to have conflicts every now and then.. she used to say the wrong things, and it didn't help that my temper was really horrible then. We'd quarrel, I'd sulk for a few days straight and finally we'd make up. The dad and I never did have any problems. He loves me too much... As for the brother, he used to be really, really hot-tempered but ever since NS, he has changed.. for the better.. and I really pray that someday he comes up well and prove the world wrong.. he strayed a few times before, but I'm sure he learned his lessons the hard way... I love 'em all the same...

Well...

The mother left her purse at home today (my fault!!) and went off to work... Mummy called me only later on at about 8+pm and told me about it.. I was worried... Mum works 12 friggin hours while we sleep comfortably.. how can anyone go without food for 12 hours straight? (excluding me, of course. i wanna turn anorexic, remember? mhm) So I forced the brother to go to Mummy's workplace and hand the purse over to Mummy.

The mother called... sounded so pleased...

"I'm so touched. I just realised how much my 2 children care for me actually"

Haha. That was kinda heartwarming.. =)

The brother was a real ass though. He "stole" my EZ Link card from me and blur me realised JUST before leaving the house. He escaped to the army camp with MY card!!! I was left with the normal adult EZ Link... urgh sucks..

Then coincidentally, I bumped into him on the way back home at the interchange! And I didn't even realise that it was my brother who was standing beside me. Hahaha!!!

I looked to my left, saw him...

Me: Oi! Where's my card!

Him: Oh shit.

Me: Take the coins now and give my card back to me!

Him: Oh no.. I have to walk home? (pathetic face)

Me: I said, have the coins!

Him: No! You won't give it back to me!

Me: Hello! It's mine okay!

*bus arrives*

Me: I'm gonna tell the bus driver that ur using MY card!

Him: Dove Amicelli?

Me: Deal.

Weirdass siblings we really are. I hardly bump into him outside though. Thank God.

So, I confiscated the card from him already. I'm gonna hide it now on! Gotta take extra precautions on New Year's Eve cos he's gonna party out and I'm gonna hang out (with Mummy!)... not too sure about the childhood friends, but I'm happiest with Mummy alone even. =)

I almost set my kitchen on fire. Okay no, but the whole kitchen turned smoky cos of me!

I came back home... was in the mood for doing something crazy. Saw eggs... oil... and the wok. So I told the brother,"I'm gonna do something cool today" and he started panicking cos I've done lotsa stupid "cool things" in the past few years. Haha!

So I heated the oil in the wok, carefully broke the egg shell and let the egg yolk+ egg white flow. After a few minutes (actually, much lesser), like a pro, I flipped the egg over and let the other side get cooked as well. Then...

TADAAA!!! Success no.1!!!

My very first fried egg!! Woohoo~!

But as I mentioned before, the whole kitchen turned smoky. So I knew I had to do something about that before dad got home. The brother was anxiously waiting for Dad to return cos he expected Dad to nag at me. Thank goodness there's a fan in the kitchen! I dumped the wok into the sink, slid the kitchen windows and on the fan... Then...

TADAAA!!! Success no.2!!!

Smoke cleared!!

Dad: Did you fry something?

Me: (proudly) Yes! I can fry egg already!!

Dad: That's good!

Poor bro. His plan to make me get into trouble failed miserably cos I saved the day!

The cousin's middle finger is completely detached from his hand right now due to an accident (see the dangers of sugarcanes!). Gonna pay him a visit tomorrow with the rest of the family... Dammit... my cousin is only 19 and he lost his finger...!

Isn't it weird? People blog about their whole list of friends and the outings, but I blog so much about my family... don't know why, but I don't trust anyone 'cept them... and yet, I hid my big heartbreak story from them... I'm gonna tell them soon... I think the brother knows though... he was there with me during that period of time...

I thank God for blessing me with a family like this... they are not just family members to me.. they are my best friends and pillars of support too. They have full faith in every decision I make...be it opting for EM1 (yes, I was under "optional" but I survived), or choosing between Mass Comm/JC. I think I've let them down... I think, I made the wrong choice.

I shouldn't be in Mass Comm. I really shouldn't. I don't wanna stay here any longer... Immy was right.. I should have gone to JC... things would have been so much different then... Immy would be guiding me with my studies still... and I'd most likely make it to a local uni (preferably NTU) and do my degree/honours there.

Honestly, I chose Mass Comm 'cos I wanted to show Immy that I was defying him. Just to prove that I don't need to go thru the same route as he took... that I didn't care about him anymore... I knew deep down, he wasn't pleased at all... I know he still isn't... I'm sorry...

I was stupid. Really. Who's having it bad now??

sinful pleasure (updated)

2006-12-20T22:00:00.000+08:00

Woohoo!!!!~

Today I had nothing but fun, fun and more fun!!!!

Surprisingly, I opened my eyes in the morning, mind you! How rare is that on a holiday like this? Damn rare!!

I was so pleased to see the sunshine shining bright again! I could almost see the clouds smiling! Hooweee~!

(ok I lied. I woke up to Rav's message. Hehe.)

Anyways, the initial plan was to go cycling at East Coast but I was still afraid that it might rain halfway, so dumped the plan and slept til 12!! Haha. Then...

Sheen and co. (the other group of childhood mates) asked me out so tadaaaa~!

We met up, not knowing where to go.. so we slacked around at Bugis (oh goodness! the pretty things there!).. we caught up on a lot of things.. how often do we have such gatherings anyway? Super rare. It doesn't help that Sheen is going Australia in a year or so for university studies.. =(

That leaves us 3.

And then we walked around my favourite place... City Hall! I don't know why but it's my favourite place to be at.. I miss working there =)

At about evening time, we went to Max Brenner.. oooohh sinful pleasure~!!!!!

And oh, someone's Miss Popular in school eh? ;)

We had tonnes of fun! I wuv my childhood mates truck loadsssss!

I just realised that I've been out for almost everyday since the hols. Sigh. Gonna get some work done today.

Consultation 2 tomorrow... Weee~! Then I can complete my Informative essay. Hopefully, by then, I'll have enough energy to complete my Soc Psych essay as well. Oh, who knows, I might start getting addicted to Soc Psych again and start revising for the test soon enough!

Okay. Hoping is easy, darling.

I'm off to do some work now. Yes! Time to get efficient! Oh, for the record, I haven't signed in to MSN today! Record or wat!!

I'm not gonna sign in for a while now. Unless I get stuck with any of the assignments. Hee.

Ciao!!

************************************************

Mhm! Done with the Informative essay edited outline.. weeee~! I can work on the essay soon enough.. cheers to that!

Anyways...

Someone said,"Sarah, you are way too unpredictable.. the trouble is that, you are everchanging. Your perceptions, your ideals, even you yourself..."

Someone else said,"...all I can say is that your boyfriend is gonna have a hard time understand you!" (haha. I have no comments on that.)

Another person said,"I like you for the way you are. No matter how difficult you can get sometimes, just know that I'm here to show you the way to your soft heart and pull you away from your tough mind."

Then some wise-ass said,"Sarah, who exactly are you? The sensitive one? The cheerful one? The emotional freak one? Which are you? Well, you are a blend of everything. Don't be upset by your perplexed nature. It just makes you human"

Yeah yeah.

I took a walk in the rain
And I felt the raindrops on my skin
Made me feel like Mother Nature loves me
I don't feel alone at all
Cos in my solitude, I have many memories to keep me alive
That one burning flame
Try as you might, douse it won't
'Cos I have love and life in me

Who am I? Just another 17 year old having problems with herself and her mood swings? Nah. I'm more than just that.

I used to hate the fact that I am so unpredictable 'cos no one would be able to read me at all and know my innermost thoughts. I get misunderstood all the time. Misinterpretations of my actions, words and whatever else. Why? Is it that hard to understand me?

I'm not the kinda girl who'd bear a grudge for as long as I live. Definitely not the kind who gets petty over the most trivial things in life. I get angry and then get over it soon enough. I'm the kinda person who wants things done her way. And maybe, this is one of my many flaws. However, over the years, I've learned to give in and take. I can't say that give-and-take is 100% a part of me now, but to a certain extent only.

Who was I before? Unreasonable person who wants things done her way and ONLY her way. I used to be a very difficult person to deal with and my mates who know me since before can vouch for this.

I think I've toned down a lot but still...

I hate it when people break their promises. I'll tune off any of their excuses and just get pissed off. Be it anyone in the family or the friends circle. So, before you promise me anything, better think twice. =)

I don't trust people so easily. In fact, I don't trust anyone 'cept Mummy and God. I trusted people, got my trust broken to bits and pieces and vowed never to trust so easily again.

I am such a difficult person, after all. That sucks, dun it?

On days like this, I browse thru' my testimos, read the cards and letters given by the loved ones (all from my mates)...one made me cry...the one in pink... I remember it was accompanied by a Chuppa Chups lolly. Another one made me cry... the one from Arch, given on my 16th birthday (how can I forget that day, when I received so much of love from all over the school?)...

From one of Arch's many love letters to me...

"Friendship is the hardest thing in the world to explain. It's not something you learn in school. But if you haven't learned it, the meaning of friendship, then you really haven't learned anything!"

"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest amount of caring.. all of which have the potential to turn a life around"

some things which touched my heart...

"... in the years that I've known you, I have learned plenty from you. You are always there when someone needs your help... to soothe their fears and comfort their tears (i know where she got this from!!). Your flamboyant personality and zestful approach never fails to lighten my crestfallen days. At times, juz your smile brightens up my day! Keep up the affable manner and exuberant nature of yours! I love you for being yourself, Shariffa!... You possess great qualities such as courage and righteousness. You stand up for your rights and for what you believe and not for what you know (damn right!)..."

How sweeeeet~ I miss my lezzie so much suddenly... hurhur.

I just realised that quite a number of cards/letters come from AI Netball! I've got so many nicknames there... courtesy of YI SHI and PEI JUN!!! I MISS MY AI NETBALL JUNIORS! (especially them 4!)

...

Amazingly, it's been 24 hours already and I don't feel anything at all..

and if ur creepin', please don't let it show. I don't wanna know.

false facade, the irony of me

2006-12-19T22:12:00.000+08:00

Okay enough of emo crap in the blog!!! Time to get hyper and happy!

The brother and I are having major probs with the weather. WE CANT GET UP cos of the rain!!! Sooooo comfortable!!! Had to go to school today for the stereo assignment, but overslept by about half an hour (which is not bad at all!). My brother's a goner. He reached his army camp 1 hour later than usual but hey! It's my dad's camp so it's okay! (sense sacarsm here). I can proudly say that I braved through the rainstorm to get to school today!

I plonked onto the couch the moment I got home... how nice!

Got up at like... 6+pm..

I love my family so much. We show our love by irritating each other.

At the end of the day, I know that only they would listen to my rants and whines.. Finally, I got a chance to have a serious talk with the brother today.. it is VERY hard and almost impossible to get serious with him.

I feel like shopping online. BADLYYY.

But no! I gotta resist! Bangkok, Bangkok!!

I'm not prepared for the new year... like, it's coming SO soon! I haven't had enough of 2006! My 2006 feels so incomplete... like, so short!

The beginning of the year SUCKED for my family and only we know why. But I stood strong beside my mum and Farah (back then).. I haven't forgotten anything and I never will.. no one in my position would ever forget something like that. It was the worst time in my life.

Fortunately, things got better and it's true when they say that people get closer when they go through troubles together. I don't know about other people, but this is definitely true for the family and me. We stood by each other... I found comfort in the simplest things in life.

I remember one night, when I was sleeping, mum came into my room and lay beside me... and then stroked my hair... don't know why, but the affection was so strong that even I, a heavy sleeper, could feel it... but I went on pretending to sleep. Hehe.

I just feel like spending all my time with the family this season... I miss them so... Funny? Hmm...

I need a hug.

a "tribute" to Immy

2006-12-18T23:34:00.000+08:00

I signed in to my old hotmail account, just to check if there were any new mails.

And guess what I found out?

... they deleted my account there. Every single e-mail is gone. Everything...

One of which is very, very precious to me...

It's probably the last bit of memory that I've got of Immy...

Then I remembered, my old Yahoo account has a bit more memory of him...

I signed in there after a very long time... and there you go...

I found my last bit of memory of Immy...

Don't know why but it made me cry...

10th July (almost a month after knowing each other)

10th August (more of Immy...)

I remember us hogging on the phone from very late at night to dawn... I'd talk to him sneakily since my parents were against me having a bf then (hell, I was sitting for my O levels!).. but I still did...

I got caught twice or thrice, but I didn't care... everything seemed so worth it. Every bit of sacrifice I made. I hardly studied, my days were spent thinking about Immy and no one else. I swear, I felt everything was in place... like, I was the luckiest 16 year old girl living then.

Whoever knew I died some months later...

But why do I still insist on preserving memories of Immy?

Why?

I really don't know. Until the day he answers my every question, I won't know at all..

I guess it's 'cos Immy could sense when I was having probs without me even saying a word. I could hide it from everyone else, but not Immy. How ironical is that eh? He'd insist that I tell him each time and when I refused, he'd say,"it's ok la.. i mean, it's ok if you're not comfortable sharing ur prob with me. it's ok la" in a very sacarstic tone. And I'd be forced to blurt out every damn thing. It always made me feel better at the end of the day..

You know how it feels like when you THINK he's THE one and then suddenly, everything goes topsy-turvy.

Now I know how Parveen felt. I don't think it's her fault at all 'cos you are lethal like that.

You care for your loved ones too much. You cared for me the same way. Is it of any surprise then if I missed you so badly after that, when I realised you weren't caring the same way already?

I hate you for loving me before.

I hate you for coming into my life.

I hate you for that one message.

I hate you for the signals.

I hate you for telling me too much.

I hate you for leaving me suddenly on my own. 'cos of your Sindhi b*tch.

I hate you. I hate you. I hate you, Immy. I hate you a hell lot.

I don't like talking about you yet I blog about you. I don't like thinking about you even yet you sneak into my mind. I don't like bumping into "your people" around in Singapore and yet I did. I don't like getting tracked by "your people" and yet they still do. I don't like their care and concern for me.

I know what was on your mind. I swear, I still do. But remember, I've moved on. Yes, memories will definitely linger on. And I still won't delete those emails away 'cos I don't wanna ever forget what you looked like. Just in case someday, you come back again, realise that I've moved on. You were a mistake I learned from and moved on.

If not for you, I don't think I'd ever tell my family about the boyfriend. 'cos I promised, after you, I'd tell them everything. Yes, I did. I gained a lot in the end. You've lost, Immy. Too bad I found out yea?

I still hate you.

long live Bollywood!

2006-12-18T17:01:00.000+08:00

Why must it rain all the time!!

The initial plan for today was to go Escape with Sarah n co. but it rained, so we decided not to go. Then, I thought of running and gym-ing @ Yishun stadium, but it rained and rained. Hurhur. How on Earth am I gonna ever do anything!!

Anyways, might be going Hyatt later with the family.. Puneet said that Preity Zinta, Abhishek Bachan and Vivek Oberoi are in Singapore til this Wednesday and as usual, they are putting up @ Hyatt. Arghh..

But I don't like Hyatt anymore... I give it a 6.5 for ambience, 7.5 for food (you get sick of the food there if you frequent there) and 8 for service.

I still prefer Mirchi's ambience (9.5 for the romantic ambience!), Sitara's waiters (they are REALLY cute so they get a 9!), Mirchi's kheer (10!!!).

****************************************

Last night's Global Indian Film Awards (GIFA) sucked. Or at least, I thought so. It's of no wonder why Rang De Basanti swept so many awards (surprisingly, Aamir Khan lost to Hrithik Roshan for the Best Actor award!). Krrish merely won 3 awards... although I think they deserve a lot more for the cool effects the movie had. Omkara, I would call it the "underdog" movie, had so many nominations and got a few awards. I thought Sunidhi Chauhan deserved the Best Playback Singer (female) award for the marvellous, catchy "Beedi" song, which is a big hit in India (oh, Bipasha Basu did justice to the song!).

The performances were just so-so.. no idea why they chose Amisha Patel to perform when she doesn't have a very good reputation in the industry. And goodness! Abhishek Bachan hardly moved on stage! He can't groove to Dhoom like Hrithik. Not in this lifetime, at least. Maavir's (some Malaysian singer whose album, apparently, hit multi-platinum record) performance was completely redundant. The singer made a fool out of himself on stage when he sang the song from "Kuch Kuch Hota Hai". Personally, I thought his performance disrupted the whole flow of the award function. I mean, I admit I have a strong dislike for Malay songs and the singers, but this guy was the limit!! Zubin would've set the stage on fire with "Ya Ali", Sunidhi with "Beedi", Himesh with any of his 36 hit songs! Bah!

Rakesh Roshan was also honoured for his vast contribution to the Indian cinema and changing the whole prospect of Bollywood. For giving Bollywood a new brand name, a new outlook. I mean, who would have thought that someday, we'd have our own Bollywood superhero!

The highlight of the evening was the best-looking couple in Bollywood.. Yes! John Abraham and Bipasha Basu. They looked stunning, and appeared to be very supportive of each other. John must be so proud of her for clinching the Best Actress award for her splendid role in the movie Corporate, beating favourites like Kajol (Fanaa), Kareena Kapoor (Omkara), and even Rani Mukherji (Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna aka KANK)!

Of course, if there's the Best Actress, there has to be the Best Actor award too! And it went to none other than India's hearthrob, Hrithik Roshan for his role in Krrish! The junior Roshan has definitely bloomed as an actor over the years. No one would ever forget his first ever movie (which was a BIG hit in India!) Kaho Na..Pyaar Hai in which he delivered a beyond-expectations performance. Unlike most other actors (eg. Shahrukh Khan etc), Hrithik looked good right from his first movie, setting many hearts ablaze (yes, mine as well!) since his debute in 2000. Hrithik looks a lot more better now with his curls (from Dhoom 2) and his drop-dead gorgeous physique, which can make anyone, guy or girl, droooool! He's the epitome of a man.. as successful as he is now, he is just as humble, often relating his success to the people who gave him support, not taking full credit for himself. He is the top favourite among the stars and almost every other Bollywood moviegoers.

Lage Raho Munnabhai, the story of an average goondha (street gangster) who turned to Gandhism, won the Best Story award. This movie has been intelligently plotted, from the slow, almost usual beginning, and then building up towards the climax and finally revealing the gist of the movie: Gandhism. The movie is so impactful that you leave the theatre thinking about it. I must say, if not for the movie, I would hardly know anything about Gandhism! A very well deserved award, I say!

Double thumbs-up to the Khan family for getting 2 awards! Soha Ali Khan (Best Actress in a Supporting Role) and Saif Ali Khan (Best Actor in a Villainous role) were both absent from the award function but the brother-sister have done their mother, Sharmila Tagore, who is a veteran actress, proud!

I was greatly disappointed when Arshad Warsi lost to Abhishek Bachan for the Best Actor in a Supporting Role. Honestly, Arshad Warsi ought to be credited for his brilliant performance in Lage Raho Munnabhai, tapori-style.The movie would hardly have that much of an impact if not for Arshad. Besides, his lovable nature and extremely talented way of delivering funny dialogues is something that not all actors can achieve! Abhishek did well in KANK but it was a normal role, which almost any other actor can pull off.

All in all, the entire GIFA function was just fine but surely, this marks yet another success. Indians are going everywhere, and in many parts of the world where you find Indians, you get Bollywood there too. =)

Bollywood zindabad! (long live, Bollywood!)

edited: wants, wants and more wants!

2006-12-17T02:18:00.000+08:00

GUESS WAT!

I woke up at 5am...slept back. 6am.. slept back. 7am... messaged Serena telling her that I was too tired that I was giving the outing a miss. (slept back and got up at 12.20pm! achievement or wat! only 10 hours of sleep?? whatever happened to the 14 hours of sleep!)

And damn, I did!!

Argh. Some time next week yeah? =)

I slept late last night.. cos of someone~ Haha nah, kidding kidding. I was really, really shagged.

Biggy's on the way to Pak already... =(

And I got fooled bigtime by Aaqib yesterday.

Me: yaar (friend), when are u coming back?

Him: Next year... bahot lambi chuttee yaar (long break, mate)

Me: *stunned* WHAT!

Him: Yes.. I'll be back only in 2007

Me: How come????

Him: Don't miss me okay?

Me: ... but how can you take a year off studies??

Him: YAAR! I'll be back during the 1st week of Jan!

Dammit. It happens every December. When people say "next year", I think of it as "plus 12 months"!

I hope/wish/want to watch Kabul Express tomorrow! John Abraham, my man, here I come!!! =)

Oops~ =P

Anyway, I have no idea what's wrong with oggix.com, so my tagboard is temporarily out-of-order. For the time being, you may leave comments at the bottom of the entry. Where is says "0 onlookers thought having you back was easy". So emo~

My young ones came over today... fun, but scary... seeing how the elder one is turning out... the younger one is perfectly fine... she idolises me, so she's on the right track. HAHAHA!!!

Self-amused~ It's okay Sarah, it's okay.

I'm IN LOVE with 2 Punjabi songs!! I hardly ever listen to Punjabi songs cos I despissssssse the DAMN dhol beats! My bro, on the other hand, LOVE Bhangra 'cos of the dhol beats. I don't remember NOT having headaches after listening to 2 Bhangra songs consecutively. Yes, just 2.

Since I was so bored the whole day, I decided to do up my list of WANTS/things I'm looking forward to! (in no particular order)

- Jacob n Co. watch (i ADORE this white particular white watch)

- GUESS watch too. I LIKE!

- the 2 pretty dresses at Tangs

- more tops (haven't bought ladylike tops since... September?)

- 30GB iPod video (just to complete my "Pod family". Got a blue 6GB Mini, a black 2GB Nano)

- a job

- 2007 (New Year countdown @ Marina!)

- my 18th birthday

- the coming family vacation...woohoo~!

- major revamp for my bedroom!! (yes yes! mum has agreed! gonna have something more... "princessy")

- another pair of Gucci shades

- 2 more pairs of Levis (i WANT the one i saw the other day, with nice gem-like thingys at the back!!!!!!)

- a new handphone. YES!!! I WANT A NEW ONE!!! (preferably any Sony Ericsson phone with the Cybershot cam)

- "Be Delicious" perfume. 'cos it's BLUE in colour and I LIKE!! (another one of DKNY's)

- Apple iSight =)

Yeah. That's all. Not too much to ask for, right? Haha.

DAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, today's gonna be fun. I just know it! =)

Edit:

Watch these 2 vids on YouTube. SHAMEFUL LIKE ANYTHING! Indian man and bus driver fiasco.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=Lx0iszVuLKw&mode=related&search=

http://youtube.com/watch?v=3-mRTKC_sz4

WE SINGAPOREANS ARE CIVILISED PEOPLE! SEND THESE UNCIVILISED MENACE OF THE SOCIETY BACK TO WHERE THEY BELONG SINCE THEY DON'T KNOW HOW TO APPRECIATE THE SIMPLEST THINGS IN LIFE! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, THE INDIAN MAN DIDN'T PAY HIS FARE AND WRECKED HAVOC! BASKET!!! ROT, YOU EFFER!

lethargy, and a lot more plans

2006-12-15T22:29:00.000+08:00

I'm feeling damn sleepy/tired... and whatever else!

I feel like studying, suddenly.

I feel like completing every single piece of work I have.

Maybe I'm bored.

Tsk.

Anyways, I gave today's hockey BBQ a miss...

I've quit NP Hockey... uhuh.

And, yeah. 'Nuff said. =)

Thanks NP Hockey for giving me the best memories of '06/Year 1 life.

The camp, Sentosa, Eid, the tournament (memorable, I'm sure)...

And of course, for giving me the opportunity to mingle with more mates from all over the school. Otherwise, I'd be stuck to knowing Momin only. Hahaha!

If not for NP Hockey, then I wouldn't know the boyfriend that well... and we would never have gotten that close... and he'd never ask me out either! And I'd be leading a sad, lonely life... so, Thank God for that! =)

The journey with NP Hockey didn't end on a good note, but nonetheless, I'm taking away some beautiful memories with me.

NP Hockey Camp '06

NP Hockey Outing @ Sentosa

Picture perfect! =) (Gonna miss you guys!!!)

I'm so excited! Gonna go KBox-ing with Jes, Angie and Serena tomorrow! Woohoo~!!! I MISS YOU GUYS TRUCKLOADS!!! Can't wait to catch up! I so need this!!

And next week, outing with Wee Siong (my "bf" back then in AI haha!), Raj n co. aka B2W (in case you're wondering, that's our clique's name.. Black2White. I'm in between. Colour, that is). Plus Escape with the childhood mates! Woohoo~!

Oh, not forgetting, Tuesday's stereo assignment (hopefully will be completed there and then 'cos I CAN'T stand we-know-who). Planning to burn Tuesday away in school... research, essay... HOPEFULLY.

Then finally, comes the class Christmas Party at Glo's place and the loooong-awaited New Year countdown!!!!!!

=) =) =)

misses and loves.

2006-12-14T21:28:00.000+08:00

Well, my day was mostly spent with the boyfriend. We were in the library at noon (since I had nothing to do from 12pm-3pm)... He studied and I got bored... so......................

*peek-a-boo!*

tsk tsk tsk

*HAHA! You've got one more test and I ain't got any! =P *

ohhh dreadful eyebags!!!

He's shy~ Haha okay no. People studying, so cannot disturb la.

Holy shit. I need to sleep at 10pm now. EVERYDAY.

Time check: 1434hrs. Sigh.

Okay last one of me!

My Mr Engineer's so studious. Sigh~ (Haha!)

Okay, so I was the obvious distraction there. But I was just bored =/

Anyways, today was F-U-N!

Did the breaking social norms thingy with Tammy and Lav. Ivan LEFT us after having his ice cream!!! Grrrr. But it was FUN seeing how people reacted to our weirdo-ness. Haha. Thumbs up! =)

I feel extremely sleepy.

zzZzZzZz...

Oh, I've completed 90% of my assignments (including the ones due after the hols). Double thumbs up!!

And dearest one, I love YOU! =)

Note: This entry has been edited. I don't see a point in...the earlier chunk. So yeah.

bless 'em love

2006-12-12T00:25:00.000+08:00

I feel like blogging today. Not sure why, but maybe because of the overwhelming thoughts in my head. Or, as usual, I've got tonnes of plans lined up this holidays which is why I'm trying to complete my assignments a.s.a.p. I'm quite pleased with the way how things are moving along... really...

I'm starting to talk to people whom I hardly conversed with before (which is a good thing). The irony of this is that, I've drifted away from a few others. Not sure if it was my fault or whoever else's but something did happen in between. And Lav was right. When I think back now, I just feel like laughing my head off. 'cos it was mightily trivial! But, oh well~ Whatever happens, happens. =)

I use this phrase rather often... "Whatever happens, happens". Guess whose? Hah. Uhuh. Immy's...

I realised that after the 6 months, I started talking like him, joking like the way he did, behaving like him... isn't it weird? You tend to become like the one you're so close to and start losing yourself...

I lost myself. In fact, I can't find the past me. Where is the Sarah of 2005? I don't know. Maybe gone for good. 'cos I was definitely not like what I am now a year ago..

Some of you may wanna know, what was I like a year ago..

Answer: I can't recall. I was definitely a happy-go-lucky kinda person, who never studied but deep down, my grades were all that mattered to me. But when Immy came along, every day that passed was sparkling bright.

Imagine this. A special someone who wants you to morning call him so that yours is the first voice he hears when he wakes up. Then messages you all day long, and sums the day up with a call at night.

Sounds perfect right?

Hah. It was. It definitely was.

But it took me a whole year, and one guy to make me realise that without all that, everything's just as perfect.

The reason why I refused to let go back then was because he was there for me all the way then. I had 100001 problems a year ago... everything subsided only since May this year... and I can't thank God enough for that. =)

Why have I been talking about Immy? 'cos just some nights ago, I dreamt about him...

Immy, I have so much to tell you today. I don't even know where to start, but you know me better than I know myself. I know you haven't forgotten... I remember every word you said... And suddenly... I feel like talking to you... I wanna talk to you so badly...

Some friendships are such.. no matter how hard you try to forget, it keeps coming back. My friendship with Immy turned into a horror when we expected more than what we shared. Otherwise, I can safely say, no one can understand me better than Immy... uhuh.

My friendship with Arch, G, Immy, Harish, Saad... all worth getting back... we fell out, we got back together ('cept Immy so far)... these people have left such deep footprints in my life, I can't forget them. Not this lifetime at least. These people have made me laugh, heard me cry, felt my words... they mean a hell lot to me.

My friendship with Arch was very sisterly-like. But we drifted, slowly...

My days with G were filled with more laughters! We had crazy fun! We called ourselves the "trenty siblings" all 'cos of this dude named Josh Trent and we used to make fun of him so much. Hahahahaha. Dammit. I miss G.

My chapter with Immy didn't end the day he said those words. That was just the climax... and he knows that better.

Harish... he was right when he said my Friendster blog entries were very much like his. He's my inspiration, my best friend, my mind-reader. I don't have to tell him anything and despite being miles and miles away, he knows when things aren't going right.

Who can forget Saad? I'll cry one year from now when you leave Singapore forever. Promise, I will. You have been THE BEST bugger I know!!!! I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

All of them have one thing in common. They irritate me like nobody's business, but at the end of the day, they love me still. =)

I'm glad that for once in my life, these people crossed their paths with mine... I feel so blessed... =)

weaving perfection into dreams

2006-12-11T02:31:00.000+08:00

I dream of being a Princess, but "happily ever after" is hardly a promise. I dream of turning into a Saint, but I'm nowhere near perfect. I wander off to LaLaland more often than not.. just to weave more dreams each time. My journeys to LaLaLand takes me higher and higher.

The princely dude (ahem!), a house by the lake, Mini Cooper parked in the garage, super cute kids running around the house, a profession to-die-for, non-stop flow of chocos in the fridge (errr)...

LaLaLand holds such sweet promises...

I feel like dreaming again. I have been too caught up with reality that the dreams hardly ever set in.

'Cos in my dreams, I'm flawless, highly excitable (more than in reality), brilliant, worth envying about... In my dreams, I'm surrounded by the loved ones day in, day out.

Tell me, why are dreams so sweet?

An extract from my Friendster blog some time ago...

"Stay with me for a little while, as we run our thoughts thru' our tomorrow. Stay a while longer so that I can keep that picture of you in my heart. When ur not around, I'll take a peek at that picture of you, pretending that I don't miss you when I really do. Bear with me as I take these tiny steps ahead, for I wanna cherish every single phase we go thru' together...from the times when I played hard to get, to the time when I finally said "yes"... your perseverence definitely paid off, and in the process, there were moments when I thought I'd lose you, but I knew you'd still stand by me..and you really did.

Stay with me for a day, I wanna tell you how much you really mean to me, for I haven't told you that in a while.. just in case you forgot, I'll be there to remind you that you mean the world to me. Stay with me for a month, you'll know me better, from my mood swings to my laughters... you'll know me so well that you decided,"1 month isn't enough".

Then come the years, you saw me change from time to time, but you never fail to remind me who I really am.. when I strayed, there was you to pull me back.. when my days greyed, I'd find solace in your hug.. when I sulk, there's you to pacify me, making me feel like the girl whom dad used to call "my little princess" all over again. You gave in to my every whim and fancy all the time. The way you look into my honest brown eyes for a while and then say "I love you..." makes me feel special all over again.. Never has there been the word "solitude" ever since you came into my life, with a grand entrance, just like how Prince Charming did it." (16 September, 2006)

The first two paras make so much more sense now. =)

Missing you... =)

P.P.S thanks yall for asking but I'm fine already... pretty touched that a number of peepz asked me how I was doing over the weekends even.. seriously, thanks... it's always nice to know that you mean something to others... =)

random fever!

2006-12-09T23:14:00.000+08:00

Yet another day of fun and even more laughters! =)

Yes yes, the outing with Sarah and co. rocked!!! We were back to being lil kiddies, playing catching in the Lazy Pool. Tsk.

Oh, next stop: Escape Theme Park (hols) !

=)

We have been friends for 17 years (ever since I was born) and we know each other inside out. It feels like I've got 4 elder sisters, 1 elder brother (my own) and 1 younger brother..

And to Neneh and Nats, sorry for not going for Masq Nite!! Will fix a date with you guys and the rest of ze gang reallllllllll soooooooooon! Loves!

I hope Masq Nite went niceeeelyyyyy =)

Nats, you freakin' CALLED me!!! I never realised how much I missed you guys (Nats n Neh) til I heard ur voices... =(
.
.
.
.
.
.
I've learned a lot in 17 years of my life. They say, wisdom comes with age but I beg to differ. I know 17/18 year olds who are more mature than people who are much older than them. Talk about experiences eh?

It's only now that I realised how much the cousins and I have distanced...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Me: *knocks the door*

Dad: Who's that?

Mum: Who else, if not the youngest in the family?

Dad: Who's the youngest? All are grown ups.

Durgh! Your Baby is still 17, Dad. Despite this amazing maturity level she has in her. Must be the life experiences that taught me life lessons the hard way. Uhuh. I repeat, 17. Hoho! Do you hear the biatch in me talking? I think I do ;)

I think, I have to announce something... quite serious..

I have this fatal attraction to babies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sarah's baby cousin, Fardeen, came along today and gawwwwwd!!! The 2 year old is SO cute and has pretty lashes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cutesy babies make my day! =)

Especially the chubby, fair, nice features, pretty eyes kinda babies!!! GAWWWWD!!! Damn cute lah!!!!!!!

Babies have this twinkle in their inquisitive eyes... so darn cute and innocent. Arghh!
.
.
.

Oh weeeeee~! I've got plans for New Year's eve! Not too sure about daytime, but gonna head down to the Marina Bay Countdown 2007! Last year, we went from the Esplanade to Harbourfront.. only to find out that Nadzirah (childhood friend) and family there too! So we ended up going for supper together and reached home like at about, 3+am. But it was total fun!!

=)

2006 has been pleasant. This December has been fine! Finally a pleasant December after 3 long years...

I'm super shagged so off I go!

Nitessssssssssssss~

i love my lovelies!

2006-12-08T22:55:00.000+08:00

One word to sum up today's outing with the group... F-U-N!!!

Tadaaa~! (Scott and Ivan missing from picture!)

That's us 9, plus Amber behind the camera!

Awwww~! My fav pic! Wella, Gloria, Me and Pebs

Cheak, too late!

Cheak, Amber, Wella, ~~Brain~~ Brian, Me and Pebs

If only I studied this hard hahaha!

Yay~!

I haven't sung for soooo looooooong... Kbox-ing is funnnn! Never knew it can be so stress relieving! Woohoo~!

Left at about 5+pm, 'cos had to visit the grandmother.. I'm really starting to freak out...

...

Anyways! Reached home, and had fun goofing with the family! Hahahaha. It's my crazy family afterall...

I'm so proud of the brother, who has finally stopped dreaming and started to think properly. And thanks for sharing my point of view on the issue. =) You know I LOVE YOU, idiot!

Gonna go swimming at Jurong East Swimming Complex with Sarah and co. (the childhood mates) tomorrow!!! Yay~! I've been wanting to go since... forever!

This is why I love my life and my people. Everyone's there when I need them.

I love every single one of yall. =)

Glo, seriously, thank you. =)

And Lav, ur call meant a hell lot to me. Seriously. I never thought anyone would call me at that hour to ask me if I was doing fine. I am really, really touched. Promise I won't call you "basket" anymore. HAHA! Love you, Indian bit! =)

I'm one happy girl again! Weeeee~! =)

raging fury (sorry ivan!)

2006-12-07T22:06:00.000+08:00

Once again, I got fucking crushed.

Yes, allow me to just whine a lil.

I got fucking CRUSHED.

Let me explain...

1) I am STILL not getting my A for Speech Comm which frustrates me to no end. Yes, a B/B+ isn't that bad either but FUCK! I WANT THE GODDAMN FUCKING A!

2) I quarreled with mum over a rather stupid issue. She was tryna help me actually... gave me solutions but I refused to heed... so I walked away... and I feel like crap now.

The issue was regarding something which was supposedly solved... no, it's not the family. It's the mates. The dearest mates.

Well, I shan't go further into that. (When people say that everything is okay and it clearly isn't, i'm in no fucking position to say any single fuck)

Yes, I seldom use vulgarities. I'm not pissed off. Really, I'm not. I'm just damn fucking sad.

FUCKING sad.

I thought poly life rocked.

I thought I had the best people in my life. Finally, people whom I could talk to and laugh with.

I thought I had it best.

I thought "this is gonna go a long way now"

I thought "3 years, I can live with this"

I was wrong. Wrong. And damn wrong.

Initially, I thought it was paranoia too. But now, I'm quite sure it isn't.

And I think, Mohsen is right. But Glo is too. And Mummy also... all 3 different viewpoints, different outcomes...

But I'm too tired already.

Mummy says confront. Don't walk away. But Mummy, how do I confront?

Mohsen says, either confront or walk away (in worst case. tho he strongly advised against it). Once again, how do I confront? I hate getting all emotional and teary-eyed. I know I'll tear. I know I will. 'cos this person meant something to me.. how can I not get emotional?

I don't fancy isolation. Yes, I've found a new love within the past week... that is, reading. I read books by Catherine Lim to pass my day away. Just to distract my mind away from the "hows" and "whys". It's not worth spending so much time pondering over it when it leads to no action taken eventually.

I'm really tired. Emotionally. Mentally.

And when things come to this end, I seek help from the Almighty.. 'cos eventually, only He can provide me with clues on how to solve this riddle He set.

He writes the chapters in our lives. Whether to turn to the exit point or make a U-turn, it's all in His hands now. I'm in no position to change Fate. Destiny. I can only sit back and wait now... in the meanwhile...

Thanks Glo. =)

Thanks Mohsen. =) =)

Most of all, thanks Mummy. =) =) =) =) =) =) =)

(oh, Mummy and I have made up. TAT'S FAST! haha!)

of love, life and the passing one

2006-12-06T00:32:00.000+08:00

05.12.06

This date I shan't forget..

The (real) red rose, the choco, the man kneeling before = PERFECT!!!!

I've never felt more... i-cant-describe!

And oh yes, we're officially together now. =)

**********************************************
Dear Immy (as I used to call, affectionately),

I wish I could tell you how happy I am today. How complete I feel. I had it bad with you,and it took me a long time to recover. Too long, I say. I never thought it would be possible to get you off my mind for a day even. But look where I am now. I think, I'm the luckiest girl, by far. The family dotes on me like anything! The same people who make me laugh every single day. The ones who love me so much, but they won't say it. =)

The boyfriend (ah, now I can say!) who loves me so sincerely and dearly.. and he's more than just the boyfriend to me. We started off as friends so that we still are. Then we became besties and we're still maintaining that. But of course, best of all, he's my boyfriend now. =)

The new-found good friends in people who have been around me but I just failed to notice. I love 'em as much as I love the rest of my mates. 'Nuff said =)

So you see, Immy, I'm doing really fine. Never been better. I'm in love with life and everything it has to offer me.

What about you?

**********************************************

I'm 17. I've got life in me. I'm always looking out for something new, craving for new knowledge. I'm hungry for success. Yes, I am. The energy from within increases with each sunrise. Afterall, everyday is different innit? You can't possibly wear the same thing, eat the same food, say the same thing to the same people day after day. That's just impossible.

So, everyday is differerent, regardless of the content of the day.

I have my bad days too. In fact, they are here in my face but I'm not really bothered by it. 'cos I know, the bad times will pass soon enough. Some things aren't in our control. I wish I was in control. I wish I could control life and death so that I won't have to stare at the deceased and think of the happy days.. it makes it harder when you have a looong history with 'em. Then you snap back to reality and realise that nothing's permanent in this world. Everything that came from Him, will go back to Him.

But if I could make one wish, it would be that, I don't want any calls during midnight again. My late grandfathers and Uncle Elias passed away during midnight.. my family has this phobia of answering calls during midnight since then..

Honestly, I doubt I'd be severely affected by it, but I know my dad will... and anything that affects my family automatically affects me.. their emotions have become the tune of my heart. Whether they laugh or cry, my heart sings the same way...

God... just a while more... please?

get well soon, time.

2006-12-04T10:29:00.000+08:00

I know I mentioned "hiatus" in the previous post but I don't think I can resist blogging at all!

Anyways, the weekends were great with a capital G! Had a lot of fun with the family. Uhuh. A lot of fun! The brother and I went out together yesterday.. how rare is that? =)

Appa's (paternal gramma) in hospital now.. not sure when I should make my way to NUH.. it's so near school.. but yeah..

Appa was on the verge of death 5 years ago. How she survived the whole ordeal, only God knows. And I'm quite afraid actually. Yes, I disagree strongly with whatever she did and said.. but I guess, she needs us now...

The only one holding the family together now is Appa.. I can't imagine what's gonna happen..

Ahhh... everything was going fine all along... not til last week... life's never smoothsailing ey?

I hope you get thru this...

And, hello again to Karan and Saad.

SAAD!!!!!!!! Missed you like... A HELL LOT OKAY! and yea yea, I remember the promise. =) Loveeeee youuuuu, Biggyyyyy!

Saad and Aaqib, have fun in Pakistan yea.. Biggy, bring back a dulhann! hahaha =)

Everything's gonna be okay.. everything's gonna be okay..

sudden change in the direction of the wind...

2006-12-01T16:51:00.000+08:00

Today, for the first time, there weren't 4.. just 3...

There is no issue (I think?), yet there's this distance.

I hate this feeling which is why I refused to comment on it when asked.

I hate this.

OH WELL! Weekends are here! Yayness!~ Family time again!!

Grammar test tomorrow *blurgh*

This week has been fun.. looks normal on the whole but after much thought, it's a rough week. Thank God for nice people around~ The mother has played a major role in making my week fabulous!

Well, afterall they say, everyday is a new day innit? Hah. Hah. Hah.

I'm tired. I'm really tired of wondering why, how come.. I just wanna shut everything out from my mind and sleep. But when I wake up, I have to deal with the issue again.

I reflected. Assumed. Thought over and over again. I still can't find an answer.

I'm disappointed.

This is me, 17 year old girl, relatively pampered by her family but still has that bit of maturity in her. There are times when I falter and I know it. My ego has hindered me from doing a lot. But I dare say, I know how to use the big E.

Who am I? What am I doing here in Ngee Ann Polytechnic's prestigious Mass Comm? Whoever told me to be here in the first place when I can jollywell secure a place in JC and maybe repeat a year or 2 but get out with a freaking 'A' level cert and gain entry to NUS/NTU!!!!!!!

WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING DAMMIT!

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

I have to find out why I'm here.

I don't care. I'm taking Private 'A's. I know it sounds crazy to dream of completing both my diploma and A levels together but I wanna. I don't wanna die regretting skipping A levels for something I'm not sure of (Mass Comm). I know I'm capable of accomplishing this. If I never give this a try, I'm never gonna feel satisfied... 2 years of hell, but it's worth it no?

Okay fine, I miss maths aight. (Maths is my 2nd favourite subject, surprisingly)

Argh. Miss Zuraida, I so need you nowwww =/

My loved ones are all that I need and want now. I don't wanna talk to anyone else. At least, not til the weekends fly away...

This is where I say, goodbye. (will be on a hiatus)

Til then, take care yall readers.

Love,
Shariffa*

the unforgotten memory

2006-11-30T22:57:00.000+08:00

Just a few days ago, I blogged about the ex's younger brother, Aashiq. I removed that whole post and saved it in Draft 'cos it contained some stuff inappropriate for a new beginning like this...

To think, today, it's the elder brother, Han.

What is wrong with these 3 brothers??? Keep track? Get a life, please.

I'm happier now. Really, I am.

IN FACT!

In a few days time, I'll be the happiest person alive, with one burden rid off. Uhuh, I did say burden. Sad, but well, I'm contented, more excited to embark on a new journey! Weee!~ It's back to teaching for me, most likely. I like~ =)

Suddenly I've got testimos coming in on Friendster. So overwhelming!

Mumtaz (a real darling and PRETTY!), Wen Nan (my favourite gossip-kaki back then in AI! 11 years of friendship still going strong!) and morrrrreeeeee...

2 of which are from my secondary 4 English teacher, Miss Zuraida! It's really nice to hear from her each time, and our teacher-student relationship has evolved into friendship, more or less. And it all started off with me hating the way she taught English. I was rude, I rebelled, and whatnot! The entire sec 4 level knew how much I didn't like her then.

But guess what! I mellowed... really, I did...

I find myself quite weird actually. People who I dislike in the beginning, end up becoming my closer friends whereas those who make a darn good 1st (and possibly, follow-ups) impression end up becoming those who I can't really get along with.

It's not easy getting along with me. Seriously. Once you piss me off, that's it baby! Chances of me forgiving or forgetting (if that's even possible) are like............. 0.00000000001%. That, too, under special cases only! =)

Otherwise.

You know what to do.

I can't possibly blame everything on PMS. Something's amiss. But I don't really care. Uhuh.

I'm tired. Let's see what I've got left...

1) Social Psychology Quiz tomorrow

2) Grammar Test on Saturday

3) APA Citation test next week

4) Commercial script due Week 9 (almost done with this. yay~!)

Can't wait for this week to end! Weeeeeeee~!!!!

*You know you can do it, Sarah!*

think happy, think me

2006-11-29T22:53:00.001+08:00

Seriously, I love that ~~idiotic~~ lovable brother of mine. Without him, my life would be only half as interesting!!!!

I don't know why but he has been after me the whole week. Disturbing me, threatening to throw my books away (that's what he used to do when I was in sec school. he'd hide my books), damaging my laptop (hah! he won't dare to!) but today's prank was the ultimate.

My toilet door (bi-folding) is aqua in colour. Pretty nice and light-coloured. But the disadvantage is, if someone stands too close to the toilet door, the shadow can be seen. It's nothing really. But it becomes a problem when you are bathing alone at night, and you see a shadow.

Yes, I saw a shadow there while showering. And I got quite freaked out cos the "figure" appeared to be bending down, like, really hunched. I started to panic. As if that wasn't bad enough, "it" started to knock on the door...

*knock*.... silence ....*knock*....

It went on for a minute or so. I showered as quickly as possible and tried to find a way out, safely.

I opened the door, like a brave girl. Looked to my left... and right...

Nothing.

I was about to go out of the kitchen when suddenly...

"BOO!!!!"

There came my brother, who was hiding behind the wall.

-_-

I got shocked, of course.

Oh God, when will he ever grow up? Even the neighbours noticed how childlike he is... when he shuts up, he looks perfectly 22 years old. But the moment he starts his nonsense, that's it!!!!!

BUT i love him still. =)

Anyways!!! Today's match against NYP was really well-played! Kudos to the NP Hockey Girls' team! I played for a short while, but it was kinda cool. I thought of not playing at all today, 'cos it was one tight match and really exciting to watch. Of course, better to be a part of it, but I was rather reluctant. I guess, it's the lack of confidence. When coach asked me if I wanted to play, I declined and gave that as my excuse. Then he said something rather wise.."How will you gain confidence if you don't go on the pitch?"

And that was when I decided to give it a try. He said some more words which really touched me, 'cos he seemed to have so much of faith in me. "If there's any player who can stop that girl, it's you (pointing to me)". Awwwwww!!! I may not wanna quit hockey afterall~~~ (yes yes, I'm fickle, but we'll see).

Oh, and I bumped into my dearest childhood friend, whom I used to play "house" with, and many more childish games! Shireen! It was so nice seeing her at NYP! We so need to catch up! =)

For the past few days, I've come to realise that I've got more friends than I thought. I found a good friend in Jorge! And a friend in many many others! Like, seriously. I was so touched when Reina asked me if I was getting better and that she thought of brewing me something. And yes yes, our cheesecake outing in weeks to come! Weeeee!~

I completed a book yesterday! Yes, finished reading every single page of it! In a few hours! It's "A Leap of Love", really nice story, by my favourite author, Catherine Lim. I've read almost every book by this amazing lady, the maestro of language. Everytime I read the books by her, I get this sudden inspiration to take out a pen and a few pieces of paper...and just let my pen dance away...

Okay I shan't get carried away. Got the outlines to settle. It's gonna be one helluva week!

Tomorrow - Assessed speech (impromptu), hockey training

Friday - Outlines to be submitted, SocPsych quiz

Saturday - Grammar test

Next week - APA citation test, final hockey match, against SP

Week 9 - Commercial script to be handed in

Urghhh. I shall procrastinate no further. Just can't wait for this week to end!

Aight ciao!

thanks, Mummy =)

2006-11-27T21:21:00.000+08:00

First of all, my apologies to the NP Hockey girls for giving today's match a miss.

Suddenly I'm no longer an individual. In one way or another, I'm affliated to something or someone.

I think, it's in my nature to be selfish. Whatever decisions I make, I don't depend on others' opinions solely. I listen to myself more than anyone else 'cos I've got my own brain to use. And if I'm still indecisive, I seek help from my mother to make my decision.

A short conversation between us last night...

Me: Mummy, I don't know where my niche lies in. I really don't. I was in debate, netball, hockey...but I still can't figure it out.

Mummy: You were good in netball, better as a debater. And I know you can make it with hockey, if only you went for more trainings. Then again, I don't like it when you come home late.

Me: I understand...

Mummy: Tell me, this is partly why you are quitting hockey right? 'cos you don't want us to fight everytime you come home late?

Me: Well... more or less...

Mummy: Sarah, you went to EM1 for our sake. Suffered, but you did it in the end. You went to AISS 'cos I said it was the best in the neighbourhood at that time when you wanted to go Cedar, badly. Finally, came the time you had to choose between poly or JC, I let you make that decision and when you finally did, you doubted your decision. You keep saying that you're not sure if this is what you want. If I made the decision for you back then, you'd have been in a JC now, most likely suffering like you did years ago. But eventually, you'll make it, and I know that.

Point here is, my mum feels like she makes the decision for me almost all the time. I don't mind that. In fact, I like it cos it's one burden less each time. I don't like to think. I really don't. But the reality lies in the fact that I'm growing up and I have to know what I want, what I do not want. 'cos at the end of the day, I'm still an individual. A daughter. A sister. A girlfriend (to-be). And that's all that matters to me. I don't care about anything else.

Today, once again, I've proved that I only do what I feel like doing. I am as stubborn as a mule, they say. BUT I don't care. Yes, this is me. Now you know.

I was visibly upset earlier on, 'cos hardly anyone saw where I was coming from. At that point of time, all I needed was my mum. Just a phone call to her made me feel like I'm back on track. Yes, this is what I wanna do, this is what I don't wanna do. I know my priorities, I set 'em right.

I'm no bright kid. Skipping lessons would injure my brain cells greatly. Who cares whether I got 241 for PSLE? Or r4 12, r5 17 for the Os? 'cos at the end of the day, I know I'm just an average kid. I know myself too well. If I know I had to skip the match for lectures, so be it.

Let me announce to the whole world my set of priorities, so that in future, I need not be questioned on this anymore (sucks, I tell yall).

1) Studies + family (father mother brother)

2) My 2 young ones

3) Him and the close mates (like, the childhood mates, the secondary school besties)

4) Work

5) Myself

6) Leisure activities (shopping, movie-going, outings yadayada)

7) The brother's girlfriend

8) All other friends

9) Hockey (which will not remain on my list of priorities after this tournament)

There you go.

Anyways, went to the doc's just now and as I guessed, my tonsil (or whatever you call it) is damn swollen... so bad that it makes coughing and ~~swallowing~~ consuming food/drinks really painful. Urgh.

I enjoyed Writt Comm lecture today! Learned quite a bit about APA. In fact, I raised a good question... woooh~! See where determination gets you eventually? =) Thanks Mum..your say is always my final decision and thank goodness I listened to you again today.

Congrats to the NP Hockey girls team on winning today's match against TP! 3-0! *applause*

Next match is on Wednesday, against NYP. Wee~

I guess, I am one of the lucky few who have my mother as my best friend. Whenever I come back home from school, like a 6 year old kid, I'll rant, complain or tell my mum excitedly about what happened in school. Everyday. She knows my friends, even though she has hardly seen any. I'm starting to think that Mummy's right about certain things I used to disagree with her...

Now they call me irresponsible and I won't deny that. But is it wholly irresponsible of me to give the match a miss? It's sad that hockey, something which I truly enjoyed initially has become something that I'm starting to detest. Just one absence was all that needed to taint my name. I can tolerate anything, but not when my actions go misinterpreted.

F*ck. I feel lousy. This time, really, leave me alone.

my worth = my studies?

2006-11-26T23:14:00.000+08:00

001. Babe or Baby: baby (as dad calls me affectionately)
002. Sweetie or Honey: Sweetie... honey is overused by the exs
003. Darling or Dear: darling. dear's overused by the last ex.
004. hug or kiss: both!
005. white or black: black
006. ground or sky: sky
007. night or day: night
008. pool or beach: beach
009. love or lust: love
010. you or me: me.
011. silver or gold: white gold
012. left or right: right
013. sunny or rainy: rainy
014. hot or cold: cold
015. lake or river: lake

DO YOU

016. eat 3 meals a day: nope. usually 1 meal. max 2 meals
017. like someone: yeah
018. believe in love at 1st sight: never.
019. like school?: not bad.

HAVE YOU EVER

020. been camping: yes
021. eaten alligator:erk
022. gotten in a fight: verbal, yes.
023. been out of the country: duh
024. cussed someone out: nah
025. held a grudge for more than a week: im not that kinda person. haha.
026. killed something: i don't go beyond killing ants and cockroaches.
027. had a mud fight: nope.

THIS OR THAT

028. kissing on the bed or kissing in the rain: bed. ok stop it, Lav. hahahaha
029. watching a scary movie or a funny one: funny!
030. holding hands or being held: mmm...held
031. held at the shoulders or held at the waist: waist.

A-Z

A- AVAILABLE?: depends on how you see it ;)

B- BEST SPORT?: not sure. netball was nice. hockey's nice too.

C- CRUSH?: Hehe. im not tellin'.

D- DOGS NAME?: Bobdog, Lucy Puppy

E- Easiest person(s) to talk to?: my family!

F- FAV. COLORS? black n blue

G- GUMMY BEARS OR GUMMY WORMS?: bears

H- HOMETOWN?: sunny sg!

J- FAV. JUICE?: orange and mango

K- KIND OF MUSIC? R&B

L- LONGEST CAR RIDE?: 12 hours

M- MILK FLAVOR?: choco

N- NUMBER OF SIBLINGS?: one elder bro

O- ONE WISH?: to get outta school with the freaking dip a.s.a.p

P- PHOBIA/FEARS?: loneliness

Q- FAV. QUOTE?: "it's ok if you're lost, for when you're lost you discover things you never knew before"- yours truly =)

R- REASON TO SMILE?: my loved ones!

S- SONG YOU LAST HEARD: if i ain't got you - alicia keys

T- TIME YOU WOKE UP TODAY?: 10.30am

U- UNKNOWN FACTS ABOUT YOU?: i can't stand seeing people cry cos it makes me wanna cry too =/

V- VEGGIE YOU DONT LIKE?: lots

W- WORST HABIT?: not sure

X- X-RAYS YOU'VE HAD?: the right ankle

Y- YOSHI OR PIKACHU? erk

PRESENTLY

01. is your hair wet? nope
02. is your cell phone right by you? yup
03. do you miss someone? not really.
05. are you wearing chapstick: nope
07. are you tired: not quite
08. are you excited: not at all
09. are you watching tv: nope
10. are you wearing pajamas: nope

HAVE YOU

01. recently done anything you regret: nope
02. ever lied: yeah. but i always feel so guilty after that
03. ever stuck gum under a desk?: nope
04. ever kicked someone?: nope
05. ever trip over your own feet?: yeah. dammit.

TODAY
01. have you cursed: nope
03. have you gotten mad at someone: nope
04. have you cried: nope
05. have you called more than 3 people: nope

Q 01: is there a person who is on your mind right
now?
A 01: haha yeah. REZA!!! hahahahaha
Q 02: where is the last place you went?
A 02: 7-11
Q 03: who is the last person you called?
A 03: mum, i think
Q 04: who do you like more, your mum or dad?
A 04: like???? I LOVE BOTH OF 'EM!!!!!!!
Q 06: do you smile often?
A 06: only to people who i'm familiar with
Q 07: do you think that someone is thinking about
you right now?
A 07: i think he is. are you? =)
Q 08: do you wish on stars?
A 08: sometimes. when im upset and wish for things to get better.
Q 09: do you untie your shoes every time you take
them off?
A 09: nope
Q 10: when did you last cry?
A 10: too long ago
Q 11: do you like your handwriting?
A 11: it's everchanging
Q 12: are you a friendly person?
A 12: yeah. but to get along well, is another thing.
Q 13: who's bed did you sleep in last night?
A 13: mine. duh!
Q 14: what color shirt are you wearing?
A 14: white
Q 15: Do you have a pet?
Q 15: bobdog and lucy puppy
Q 16: what is the color of your bedsheets?
A 16: sky blue. i like!
Q 17: what were you doing at 3pm yesterday
A 17: i was snugglin' up in bed... cosyyyy~!
Q 18: i can't wait until...
A 18: this sem ends and we fly off to Bangkok!
Q 19: is tom on your friends list?
A 19: nope
Q 20: look to your right. what's there?
A 20: the closet
Q 22: ever cried yourself to sleep?
A 22: before.
Q 23: ever cried on your friend's shoulder?
A 23: nope
Q 24: song that makes you cry or really emotional?
A 24: Because You Loved Me, We Belong Together, Dangerously in Love
Q 25: are you normally a happy person?
A 25: usually, yeah. but what you see on the surface isn't necessarily true innit? =) well, with the family, i'm one happy girl!
Q 26: has anyone ever said 'i love you' to you?
A 26: uhuh =)
Q 27: if yes do you think they meant it?
A 27: mmm..i hope so. =)

Anyways, Happy 23rd Anniversary to the parents!!!! The BEST anyone can ever have! If 26.11.1983 never happened, then where would the good looking children come from? Hahaha. Okay, enough of that. To my loveliest parents, who have endured the best and worst times of their lifes together, I LOVE YOU BOTH!!!!!

Not that they read my blog, but a short dedication would do right? =)

Some say I take after my dad, others say I look a lot like my mum in her younger days. Some say the brother is a carboncopy of dad, but others say his brain works like the mother's. We are the mix-and-match of the parents, completely.

We have endured the toughest of all times together (back then in 2003), and that was when I learned not to take things for granted. Suddenly no more trips overseas, no more frequent shopping, no more lavish spending... But the parents were patient and all 4 of us put faith in the Almighty. We knew that the bad phase would fade away soon enough and we were right. For everything that I have now, I thank God for it. =)

Yet, I spend unnecessarily sometimes. Tsk tsk. I shall be mindful of that in future.

Anyways, now about the much talked-about movie in town, Dhoom 2! As expected, the storyline was just so-so, but the main attraction of the movie was the cast (Hrithik and Ash, that is). Their tanned skin looked awesome on them, the fantabulous bodies (the result of much workouts!), the sexywear... overall, thumbs up for those!

The special effects were kinda cool too. I like the part where Hrithik kept changing his disguise. The best one was the one at the museum. He REALLY looked like one of the statues! Two thumbs up!

The storyline was like the first Dhoom tho. Music was mediocre.. I only liked 2 songs.

After much thought, I've decided to give tomorrow's match a miss. I feel like one damn irresponsible player but my studies remain my top priority. I don't wanna compromise anything for it.

As if it isn't hard enough to make this decision, dad put pressure on me subtlely when he asked bro...

Dad: I'm paying for your poly studies next year. Are u planning to go for degree after that?

And guess what? Bro and I are graduating at the same time. Mum was right. Dad's really wise and knows how to shake me a lil from my dreamland. I'm vying with the brother for that chance to go overseas and study. It's either United States for him (cos he wants to carry on with his course) or Australia for me. I have to prove that I'm of some worth!

Now, I'm really quitting hockey after the tournament and give tuition. And do better in studies!!!!!!

previous post removed

2006-11-26T16:28:00.000+08:00

I decided to take the post off.. after much consideration.. it wouldn't seem appropriate, so in it goes, into Draft...

Bottom line is, leave me alone. For today. For as long as I'm not okay.

of dreams and reality

2006-11-25T14:48:00.000+08:00

It' s a Saturday and Sarah's at home!

Before you start placing 4D bets, just a slight info: I'm gonna watch Dhoom 2, midnight show!!! *cheers*

Gawd! I've been waiting for this movie in anticipation and now that it's here, there's no way I'm gonna give it a miss!

And you guys won't believe this but I was SO looking forward to the movie, that I dreamt of Hrithik Roshan (the ultimate hunk. sorry John) last night! He was checking through my Writt Comm essay. HAHAHAHA!

Let me elaborate more.

It started with Pebbles telling me to hand her work to Lee Hom (yes, LEE HOM!) and then we decided to go together. When we reached the "office" we saw Lee Hom, Hrithik Roshan and another one (a lady) I-dunno-who.

Me: (whispers) He's my Bollywood hunk!

Pebs: Really??

I started getting all excited and the next thing I knew...

Hrithik: So you're Pakistani?

Me: How'd you know!

Hrithik: Hehe. I have a relative who's Pakistani as well.

The conversation carried on, I called my mum and told her about it. Sigh... how I wish this isn't a dream at all. Dammit. I'm obsessed with the whole Bolly thingy la!

Anyways, I called Jade cinema at 1+pm to find out if there were seats available for the 2.55pm show and yes, there were! So I thought, there's still time... until an hour later, Salma messaged me telling me that all the slots have no more seats left.. only the 1st 2 rows of every slot is available! Can you imagine! Within 1 hour, all the slots (2.55pm, 6.05pm, 9.15pm, 12.30am) all gone! There's nothing special about the movie besides the hunks, babes and bikes, really.

So, instead of going to Jade with my mum, I'm gonna go to Yishun GV with mum, the childhood friends and their mother! Weeeeee~! Another gathering! They are all going to an open house in JB first, but I'm not tagging along. I hate going to JB. That leaves me alone, at home now. Hurhur.

Anyways, a few pix of Dhoom 2, mostly my hunk!

Introducing Uday Chopra, Abhishek Bachan, Aishwarya Rai, Hrithik Roshan and Bipasha Basu. Tell me, why do I feel so proud being 50% North Indian? Woohoo!!~

The hunk with Miss World 1994. Talk about hotness *droolz*

OoOoOhhHhh~

We know who's the hotter one yea? =)

Woooo~~ Him, as the villain. Still as hot!

Awwwwwww~!

*sizzle siizzle!* (pssst! he has 2 thumbs on his right hand, just like my bro!)

Okay, last one! Promise!

*melts*

(pixxies credits to Indiafm.com)

So serene. The weather's so nicey~

But I miss my mum already. =(

Anyways, I had a super long week this week. I fell sick and was on the verge of recovery but I fell sick again. How bad is that! Hurhur.

Oh, did I mention, NP Hockey girls drew with ITE Hockey girls yesterday? 2-2! =) good game, girls!

Pictures taken yesterday at NYP's hockey pitch have been uploaded at our very own NP Hockey website. Here's a few...

The coach speaks to the team. The full team, for the very first time.

"Ngee Ann!!!"

The team, after the match =)

Cooling down and debrief. That's me, number 6!

The ~~167856453th~~ 3rd favorite man =) *psst! I still think my nose is nicer!*

And Momin was right when he said pendu 'cos the pendu started acting again yesterday. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!! It's super irritating ok! Thank God someone shares the same sentiments as me when the whole world thinks otherwise. The world must be crazy, or just plain nice.

Aight Dad's back! Weeeeeeeee~!!! Ciao!

another me, another identity

2006-11-21T22:36:00.000+08:00

It would appear that you are experiencing one problem after another. When one problem is resolved, another seems to immediately take its place. It could well be that you are trying too desperately to evade or to escape from your present situation and it is 'you' that is causing the problems to manifest themselves. You need to slow down a little.

You like the better things in life. You are sensuous and emotional. You are a follower of the Arts and you seek an environment that will give you the fulfilment to the senses that you need.

You feel tired - worn out and listless. The last thing that you want to do is to be in an open conflict with those around you that are forever tormenting you. What to do? That's the rub. You are feeling that you are being choked - unable to breathe.

At this moment in time you feel as if you have lost the strength of will to contend with existing problems and difficulties which appear to you as deliberate opposition. You are trying to stand your ground but the pressures are intolerable. You would like some co-operation from those around you but it's not forthcoming so you feel that, in its absence, there is nothing you can do to improve the current situation. You would like nothing better than to 'get away from it all'.

You would like to break with the present and move on, searching for new conditions and relationships. Your anxiety and stress are results of unfulfilled emotional and perhaps physical needs. You feel that you are not really understood by your nearest and dearest and it is this that prompts you to move on, searching for that so illusive peace of mind.

(http://www.paulgoldinresearch.com/cg/)

Interesting... quite a bit of it is true (not all okay~)... I'm not saying which parts exactly, but yeah.. =)

Why am I so secretive when it comes to details about me, myself and I? I guess, I just dislike being read by others.. I hate it when I become predictable.. I hate it when people tell me that they know me more than myself, when really, that's hardly even true. I'm everchanging. Wait, we all are! But I change too quick, it's hard to be in the same frequency as me all the time. I refuse to stick to one channel, 'cos I tend to get bored quite easily.

I feel too afraid to let anyone come too close to me.. I don't open up easy.. Almost a year ago, I had a "medium" to rant and bitch to.. I shared my proudest moments with the "medium" itself.. I didn't have to say a word, and we didn't have to see each other, but the "medium" knew how I felt, each day, each time.. and the result? "It" knew me better than I knew myself, and I got cheated on (in a way)..

Since then, I built this barrier which blocks my emotions and deepest thoughts away from almost anyone else.. Saad almost succeeded in making me understand why I should live again and tear the barrier down. I thought I succeeded, but I was wrong. Today, I realised that the barrier is still existent. But I'm glad that I'm living again... I breathe the same air and stand on the same ground as everyone else now. God has been so kind to me.. 07.06.05 will never be erased from my trashy memories, in fact, I still dearly cherish 'em.. 'cos if that day never happened, I would never get to know the other side of me..

I was emo, anti-social, withdrawn and hid myself from almost everyone else. My self-esteem hit rock bottom, I felt like I was nowhere compared to the b*tch.

I guess, all of you would agree that I'm not even close to what I described here now. I can only thank you guys for changing me.. and of course, Nats.. you were there for me when I was going through the darkest of all times (you know I'm not referring to the issue mentioned)... I called you and you came straight to my workplace.. that one day, I'll never forget...

I felt like running away from home... far away... but thanks to you, my shoulder-to-cry-on-all-the-time... I think I've never told you this, but I love you... from the bottom of my heart.. I really need to catch up with you soon... movie some time? I have SO much to tell you!!!! =)

Come to think of it, I think I owe you my entire lifetime!! How many times have you saved my ass? Hahahaha. Only you and I know uh~ =)

I guess, I am reserved afterall...

There are days when I don't feel like being the daughter, the sister, the girlfriend (to-be~), the cousin, the niece, the granddaughter, the childhood mate, the friend, the student... I just feel like locking myself in my room, and get to know myself. This is partly why I prefer being alone sometimes... just to get away from everything and be myself, with me and no one else.

Of course, it gets boring after a while. And then I realise, the multiple roles I have to play aren't so tiresome afterall, 'cos at the end of the day, without these roles, I'm a nobody. Just an individual, with hardly a life. Who needs a mundane life when you've got the most happening people around you!

But it would help, if I knew myself better... =/

Edited- Sarah, the angry girl

2006-11-20T23:33:00.000+08:00

I hate this, seriously. Come to think of it, I do miss AI Netball... it was run by the proper peepz who made sure everything was tip-top and complete. How we endured our 10km runs those days! How we'd push each other, both seniors and juniors alike... How we triumphed when almost all of us came in top 20 for x-country last year!!! (yes yes, that includes me *blush*)

There's no other team like AI Netball.. a whole lot of politics (hey, it's an all-girls sport afterall!) but it was so fun, and we fought each year with only one aim in mind... to bring the cup back..

I thought NP Hockey had that undying spirit but apparently, it's so different! I slacked... and slacked... and slacked...

Anyways, I think I'm getting really PMS-sy so, to everyone around me...

ALERT!!!!! The last thing you'd wanna do now is to irritate me!!!

I got irritated a few times today alone... partly due to the fact that I'm sick (and here at home, when I'm sick, I get real pampered by the parents!), but in school, even the slightest things that irritate me I can't say...

I think, I'm a damn spoilt child.

I'm a bloody brat.

Yet, I whine. Sighhhh.

I just realised how lucky am I to have my parents.. I think my lame-ness come from 'em or summin...

Dad: My english is getting worse 'cos you always watch Zee Tv.

Mum: My hindi will get better only next week when the girl and I go watch Dhoom 2.

Their conversations never fail to crack me up!!!

Mum called me excitedly while I was having my break today, telling me that her colleagues got her gifts and even ordered pizza and she was so touched.. 3 of 'em even cried when she was saying her goodbyes... To think, my mum was there for jus 1.5 months!!

Not bad~ Mum seems popular~

I'm sorry if all this is starting to bore yall but my family and I are really close, so most of the time, I end up talking about 'em... Mum's my best friend, sister, all in one! We can fight like there's no tomorrow and then make up 5 minutes later (unless I get really bad tempered and choose to use the "silent killer").. Dad is my favourite man on the face of this Earth!! No one else can pamper me like the way he does!! *pssst! he's MY tom cruise!* My brother... my 2nd favourite man! 'Nuff said!!!

My 3rd favourite man?? Mmmm... obvious innit! =)

Despite me getting grumpy over trivial issues (I say, it's PMS!), I still feel blessed at the end of the day, 'cos I've got a loving family, the dearest one, and who can forget, my rockin' mates!! (Gosh, I'd be so incomplete without anyone of 'em!).

Oh, did I mention, last Wednesday there was this "mini" gathering at Rin's place.. and I swear, I was so happy 'cos I finally got to meet my first few friends in secondary school again!! It started off with the 6 of us...and then, reduced... only Mai, Nad and of course, Rin herself were there... but that was enough! I missed Nad a lot...I'm so glad we got to meet again, even though it was for a short while...wish I could stay longer... Guess I gotta drop by Starbucks Novena some time.. =)
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Oh, just in case I haven't told yall this... I LOVE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU!!!!!!!!!! =)

At the end of the day, Sarah is a happy girl. =)

random reflections make me feel lousy

2006-11-19T01:16:00.000+08:00

Screwww... I feel so lousy now...

Really, I do.. on nights like this, when I get to reflect on stuff, it's either I get emo or just lousy.

When was the last time I did my parents proud?

Why are they so nice to me despite knowing that I am not getting anywhere with this?

Why is my young one getting more and more rebellious?

Why do I sense this space I have with everyone now?

Where's everyone?

Have I distanced myself from my own world a bit too much?

Have I forgotten to remind them that they are not forgotten no matter what?

When was the last time I told them that I love 'em all?

When did I last see them?

Why do I always seem at the losing end?

Is it me? Really, is it??

Is that why people think I'm arrogant??

Is that why I'm limiting my social circle these days??

Then again, why am I doing this?

Why am I avoiding almost anything that comes my way?

Have I become a boring and predictable person?

Why is it that I seem to have lost interest in things I used to love doing?

Have I become a changed person off-late?

If I have, then is it for the better or worst?

I don't have a single clue, damn it.

I had a weird dream last night. Dreams are usually so forgettable. And it doesn't help that I've got such limited memory space. But last night's dream was, just weird... suddenly, the people who have been missing for a while now came back... I'm not sure if that's supposed to be a good thing or bad... surely, I hope it's the former...

I miss some relatives of mine...especially the cousins..

I miss some former schoolmates of mine... especially the secondary school ones... (including the juniors)

I miss travelling.. (bring forward the Bangkok trip please, Dad?)

I miss doing stupid things. Like, really stupid.

I miss my Nani's alu parathay

I miss my Paji and the way he'd say, "Number ek ka haraami!"

I miss my Pupphi...and Uncle Rasheed...

I miss...Raeesa... I miss you terribly... you have no idea how hard it was for me on Eid, not being able to talk to you... I miss you, dearest one... I miss the stupid questions you used to ask me, and my even stupider replies to you... You love me the most, and yet we can't talk to each other now... You were only 9 years old when you gave me an advice I never saw coming from you... I'm sorry for that day.. I really am..

I miss my cousins, suddenly... I don't care how many friends I've got but yall were the first few friends I had in my life. I miss yall so badly...

Remember the sleepovers? And how yall would disturb me and I'd run, crying to dad or mum.. How much fun we used to have karoake-ing Hindi songs.. and the list goes on and on...

Everyone's busy now.. including the brother... which leaves me alone..

I need a job. Now.

mood swinging from end to end

2006-11-19T00:27:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, I think I'm too honest for this evil world.

What irks me is when I'm in the middle of a conversation, then my replies go unanswered, and when finally there is an answer, it's a diversion of what was talked about before. It's irritating, I swear (with regards to a certain conversation I had today).

Anyways, apart from that, I'm one happy girl today!

I was out with the parents til night, Vivo-ing. Pretty much like any other mall, just that I LOVE the view from outside Haagen Dazs, facing Sentosa. Love the lights. Serene. Nicey~

I had sore throat but tell me, who can resist Haagen Dazs? =)

Dad bought me this pair of white gold earrings.. simple, just the way I like it. =) Plus a bit more shopping at Mango and Candy Empire!!!! I'm a sucker for chocos, as well all know =)

Thanks, Mum and Dad!!! Yall know what I love best, always! =)

Anyways, I had a talk with the parents earlier, regarding me working part-time. I think, I'm fickle-minded by nature.. I'm quitting hockey by the end of this year, most likely.. as much as I love my mates there, I can't depend on my parents totally for sending me abroad right after diploma.. so, a lil bit of independence is required here.

Mummy: Quit hockey. Eventually, you'll be heading to Australia. Why bother about CCA points?

That hit me hard.. Before poly, I thought it was okay to aim for NTU's Mass Comm studies. Then I realised how competitive it really is. In the first place, I don't know whether I'm gonna pursue a degree in Mass Comm, Marketing, Psychology or simply, Teaching!

I just hate the thought of leaving Singapore in 2 years time... 5 semesters left.. dammit.. a lot left to be done..

Come to think of it, I don't think I wanna get pitch training shoes at all.. I mean, after this IVP, that's it for hockey, I guess..

Made so many new friends through hockey itself.. plus, him... =) how to leave the team then?

But Shariffa's gotta do what she has to do.. Sigh..

Then again, what part-time job am I gonna get? =/

I'm so fussy. so fickle. I can't stand myself sometimes.

Okay, maybe I'm just getting moody here. My day seems incomplete, somehow.. =(

when lethargy slips in

2006-11-17T20:03:00.000+08:00

Oh joy~ I thought removing the previous post would help but as it turned out, it didn't! We bumped into more and more hockey fellas today... oh well~ It's okay yea.. =)

No idea why, but I feel extremely lethargic now.. as if all I wanna do is to shut my eyes and wake up the next morning/noon.

IVP coming Friday... I don't wanna fall sick just yet!! Hurhur.

Thank God the weekends are here.. time to complete the assigments! Let's see...

1) Radio (1 min capsule on a festive season)

2) Writt Comm (4 paras)

3) Speech Comm (some Alexander the Great thingy)

4) Social Psychology (oh wait...we've almost completed it already! weee!)

5) IAC..dammit.

6) Contemporary Issues (gotta think of something I wanna write for Week 7's essay)

Uhuh. That should be it. Not really heavy (remember last sem?) but I'd better get down to doing them asap!

I'm too tired to carry on... *yAwNz*

a new meaning to 'love'

2006-11-16T18:17:00.001+08:00

First of all, let me say, sorry jaan for putting this up in my blog but I can't resist okie. =)

Remember, not too long ago I was whining on how jerks seem to be everywhere and I kept bumping into one after another one..? And how anti-love I was?

[And, whenever people asked me, I kept saying,"yeah I'm attached... very attached to my family and friends". Hey, I still pretty much am ok! =) ]

Well, a certain someone has changed it all. I've never felt more complete than now. I thought I had it all, but now I realise what was missing.

It started off like any other story. We started off as friends (in fact, we hardly talked 'cos he thought I was arrogant and I thought he was too quiet to be my friend), then, we got closer (many thanks to technology!) and now, we've come to a point where we're not sure of what name we should give this special thing we share...

This has never happened to me before. I never saw us getting together someday.. in fact, I found it close to impossible.. not sure why, but that was how I thought it was.

It was not til recently that I started taking notice of him more, started thinking,"Should he confess to me someday, what should I say?" Slowly, slowly... I started falling for him too..

Ever since last Dec, I thought, it was almost impossible for me to move on... I didn't wanna jump from one to another... I knew if I had my next, he'd be mine for a long while (or at least, that's what I hoped for). I planned to love only after diploma, and then I realised that "it comes when you least expect it".. words from the jerk himself. And how true! I know it sounds silly to "plan the love" but that was what I hoped.. 'cos I thought I was complete...

It was not until this week that I realised what I was missing out on... I, for one, ain't the kinda girl who'd fall in love after 2-3 days of knowing a certain guy... It takes a long while before I finally decide who stays and who goes... For the past few months, there have been a few guys who expressed interest in asking me out (all are local uni students), but for some reason, I was reluctant. Maybe it was because they all talked so nicely, and about what nice fellas they are.. it makes me wanna puke.

I never thought that someday, I'll date someone from my poly even (how much closer can that get ey!) But I like this certain someone 'cos he definitely looks at me more than just the surface. When I'm at my slackest attire, he likes me still... which puts off a whole load of pressure to meet his expectations.. of course, there are days when I dress up nicely still, but it makes me very comfortable being with him...

I can start telling everyone about how nice he is and still feel like it's not enough, but that's just how he is... =) he CAN be mean though (note: to me)! But it's always good to be balanced, you see~ Who wants a guy who's nice 24/7??

My heart skips a beat when I see him now.. (shhh~)

As much as I'm glad for all the good things happening so far, I'm afraid... What if God decides to put me through another test? What if this December proves to be just as bad as the past few Decembers (since 2003, mind you)..

I don't know why but this whole thing has made me love my friends more as well. I'm so glad that I've got the friends who love me so much, that they feel so happy for me..

I've moved away from the past, just when I thought that it was impossible..

Thanks, love.. =)

filler entry

2006-11-12T19:22:00.000+08:00

Well, I don't have much to say today, just that I think I'm going through this "2 weeks exhaustion" phase again. It happens all the time when school starts. When assignments start to mount, when my schedule starts to get to me, when I start lacking sleep and my appetite starts going extremely low.

I was out at Swensen's with the parents today and saw someone awfully familiar. Then it struck me. THE YJC NETBALL BUTCH! "She" was with "her" girlfriend, apparently. The parents freaked out for a moment when I told them that I was this close to turning lezzzie. And no, that's not true at all. Just wanted to see their reaction to that. *HeEz*

Mum surprised me today when she said,"Somehow, I think you like *him*"Dammit. Am I that easy to read or is my mum just too good? I certainly hope it's the latter =/

I like ~~nice guys~~ a nice guy. *wInKz*

Oh, and did I mention, I have my DKNY Red Delicious perfume already!! Weeeee~! Cheers to duty free discounts!!! It smells so sweet, it'll make anyone wanna devour you! Ok, sounds wrong but you get what I mean!

Yesterday's outing with the primary school friends rocked!! There was a total of 10 of us who went and we had fun,of course! We even went to our Primary 6 Malay teacher's house. It was nice, reminiscing our kiddy days... will post some pix once I get 'em.

Oh God, let it go this way... =)

dedicate to dearest Kat =)

2006-11-10T23:15:00.001+08:00

I haven't been able to update due to my busy schedule and occupied mind. Hehe. I shan't go further into that =P

Kat went on her knees and begged me to blog so here I am, again! So much has happened in the past 2 weeks.. how time flies! Week 4 of school has just ended.. Wow...

2 very significant things happened during these 2 weeks (or rather, this week!). Firstly, we celebrated Kat's 18th birthday yesterday (although her birthday's in 2 days!). I doubt she expected the surprise, right? =) anyways, here are some pix we took!

Pebs and Kalis at work.

"Mommy *cat*" done! It's a card, by the way. =)

Yummy mango cake! Selection by your truly~ For the dearest butch =)

Kalis' relightable candle played her out in the end. The expression on her face was priceless!!! When she just reached school, she was so excited about the candle only to find out that it didn't work. Hahaha!

The birthday girl beaming! Weeee!!~ Mission successful!

Ohmygawwwd *indian accent* another surprise!

Presenting to you... the Demented Divas!!!! *many love!!*

These 3 girls have brightened up my life in poly beyond words. My very first clique, the very first few girls I'm so close to (I used to be around people like Nathan and all). I love 'em... and definitely hope our friendship will go a long, long way~ =) I love you girls!!!

The other thing which happened this week, I can't tell you guys. All I can say is that I'm glad... yeap =)

Ok let me sign off here before I start leaking it out! =P

Nites all! =)

for the light of my life

2006-11-10T23:10:00.000+08:00

To: My Favourite Man

Have I ever told you, that I love you? I know, I haven't. And maybe, we were born to irritate the hell outta each other for life. Then again, that's just our way of showing how much we really love each other.

You got me hooked to World Wrestling Federation (WWF) since I was 3, and made me your punching bag. I don't know why, but I never learned my lesson. Maybe 'cos we had so much fun wrestling that we didn't care when our heads bled after falling off my bed *heez*

Then we grew older. Your tolerance for me started wearing thin. Remember this period of time when you were in secondary school and me, primary school? We hardly talked. But, I was a quiet person then too. We lost each other during that short while. I missed you, but I knew, you were there still.

Not too long after that came your poly-my sec school phase. Both of us grew more hot-tempered (even though we appear docile!) and fought half the time. But you are so cool by nature that you took only 5 minutes to cool down and then go on disturbing me. During this period of time, I saw you change from time to time, and the different roles you took on. You had an additional role to play then, Mr Romeo.

You grew more protective of me as I grew up. You'd make sure that I mix around with the right people, and often caution me when you think I'm straying. You know me too well. How blessed am I to have someone so protective of me! =)

When my days greyed, you'd laugh at me and crack the dumbest of all jokes but you're so cute that I can't help but to laugh along! And there goes my sorrows~ You've never sat down and talked to me properly 'cos we can never get serious when we're together but such is the beauty of our relationship. You irritate me, I irritate you back and at the end of the day, we love each other more.

You call me "small rhino" and I call you "buffo" but deep down, we know how good lookin' we are *wInKz*

Yet today, you cried. I couldn't take it. I laughed at you, but in my heart, I cried along with you. I never knew you were so deeply in love with her. I never knew that it's prolly the first time in your life that you are so serious. I guess, I don't know you that well yet. But, if you have faith in your love for her, then stay strong. Otherwise... you can't force Fate right?

You are in camp now, and me at home yet I know, you are still crying... her plane is on its way to the States and you are stuck here with just memories of you both. It hurts to know that she'll be miles and miles away from you and there's nothing you can do about it.

But cheer up. You are the life of this home! Nothing brightens the family more than us irritating each other. So, I'm looking forward to you irritating me soon ok! Cut the Romeo-ness 'cos I miss you, Buffo!

Love,
Your "small rhino"

"stray-ngers"

2006-10-28T02:01:00.000+08:00

I feel so elated and I don't know why.

I feel so happy that I completed all my assignments (except the radio one! should be completed by this weekend).

I feel so happy that I feel like staying up all night and blog my heart out. But I won't bore yall by doing that.

Well, I had IAC lesson today (make up lesson, 'cos I skipped last Wed...oops! ). Mr Michael showed us this video of ex-convicts who learned their lessons the hard way, young girls who step into motherhood a tad too early.. Sad,isn't it?

I was greatly astounded when a Primary 6 student of mine told me,"Teacher, I've got a boyfriend. He is in ITE now" My first reaction was,"WHAT THE HELL!?"

In the first place, why the need for a boyfriend at a tender age of 12?? I mean, why do hormones seem to rage so furiously in kids these days?

My 2 little girls (the cousins whom I call my young ones) are aged 12 and 13. I keep track on them, on who they talk to, what are they doing exactly online. Reason being, I've seen and heard of too many young girls who go online, chat with some unknown strangers and then get taken advantaged of. These girls are weak, powerless, fearful. They have to be enlightened on the dangers of the Net. It is very tempting to believe that everyone is how they seem to be online, but reality bites. That's not always the case. Besides, why do kids feel the need to know more people online???

I feel worried sometimes. What if my young ones (or either of 'em) stray someday? It scares me sometimes when I realise that the responsibility of the both of them are on my shoulders as well. I am fully aware that one of the 2 is starting to do things her way, and that she is easily influenced by her friends. However, there's always Sarah didi to pull them back. The other one aspires to be like me. I don't know exactly what is it about me that she likes, but I'm definitely glad that someone looks up to me as a role model. I'll do whatever it takes to make them useful citizens of the society! =)

Sorry bro, but I've gotta share my love with the 2 young ones now. Afterall, *ahem* Dad did mention that I've grown outta my childhood years. You haven't!!! Nanny nanny poo pooooo! Boohoohoooooo!!!

Eid, more than just a festive season

2006-10-26T02:48:00.000+08:00

I have SO much to tell my fellow readers that I don't know where to begin!

As we all know, yesterday marked the start of our supposedly 1-month celebration of Eid. As usual, it started off with the first house...my maternal gramma's house! I love it there!! The house is always so lively, and my cousins are the cute-beyond-description material!

Bro (who was sitting beside me) : Mummy! She's taking pix of herself again! Please tell her to stop it!!!!

Me: Jealous cos I don't wanna take pix with you right!!!

Hehe. Obviously not. He hates the camera (though he looks so good). I love the camera (I know what yall will say here but NO ok! thats not the case!). It didn't deter me of course. I snapped about 20+ pix of myself during that 6 minutes journey. Haha!!! Vainpot.

Well, the cousins loved my hair and saree. Here's a pic of my cousin and me!

Oooops! Hahahahahahaha. VERY funny expression by the cousin there~

Cousin: Why the photographer look like that!!!!

Hahaha. And guess who was the photographer? My mum!!!

Ok that's a more decent photo of us.

We didn't take pix this year (apart from the ones you see here and a few others). Bro warned me beforehand,"I AM NOT TAKING ANY PIX OK!" Sigh. There goes my only hope of showing the world how hot he is. But it's okay. Come to think of it, he might be depressed about his hair.

It didn't help that he played me out. I thought he was coming along with dad and I to the Pakis' side!!! Turns out, it was just dad and I!!!! I was so pissed off that I felt like strangling the brother!

(in the car)

Dad: You better not answer back when they say anything. Don't be rude. If not they'll say, why bother coming then?

Me: But I don't wanna go what!!!!

Dad: Just go lah.

Hurhur. I felt so horrible, I swear. Anyways, I still went.. When I reached there, all I saw was stunned faces!!! It seemed like they haven't seen me for 2453238o94 years! Or, like I'm a monster who was gonna destroy their house!

I felt so awkward there. No one talked to me. Everyone was talking among themselves. Occasionally dad would look at me and ask me to eat, and I had to obey. In our culture, if someone leaves the house without eating or even drinking water, it's a BIG insult to the homiez. So, note, I had to. It got better only when we were having dinner and the cousin and his girlfriend talked to me.

On the way back home, Dad started getting all wise. When I turned to look back at how I spent Eid at his family's this year, I teared and teared. Dad noticed too. He knew how much I didn't like it. How much the family means to me. How hurt was I to be considered as a stranger and still had to be there? It was a painful Eid. I knew, I had to do something.

When I reached home, my darling brother said he was leaving for my Pupphi's (paternal aunt). I called the cousin up, and that was when I decided, I'm gonna apologise to the aunt.

A few of you may know what happened some months ago, but I shan't reveal here. It's a bit too personal.

Anyways, everyone who knew about it agreed that the whole thing wasn't my fault and if there's anyone who should apologise, it has to be her. But, she felt too guilty and I know it. I saw the guilt when I was at my Gramma's...she wanted to talk to me, but she couldn't. How could she? How could she be sure that I won't snob her?

I had to do it. For the first time in my life, I apologised when the fault wasn't mine to begin with. But I didn't care. After seeing the situation at my Gramma's, I couldn't stand it. My family means everything to me. If I have to apologise, then so be it! All I want is my family to be happy again! That's all! Eid wouldn't be the same without them... it'll hold no meaning...

What is Eid for? The time when we seek for forgiveness. I didn't care about my ego. I was a bit hesitant at first, but after seeing the situation at my Gramma's, I was certain. This move, I shall make. Do or die. My family has to come back alive.

So, I called the cousin up to inform him about it and boyyyy, he was so glad!

Cousin: Did you make this decision yourself or are u forced to?

Me: Nope.. I chose to..

Cousin: I'm so proud of you

Awwwwwww!! And not to mention, the parents!!!!

Dad: When you see her, give her a biiiiiig hug and say,"YOU ARE THE BEST AUNTY IN THE WORLD!"

Yeah right! Hahaha! Mummy was pleased beyond words. And the brother? He didn't say anything, but the fact that he followed me all the way there said a lot... the family means a lot to the both of us. We hate fightings, quarrels... though we squabble quite a bit! Hehe.

The moment I reached the Pupphi's house, I saw her grinning and I knew my cousin told her beforehand. I felt a bit weird initially but she made it all better when she started asking me about poly, yadayada.. I've never seen my Pupphi and my Uncle so happy before... and the cousin of course! We were chatting the night away so happily, like one big happy family again! I felt like breaking down, but I had to hold back my tears, in case the make up got smudged.

Me: Pupphi, I'm sorry for...

Pupphi: (with tears welling up in her eyes) never mind. let bygones be bygones. forgive and forget. =)

THE POINT IS...

They were all so happy. I was the happiest one of course!! I was amazed, greatly. The power of the word "sorry".. my uncle tried making peace but it didn't work. They all thought of me as a stubborn and hot tempered person...and saying sorry would be beyond my capacity! Well, they were not wrong about the first part. But deep down inside, lies a soft-hearted girl who can break down even at the thought of her family breaking apart. I guess, this lil girl whom they saw growing up as a pampered and spoilt brat, has grown up.

Dad: That's good. You have matured. It shows that you have grown outta your childhood days.

Thanks,Dad. =)

*PS read my Friendster blog for a lil more on "Sorry...more than just 5 letters"*

Festive season in the air

2006-10-23T00:49:00.000+08:00

Sunday

As my MSN nick goes,"SOME people are just too caught up that even a simple HI takes up time for them *rollz eyez*" It's a lil obvious as to who I'm arrowing this at. Don't tell me you are this, this, and this. You are kind, patient, oh-so-perfect, when the fact is you are not even anywhere close there. It's sickening. Very. Buzz off, bugger!!!!

*deleted off*

Okay I feel happier now. =)

MEANIE! Boo!

Anyways! Hockey fixtures out already.. our first match is on 24th November, against ITE. It's the Pol-ITE Hockey Tournament. Before that, we have the hockey 4-a-side by SRC (or is it?) on 4th November. It should be a good exposure before the actual tournament itself. Hopefully, all goes fine, without injuries, especially the royal NOSE!

Well, I was watching Bride and Prejudice on Arts Central earlier on. I've watched it before in the theatre, but I liked it so much, I can remember almost every single detail of the movie! I love the Brit movies with lotsa Bollywood essence. The way they speak never fail to crack me up!!

Today

Goodness gracious me! Ramzaan is over...30 days just flew past just like that. I feel bad that I hardly did anything for this Ramzaan.. =/

Anyways! Eid tomorrowwww!! I'm soo excited to see what the cousins are gonna wear!! I don't have a big family here in Singapore, hence it's a lil quiet on the family side for me. Well, I must say that tomorrow's Eid is different from all other Eids. I'll be crushing my ego... that won't be easy at all. In fact, I dare say it's some feat! If you have screwed up Paki relatives, who have very poor comprehension skills but excellent memory spaces, it's not easy to deal with them at all. I swear.

I'm tired. mentally. physically. any maybe, emotionally. Thank You all for making me feel like I'm never alone no matter what. Love yall! =)

Okay, Eid Mubarak to one and all! And since it's the Eid season, it's time to ask for forgiveness and stuff. So, to all those whom I've hurt unknowingly (or knowingly hehe) in one way or another, please forgive me yeah~ =)

Cheers!

the end is near

2006-10-22T02:24:00.000+08:00

I came across this picture from someone's orkut picture gallery. And I teared, and teared, and teared. This picture was taken in Somalia (correct me if I'm wrong). The photographer resigned from his job some time after this picture was taken. Why? I'll leave that to yall to figure out. Apparently, the vulture is waiting for the baby to die before it can devour the poor soul... this baby is nowhere to be seen now...

I feel so upset. Helpless. And whatnot. Really, how lucky are we?? Yet, how often do we lament about our already-easy peasy lives? Yes, guilty as charged... I shall bear this in mind the next time I demand for something from my parents.

I was watching the news earlier. There's this issue of more remains found as reconstruction work is done @ what was formerly known, the ~~mighty~~ Twin Towers. One mother of 2 kids said," I lost my kids in this unfortunate incident. Their skin, hair, eyeballs mean everything to me. How could yall not find all the remains first?"

Wow. So they do feel afterall. What about the poor souls in Iraq? Lives lost 'cos of THEIR own Mr President. "This is not a war against Islam. It's a war against terrorism" Surely he can come up with a better lie than that! Get your damn troops out of Iraq!!!! You have captured Saddam, whatmore do you want?? The big O, what else! (pssst! oil!) It's depressing to see how some world leaders lack that much of humanity.

This world is a bad bad place. Corruption, AIDS, paedophiles, sex industry looming large, the so-called "war against terror" and the so-called "jihad".. I can go on listing all the bad things happening in this world, from macro to micro scale. And then we'll realise what kinda world are we living in.

God had it all planned. Natural disasters aren't there for no reason. The tsunami hit SEA countries because they probably led their whole lives sunken in poverty, so He decided to free them. Then Thailand's sex industry. Indonesia's neverending problems. It was like a wake up call to everyone of us. This disaster hit so near home.

My dad was in the seas of Thai for about 4 months. I kept reading the news, just to make sure the tsunami don't hit anytime soon. Somewhere in July (I think?), another tsunami hit Indonesia. I was worried sick the whole time until dad called to make sure the Thai seas were fine. Dad said, the seas don't look too good in November month so they could come back early.

I've never felt more vulnerable... I stopped worrying only when dad landed in Hatyai (they went there by a helicopter..coolness!). Then, came another fear..."What if some crazy fellas hijack the plane my dad's gonna board?" Neverending fears. By the grace of God, my dad came home safely and we're never more complete now =)

The world is such a bad place. Some years ago, hardly any of these thoughts would come across my mind. In fact, I never knew what a tsunami was until the whole disaster hit SEA. Terrorists hardly surfaced some time ago... now? Al Jazeera, Osama, Saddam, Iraq, Bush, oil, Twin Towers, JI, Abu Sayyaf..the list can go on and on.. and we thought Hitler was crazy? The whole world has gone crazy now.

Conclusion?

The world is coming to a close end... God bless.

warning: randomness!

2006-10-21T02:52:00.000+08:00

Mere haath mein, tera haath ho, saari jannate mere saath ho~

Awwwwwwww!!!!!! For my non-Urdu/Hindi (I still can't distinguish the difference!) mates, this song is from a recent hit movie in India, entitled Fanaa.

The opening line means (roughly)... In my hand, I've got yours, I've got the heavens with me.

Something like that! (hey, don't blame me if I'm wrong ok! I never took Hindi/Urdu lessons! =( )

Ironically, I can sing Hindi songs! Pretty decently, of course! =) In fact, I looooove singing Hindi songs

Tere dil mein meri saason ko panaa mil jaaye, tere ishq mein meri jaan fanaa ho jaaye

WOW! Super romantic please! (In your heart, my breath will seek shelter, in your love, my life will fanaa) I still don't know the exact meaning of fanaa 'cos Ranjit said it means "your heart goes totally crazy over someone" and Omer said,"its kinda like to end something.. khatam ho jana" hence, I still don't know, despite watching the movie 100001 times over!

Click here for full details of the movie. I love the movie. In case any of yall haven't been activating your tearglands for a while now and is interested in Bollywood after my *ahem* speech, you may wanna ask me for the VCD =) (psst! i only charge one Mars bar per VCD! if ur from CHS, then it's FOC!)

Anyways, talking about haath, I was out shopping with Mummy at Little India Diwali bazaar yesterday night (oh the horror!!) so I decided to get some henna done! It's been a while since I had henna on...

(back)

(front)

The henna was drying up, hence it started to fall off bits by bits, thats why you see some orangey parts. Beautiful, innit? =)

I've got pix of how it looks like now (all red and nice!) but I'm too lazy to upload 'em, hence, patience people!

Okay, guess I'm gonna watch Dhoom 2 sometime next week... hopefully on Saturday or so! I MISS JADE CINEMA!!! I don't go to the cinema during fasting month.

I have no plans today, but I know I'll be busy. I foresee my mum nagging away at me in a few hours time.

Mum: WAKE UP!! WHAT TIME ALREADY AND YOU'RE STILL SLEEPING! Here I am baking and there you are sleeping! How irresponsible!

Me: I'm tired la..

Mum: You're tired but I'm not la!?

Me: I go to school waaaaat

Mum: I go to work. It's worse ok!

Me: But you're used to it

Mum: Now it's your turn to get used to it. GET UP!!!!!!!!

It has become like a friggin tape recorder in my mind (and bro's as well!). Bro has been getting on my nerves for the past few days, but he's so cute that I can't help it but to entertain his nonsense. I don't know why, but he finds it so "appealing" to disturb me at 4.30am, during sahur.

Bro: Eh.

Me: *looks at him, looks away*

Bro: eh not happy ar!? look look~~ (usually, if he's eating, he'll purposely drop the chicken bone or meat onto his plate. or he'll fling it to mine)

Me: what the hell!

Bro: oh reallyyyy~! Mum~! Sis is upset!~ (in a friggin slang)

Funny how lively he can be even at that hour. And, I'm always the victim. Ugh!! Oh, and he has this habit of spilling water/food on the floor JUST after much cleaning done by mum. Hahaha...

Quite a bit of preparation left for Eid. Well, till then, bubbye~!

To all my Hindu mates out there, Happy Diwali!! =)

love is in the air...and animosity, too.

2006-10-20T18:04:00.000+08:00

I LOVE SPEECH COMM and SOCIAL PSYCHOLOGY (I think, it's in my nature to talk rubbish fluently)

I'm feeling rather shagged now, though it's just 6.05pm *yawwwwwwwnz* oops! =x

Anyways, to my Hindu friends out there, Happy Diwali to you guys!! Enjoy your day tomorrow... I can't wait for Eid!!! =)

Well, yesterday, dad dropped the bomb on me. He said,"We are going to my side". So there you go. I'll be showing my face to the ones whom I've been boycotting all along. The PAKI side (the reason why I'm NOT proud to be a Paki, is them). The ones whom I HATE to the deepest pits of hell. 'Nuff said.

God, please grant me the strength to face this coming facade. It's the festive season and no one should quarrel. That's the last thing I want. Just gimme the strength to shut up no matter what they say. Grant me a diplomatic self...just for that one day. I can't face them when I hate them so much.

Anyways...this isn't something personal, don't worry at all. It's a known fact that I hate the Paki relatives. If you never knew, well, now you do! =)

I...am...toooooo sleepy...laterz!~

those were the days, my friend

2006-10-19T00:13:00.000+08:00

YOU KNOW what irks me?? People who think they are funny when they really aren't!!! It's as painful as seeing Minahs going around with their "bob" hairstyles!!! Face it, you Minahs don't have what it takes to pull a "bob" off nicely. Grrr.

Oh oh! FYI, I lost the bet to Cheak. Dammit...I'm so backdated la!!I thought only the cheenas got 2-word-names!! =( So, Mars bar for you, Cheak!

Well, to tell yall the truth, I've never won bets. I keep losing and losing. The best part is, I'll never learn my lesson!! Hurhur!

Suddenly I feel so hyped up about Eid (also commonly known as Hari Raya)! Festive season in the air,baby! Time to seek forgiveness (which my family don't practise haha!) and make amends.. that I have to..

I seriously love the Contemporary Issues module! Learned a lotta things I never knew before.. and many "sexy jargons", as how my tutor would put it. Hehe.

Once again, I did something, and now I'm regretting. Maybe he's for real afterall... Sorry, S****r... =/

Paro just turned 15. Happy Birthday, girl! Goodness... 15 seems like way back for me.. my secondary schoolmates will know what I mean..right? =) The age everything started..

And now, at 17, I look back at those kiddy days and smile.. knowing what a pain yet pleasure life at 15 was...

Life at 16 was almost like the best ever, if not for the drastic ending.. what could have been forever, like you promised. I don't believe in 'forever' anymore. I don't.

Now they dream of taking your place, but I'm not ready to let anyone substitute you. They can't hold a candle to you. They think they are better, but truth is, none care like the way you did...someday, the world shall know...

If you ask me, even now I'd say yes to you despite everything... I know what it feels like to love now...

I know what love is. Start off by loving yourself. =P